My New Song... does anyone like it

[DecNK11]

i love to write songs but i dont normally show anyone them, (most of my m8s are prics when its summit personal) i found this i thought i supose it is creative writing, i want to know what people think of the lyrics, nice comment/constructive critasism only please, nothing saying its just plain s**t, if you think that keep it to yourself.

Day time in the morning,
Night time in my mind,
Outside the rain is pouring,
But I still feel cold inside,

The people stare right through me,
Or insult me instead,
I’m starting to think I’m evil,
Cause I want someone dead,

So look at me,
And you will see,
I can’t live with out her,
I can’t bare to see her,
So I scream!!

(You should)

Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
In his ear…
Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
To him…
Scream! While you whisper!
My name…

My room is a tip these days,
I’ve given up on life,
I’ve finally hit rock bottom,
I’m sharpening my knife,

I’m looking in the mirror,
Hating what I see,
But some how you lift my spirits,
Cause you said that you love me,

So I look at you,
Your eyes are blue,
Suddenly I smile,
Because I know I’ll…

Scream!!!

(We’re together)

So,
Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
In his ear…
Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
To him…
Scream! While you whisper!
My name…

(Whisper to loud)
Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
My name…

Yeah!!
Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
In his ear…
Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
To him…
Scream! While you whisper!
My name…

Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
In his ear…
Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
Scream! While you whisper!
To him…
Scream! While you whisper!
My name…

[Hauptmann Kauffman]

Nice lyrics, I really can hear them, and they rhyme. Congrats!:D

[Underground_Network]

Wow, incredible song. It has meaning, and it makes sense, unlike most of my works. :P

[Hauptmann Kauffman]

Exactly!

[DecNK11]

cheers... maybe i might post more if i get round to it :)

[Underground_Network]

You should definitely get to post more.. I'm sure your others are as good, if not better than this one. :D