"the soft no" Both girls and guys.

[Vaulter]

BACKROUND if you want it: Went to visit my friend at work, but he wasn't there and this girl was. Made small talk with her and she seemed cool. Went back the next day because I knew he was there, and she happened to be working again. Me and my friend decided to smoke Hookah when he got off, and on a whim I invited her. She said heck yes which surprised me. She showed up at our friends house a few hours later, and just hung out with us. Seemed cool, and relationships were brought up at one point. I liked what she had to say about sort of what she wanted out of a guy (is chill, doesn't get jealous over hanging out with guys, isn't a party douche, and will just lay down and watch a movie with her when shes had a bad day.) So the next day I asked her out (in person) and her response was "I just don't want things to get awkward".

The Question: Guys how do you react to the polite "no" when you ask a girl out? There always seems to be an excuse, today's was "I just don't want things to get awkward". In the past it was "I don't want to ruin what we have". I always question these responses, as with the first, really I just stood there heart pounding and bearing all, and that response just makes it EXTREMELY awkward. The second response is funny because a girl will say it, but how can you ruin something like that. "what we have" it seems in those cases is me trying to date them, and them enjoying my company because I'm trying to impress them. Just by saying no you ruined it, as I'm no longer going to pursue them. I don't really end up in the friendzone, because I'm good about asking out girls soon after I meet them and were not friends yet, but they still insist on saying "I just want to be friends." Its REALLY hard for me not to just say "I don't need another friend." And walk away from them. How do you guys react in person? In general it just makes me want to act like an ass, because it would be the only way for it to be as awkward or uncomfortable for them as it is for me.

Girls, do these reasons/excuses make sense to you as a real thing, or are you just trying to "be nice" by not saying a flat out NO? I'm always curious about it. I understand the "im not looking for a relationship" one, because it can make sense, however these others just seem something like a cop-out. I'm not trying to attack all you girls, but it's interesting to hear whats really going on.

[AbbaZabba]

It sounds like a polite no. For whatever reason, she might not connected with you but still liked you as a person. Not everyone going to want to go out with you and most decent girls will give you a polite no. Never heard that one before, I wouldn't totally give up, but don't get pushy. When your around her, continue small talk with her and having a good time.

[Mortal Coil]

In any other context, similar ways of turning someone down are understood and accepted. If someone invites you to a party, then instead of saying "I think your friends are assholes and don't want to party with them" you say, "Ah sorry man, I can't make it."
Similarly, if a girl doesn't want to go out with you she has been conditioned by society to put your precious male ego in front of her comfort, so instead of just saying "I happen to not be romantically/sexually attracted to you" she will say something like "I just don't want things to get awkward."
It means no.
It doesn't mean "try harder."
It doesn't mean, "I'm trying to make things awkward for you." It's actually the opposite.
She's trying to turn you down without sounding mean.

[Smeagol]

I agree. I always say no, as I've never said yes :P I try to be nice and not hurt a guys feelings (as Ellen said, their egos before my comfort) and I say that I don't know him well enough or that I'm not ready for a relationship. When guys keep being persistent, "I SAID NO ALREADY GET THE HELL AWAY" is a less nice way of putting it.

[Vaulter]

Oh I completely understand that it's supposed to be a polite way of saying no. I get the message, I just wonder if it frustrates other guys as much as it does me. Maybe I'm just a more direct person than others, so to me a straight answer would be better. I know I'm supposed to just understand it as a straight answer, but my brain doesn't really let me, it just makes me think all of those things you've said not to. "try harder, maybe next time, etc." I'd rather hear "No I'm just not into it" or something. Could be just me like I said.
It sounds like a polite no. For whatever reason, she might not connected with you but still liked you as a person. Not everyone going to want to go out with you and most decent girls will give you a polite no. Never heard that one before, I wouldn't totally give up, but don't get pushy. When your around her, continue small talk with her and having a good time.
I don't plan on trying again or pursuing her further, I'm not offended or put out by a No, because I understand that the connection isn't always mutual.

[Synyster Shadows]

I feel the same way. I'd rather get a flat-out, straightforward "no", not a sugar-coated one. I might be more hurt, but hey, that's life, right? It'd help in the end...or should...