I got a Valentine’s Day card from a guy

[Leon03]

This morning I found a Valentine’s card in our mailbox. No sender’s address on. It smelt nice a bit like perfume when I opened it. The card was home-made and looked really nice. On the enclosed slip of paper was a poem about relationship and its difficulties. I was wondering about the poem because I first thought the card was from my girlfriend. Only when I read the card itself I realized it came from a classmate of mine.
He is a bit of an outsider (but not really). I remember I stood up for him once when a couple of guys picked on him for wearing mascara. I neither had much contact to him nor do I know much about him. So I am not sure what to do and what to say. It doesn’t clearly say he loved me or anything but I guess it says a lot that the card’s style made me believe it came from my girlfriend at first.
It’s sort of easy right now as we have school-holidays here. But school starts on Monday again and I will meet him then. On the other hand I am not sure if he is waiting for my immediate reaction. Should I ignore it? On the one hand I am mad at him for he should know I have a girlfriend. On the other hand I feel kind of sorry for him.
What would you do if you were me?

[Gandalf]

This morning I found a Valentine’s card in our mailbox. No sender’s address on. It smelt nice a bit like perfume when I opened it. The card was home-made and looked really nice. On the enclosed slip of paper was a poem about relationship and its difficulties. I was wondering about the poem because I first thought the card was from my girlfriend. Only when I read the card itself I realized it came from a classmate of mine.
He is a bit of an outsider (but not really). I remember I stood up for him once when a couple of guys picked on him for wearing mascara. I neither had much contact to him nor do I know much about him. So I am not sure what to do and what to say. It doesn’t clearly say he loved me or anything but I guess it says a lot that the card’s style made me believe it came from my girlfriend at first.
It’s sort of easy right now as we have school-holidays here. But school starts on Monday again and I will meet him then. On the other hand I am not sure if he is waiting for my immediate reaction. Should I ignore it? On the one hand I am mad at him for he should know I have a girlfriend. On the other hand I feel kind of sorry for him.
What would you do if you were me?

If it was just the guy you think it is, (without seeing the contents either) I would guess he was just showing his appreciation for what you did for him, or expressing his feelings in a discrete way.

I wouldn't be mad at him, I mean maybe he doesn't know you are in a relationship and there is no certainty at all it was from him.

I would just treat it as a kind simple act, I would keep it to yourself until you definately sure who sent it, I mean, if you don't mention it to anybody nobody could be dishonest and claim it was from them. -They'll probably reveal themselves and you can choose what tact you take.
Hope I've helped :)

[Leon03]

I wouldn't be mad at him, I mean maybe he doesn't know you are in a relationship and there is no certainty at all it was from him.
I know it was from him. His name was not on the envelope but on the card itself.


Hope I've helped :)

For sure you did. I am still not sure what to do. I told my girlfriend about it with the request to be discrete. I sort of had to as my mom gave me the card and she still thinks it is from her. So I didn't want to take the risk of any misunderstanding.
My girlfriend said I should contact him and talk. Nicely of course. I owed him for exposing himself so vulnerable.

[Stryker125]

I don't think you should be mad at him. He might have feelings for you, or he might just be doing a nice thing. Either way, you should probably contact him and thank him for the card, that it was nice and you appreciate it. Also let him know that you're in a relationship, and that while it's nice that he likes you, you just don't feel the same way about him.

[Gandalf]

I know it was from him. His name was not on the envelope but on the card itself.



For sure you did. I am still not sure what to do. I told my girlfriend about it with the request to be discrete. I sort of had to as my mom gave me the card and she still thinks it is from her. So I didn't want to take the risk of any misunderstanding.
My girlfriend said I should contact him and talk. Nicely of course. I owed him for exposing himself so vulnerable.

Sounds very sensible, it's good you thought about that I think your girlfriend is right in talking to him, just make sure it's subtle because as horrible as it may sound, it doesn't 100% mean he was the one who sent it (could easily be a horrible set up) but since you're taking the positive approach I don't see the harm in it. Let us know how you get on.

[Pierce]

First off it was awesome that you stood up for him when he needed someone to. Best thing to do would be to approach him and tell him you have a girlfriend. That should be enough to say, but add more if you feel it's necessary. I know him giving you the card probably freaked or weirded you out a bit but don't regret sticking up for him. Please do it again if deemed necessary, because people like him need others to stand up for them. So basically just tell him you have a girlfriend but try to end the interaction on a good note if you can. Best of Luck! Continue to stand up for the defenseless!

[Leon03]

I don't think you should be mad at him.
Fortunately I am not only mad at him. It is a strange mix of diverse feelings I am unable to sort right now.
He might have feelings for you, or he might just be doing a nice thing. Either way, you should probably contact him and thank him for the card, that it was nice and you appreciate it. Also let him know that you're in a relationship, and that while it's nice that he likes you, you just don't feel the same way about him.
Sounds like I really owed him a reply.
I am sort of puzzled still. And I am not exactly sure why. I had a great talk with my older brother a few minutes ago. He has a close friend who is gay so he was kind of very helpful. He told me how he felt when he first found out his friend was gay and the way they delt with the crush he had on my brother quite a while ago.
I never had a talk like this with my brother before but the advise he gave me is as strange as wonderful at a time. He said: Try to act like he was a girl who did it. That helped me to not feel awkward towards him and he felt accepted the way he is.
Sorry if my English met its limits. But I hope you understood what I was saying. So what do you think?

[Apollo.]

If I were you I would contact him and just say thanks it was really sweet, but also remind him rour in a relationship with a girl and 100% straight. Also make sure to let him know its between him and you, if I had made a gesture like that to a guy and had no contact back I'd be very nervous it was going to spread! You should be OK you seem like a very reasonable guy so just keep it nice but also make sure he knows there is no attraction. Its probably just a sweet gesture from him to thank you for helping him out, that or if he doesn't have many friends maybe an attempt to reach out to you for someone to talk to.

Hope to have helped you out, also its really nice you haven't just shot him down and spread this around your an awesome guy for that!

[Leon03]

First off it was awesome that you stood up for him when he needed someone to.
Thanks :whoops:. I just did it because it felt right. I never thought it was awesome

Best thing to do would be to approach him and tell him you have a girlfriend.
That should be enough to say, but add more if you feel it's necessary. I know him giving you the card probably freaked or weirded you out a bit but don't regret sticking up for him. Please do it again if deemed necessary, because people like him need others to stand up for them. So basically just tell him you have a girlfriend but try to end the interaction on a good note if you can. Best of Luck! Continue to stand up for the defenseless!
That sounds like the way I plan to do it. But I am still scared that I might hurt him. Meaning not the fact I don't share his feelings.

[Leon03]

Its probably just a sweet gesture from him to thank you for helping him out, that or if he doesn't have many friends maybe an attempt to reach out to you for someone to talk to.

That's what my brother said too, basically.
He said he might have felt like 'nothing to lose'. Sure about I didn't share his feelings he probably wanted to find out if he can trust me. Sort of weird but nevertheless possible.

[Stryker125]

Fortunately I am not only mad at him. It is a strange mix of diverse feelings I am unable to sort right now.

Sounds like I really owed him a reply.
I am sort of puzzled still. And I am not exactly sure why. I had a great talk with my older brother a few minutes ago. He has a close friend who is gay so he was kind of very helpful. He told me how he felt when he first found out his friend was gay and the way they delt with the crush he had on my brother quite a while ago.
I never had a talk like this with my brother before but the advise he gave me is as strange as wonderful at a time. He said: Try to act like he was a girl who did it. That helped me to not feel awkward towards him and he felt accepted the way he is.
Sorry if my English met its limits. But I hope you understood what I was saying. So what do you think?

Yeah that makes sense. How would you treat the situation if a girl had done the same thing? I still think you should talk to him and sort things out. Though you should probably wait until you get a better handle on how you feel about the same thing.
I've been in a similar situation, and the best thing to do is be honest with them, in the kindest way possible. Whether it's a guy or girl developing those kinds of feelings for you shouldn't really matter, because either way you're a hot piece of ass.

No worries man, your english is fine. :)

[Leon03]

Yeah that makes sense. How would you treat the situation if a girl had done the same thing? I still think you should talk to him and sort things out. Though you should probably wait until you get a better handle on how you feel about the same thing.
Yeah that is probably the worst part of it. I know exactly how to do right but am still trapped and caught in a diversity of so far unknown feelings and impressions.
No worries man, your english is fine. :)
:whoops: thanks

[unnamed94]

i actually have no advice for you. what you plan to do seems like a great idea. i just wanted to say that its really nice what you did. guys your age (most of them immature and stuff) would normally spread the word about it, start treating him differently, etc but you didnt. you looked for advise on how to react to that from your gf, brother and people here instead of rushing and making something that could hurt this guy. english isnt my first language so i dont know exactly how to say this but i think that what you did was great

[Pierce]

Thanks :whoops:. I just did it because it felt right. I never thought it was awesome

Need more people like you then. It's good that standing up for someone who was getting picked on is normal to you. Continue to stand up for those who can't defend themselves.

That sounds like the way I plan to do it. But I am still scared that I might hurt him. Meaning not the fact I don't share his feelings.

Well I understand that you don't want to hurt his feelings, but I think telling him that you have a girlfriend would be fine. Also tell him that you want to be friends (only if that's true). I think he will be very happy with gaining a friend. You're doing a great thing, best of luck!

[Apollo.]

I forgot to put in my last post are you happy being friends with this guy? If you dont want any contact wtith him after this make that clear to him, sometimes no hope is better than false hope. If you think he is looking for a friend and you think you could put up with him then tell him he can tell you anything and you will never be mad or spread stuff around.

I wish you the best with this.

[Leon03]

start treating him differently, etc but you didnt.
You touched the point I am scared of the most. Will I be able to not treat him differently? Cross fingers I will be strong enough.
Thank you all for your help. I will keep you updated!

[Leon03]

Need more people like you then. It's good that standing up for someone who was getting picked on is normal to you. Continue to stand up for those who can't defend themselves.



Well I understand that you don't want to hurt his feelings, but I think telling him that you have a girlfriend would be fine. Also tell him that you want to be friends (only if that's true). I think he will be very happy with gaining a friend. You're doing a great thing, best of luck!

I forgot to put in my last post are you happy being friends with this guy? If you dont want any contact wtith him after this make that clear to him, sometimes no hope is better than false hope. If you think he is looking for a friend and you think you could put up with him then tell him he can tell you anything and you will never be mad or spread stuff around.

I wish you the best with this.
You two are great. Thank you so much.
I will try to meet him tomorrow...
But it's bedtime now :)
At least for me

[Apollo.]

You two are great. Thank you so much.
I will try to meet him tomorrow...
But it's bedtime now :)
At least for me

Cool be sure to let us know how it goes! Good luck and Goodnight!

P.S thanks for the Friend request:D

[Leon03]

I think he will be very happy with gaining a friend. You're doing a great thing, best of luck!

Cool be sure to let us know how it goes! Good luck and Goodnight!


This afternoon I met him. His mom opened the door and when he appeared in the porch seeing me he had an expression of fear and joy in his face. As I was quite worked up also I didn’t wait for his greeting and started right away “Hi, my girlfriend gave me the afternoon off to spend some time with you. Are you up to try my favorite stunt-kites?” And he was like “Erm yeah erm why not? What do I need for it?” We went off together and chatted about school stuff first. When the kites were flying I started the subject I wanted to talk to him about.
My dad (I asked him for his opinion this morning too) suggested to fly kites together with him. He said it was a lot easier to talk to each other looking towards the kites than into the other’s eyes. And it did work well. I was truly surprised about our candor. I don’t want to bore you with details. But the two of us learned a lot about each other.
When he dropped me of at my house he asked me with a sad and quite voice: “Can I call you, when I feel like stunt-kiting again - some day?” He turned around and ran away right after he saw my nodding yes.
This was an afternoon I will not forget too soon. He is definitely a nice guy who I had never met if he hadn’t been this outstandingly courageous.
To repeat it on here again: Thank you so much for your Valentine’s Card!
Once again. Thank you very much for your help. To all of you who shared their views in this threat. :D

[Pierce]

This afternoon I met him. His mom opened the door and when he appeared in the porch seeing me he had. An expression of fear and joy in his face. As I was quite worked up also I didn’t wait for his greeting and started right away “Hi, my girlfriend gave me the afternoon off to spend some time with you. Are you up to try my favorite stunt-kites?” And he was like “Erm yeah erm why not? What do I need for it?” We went off together and chatted about school stuff first. When the kites were flying I started the subject I wanted to talk to him about.
My dad (I asked him for his opinion this morning too) suggested to fly kites together with him. He said it was a lot easier to talk to each other looking towards the kites than into the other’s eyes. And it did work well. I was truly surprised about our candor. I don’t want to bore you with details. But the two of us learned a lot about each other.
When he dropped me of at my house he asked me with a sad and quite voice: “Can I call you, when I feel like stunt-kiting again - some day?” He turned around and ran away right after he saw my nodding yes.
This was an afternoon I will not forget too soon. He is definitely a nice guy who I had never met if he hadn’t been this outstandingly courageous.
To repeat it on here again: Thank you so much for your Valentine’s Card!
Once again. Thank you very much for your help. To all of you who shared their views in this threat. :D

Wow sounds like it couldn't have gone better. I'm so glad everything worked out. You did a great thing sticking up for him and now you both have gained a friend. If you ever have any questions or just want to talk send me a message.

[dontfiguremeout]

Honestly I think he's kinda lonely. I read about what happen today with you guys, and it seemed like it wasn't really about him liking you, but more of he wants a friendship. And he probably thinks you would be a great friend for him to have since you were the only one to stand up to him. So I would definitely start talking to him and start hanging around with him. I think he really needs a guy friend like you.

[Leon03]

Wow sounds like it couldn't have gone better. I'm so glad everything worked out.
I am not too sure if it couldn't have gone better. I felt insecure how to act and what to say allmost all the time. I felt bad about it because I wasn't myself. Hard to explain but somehow I tried to treat him as casual as possible yet I was afraid to hurt him saying or doing anything wrong.
You did a great thing sticking up for him and now you both have gained a friend.
I'd love to be able to say we both have gained a friend. A friend is just more than I could ever be to him. He needs a strong friend who doesn't behave like I did: frozen and unable to treat him casually. Yet I am more than happy that I got the chance to meet him and got to know quite a bit of him.

Honestly I think he's kinda lonely. I read about what happen today with you guys, and it seemed like it wasn't really about him liking you, but more of he wants a friendship. And he probably thinks you would be a great friend for him to have since you were the only one to stand up to him.
When I read 'Fixing the Friendship (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=167406)' I felt guilty on all counts. Hope I could reveal my experiences clearly enough. On one hand I find him fascinating to talk to and I really admire his courage on the other hand I am afraid I would not be able to answer his expectations. Not talking about boy to boy relationship of course. And you are right he is probably lonely. He hasn't mentioned friends when we talked. The only people he told me about were his Mom and little sister.
So I would definitely start talking to him and start hanging around with him. I think he really needs a guy friend like you.
Yeah I will stay in contact with him if he wants to. I'd even looking forward to if he did. Although I am not sure what he thinks about last afternoon. I still don't get why he ran away not saying good bye :confused: