Molested and Worried

[schrei jess]

When I was seven years old, I was molested on a few occasions by my brother's best friend, Chad. He was fourteen at the time. Chad's sister and my best friend at the time, Cara, helped him molest me, she was nine. Those and the details of what happened exactly probably aren't very important. I never realized it was wrong, and I never told anyone about it. When I was fourteen, I finally realized what had happened, and how wrong it was. The only person I told was my mother. I haven't talked about it seriously with anyone.

What I'm worried about is how it might have affected me throughout my life. I am just about sixteen now, and I've had a lot of problems since I turned twelve. I have severe clinical depression and my self-confidence is really low, I don't like anything about myself. I was cutting and burning myself since I was twelve (I've stopped now), and I have threatened suicide a few times. I have also been diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder, and borderline personality traits (not the actual disorder). Due to my low self-confidence and my self-loathing behavior and thoughts, I am really unhappy with my appearance and weight. Lately I haven't been eating much, my appetite has gone down significantly, and whenever I do get hungry, I usually just eat small candy to stop it from hurting. I still eat, but only at dinner. I have lost ten or fifteen pounds. I have trust issues, and I don't let anyone in real life get close to me. I don't have any serious friends, and my conversational/social skills really suck. I can't talk to anyone in real life, and if I feel something, I hide it away and don't tell anyone. I'm confused about my sexuality like a lot of teenagers, but I've come to think that I'm asexual, and that I will never find someone to date or be with, not only because I can't let anyone get close emotionally, but I can't let anyone close physically either. I don't like being touched and I'm very jumpy, anxious, and paranoid at times.

I want to know if all my problems may have come from being molested. If it hadn't happened, would I be normal, would my life be like every other teenage girls? Would talking about it make things better? What do I do? I'm really upset about this, I've never really thought about what happened this much.

[byee]

You're very articulate and obviously very bright, regardless of whatever else you might think about yourself.

We'll never know if everything you're feeling and the intensity of it all was caused by your abuse. Certainly, those experiences were traumatic, and they could easily be the cause of major problems, for anyone. But regardless of what caused you to feel the way you do, you do. And you have to get some help. You have the awareness that's needed to know this, as well as the awareness to recognize that you've suffered long enough. If you're in therapy, good! Stay there, address these concerns with your doctor.

Therapy is a wonderful experience for a lot of reasons. It gives you a safe place to explore and work out your stuff, and maybe as importantly, have a reltionship that's so doifferent than anything you've ever had. The process of talking about things, coupled with a really good, really special, and totally safe relationship really can fix alot of things that otherwise would remain tortured.

[Sapphire]

I am glad you have stopped injuring yourself. That takes serious courage to do.

Sadly we cannot answer your question. It is likely to be one of those burning questions that no one can possibly answer for you. Recently I have become of the opinion that the cause of our various problems is largely insignificant in the process of getting "better". Yes it is human nature to want to know and it can seem that if we are not sure what has caused it then we will never get better. But once we start addressing our individual problems and finding ways to make ourselves healthier, is the fact that something form our pasts caused it a big enough thing to prevent the healing process? Should we really allow ourselves to get all caught up in the hows, whens and what ifs?
What I am trying to say is try to focus on improving your situation. It will be difficult, but take baby steps and focus on striving towards a healthier state of mind. Instead of eating candy, have your favourite fruit. Talk idly with people in your classes about the work or the teacher. Just little steps.

The whole therapist/client thing will only work if you are willing to let it work. Don't go because we say so. Go because you want to. Go because you believe it will work and you want to use it to improve your lot.

I hope you are alright

[crimson]

I'm sorry for what has happened to you, but you are a great person, and many people care about you. You have to set your mind to the task, accomplish things, and then you feel a lot better.

Just a tip, when I feel really down, I like to do something good. So I make sandwiches and cut up apples and maybe make brownies, put them into small paper bags, then walk around and give it to homeless people. You'll then know you made a good difference, helped their hunger, didn't give them anything bad, and they'll be very grateful too. You will probably wanna ask your mom to take you around. I dunno, but if you have low self confidnece, set your mind to a good thing, accomplish it, and wonders happen. If karma is real then :yeah:

Just do what makes you feel best, and I'm glad you're here at VT...
People here are amazing..

[jess_undead]

I also got molested as a child & i have alot of the same problems as you..so I do feel alot of them came from that. But if you're getting through it, then i have hope that i can too. I'm still in the cycle of self harm...but you overcame that, which is proof that people like us can get better. If you ever want to talk, I'm here. xxx

[Gumleaf]

I also got molested as a child & i have alot of the same problems as you..so I do feel alot of them came from that. But if you're getting through it, then i have hope that i can too. I'm still in the cycle of self harm...but you overcame that, which is proof that people like us can get better. If you ever want to talk, I'm here. xxx

please don't bump old threads. locking