Can't get it out of my head.

[Aceso]

I've been recovered at least a year now.
But the more I look in the mirror the fatter I seem to get. The more I eat the more I hate myself, the more I want to starve.
I just want to be skinny again, I hate everything about myself right now. Been purging on and off the past few weeks and I just feel disgusting, worthless and pathetic. I don't deserve to eat and I'm not even strong enough to stop, yet somehow my deficit gets larger each day.
Ugh, I don't know what to do. I've been on 500 calories a day for weeks and I'm somehow gaining weight. I'm freaking out and have no idea what to do. I hate being like this. :(

[Lyra Heartstrings]

Don't worry, honey. Whether you're 8 stone or 14 stone (yay for guessing conversions!), you're still a beautiful person, inside and out. Eating disorders..well, they suck. I haven't had to go through it, but I still want to help. You're strong. You recovered once. You can do it again.
Just stay strong.

[lightPainting]

less calories does NOT equal more weight loss. If you starve your self your body will react by burning muscle and will build up on fat.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7Jr9XOHbmE This might help you.

[Aceso]

less calories does NOT equal more weight loss. If you starve your self your body will react by burning muscle and will build up on fat.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7Jr9XOHbmE This might help you.

I'm fighting between the healthiest I've ever been and this overwhelming urge to starve and purge. So now I do not only punish myself for eating over my limits, but I also punish myself when they're not the 'right' foods.
I tried telling my counsellor but she keeps saying it's expected because my parents are splitting. Nobody wants to see that I'm falling again but I am. I'm not getting through to anyone and nobody understands.
I'm struggling with this.

[unknownuser]

You NEED at LEAST 1200 calories a day, honey.
Or else your body starts eating itself; starting with your muscles and then your organs.
If you deprive yourself to 500 calories a day, you are setting yourself up for weight gain. Anything you put into your mouth, your body snatches up and hangs on to it because it is being deprived so much. You are killing your metabolism by eating that little.

Please please please try to understand that you might lose weight in the short-run by depriving yourself, but in the long-run, you WILL gain weight if you continue on like that. Turn around while you can.

The only way to effectively stay in shape is to balance healthy eating (at least 1200 calories/day with foods from all groups: proteins, complex carbs, good fats, fruits, veggies) with physical activity.

[StephenWalker]

Do worry dear, Never generate negative things in your mind whatever happened with you, you are still one of the most beautiful ......:yes:

Just cheer up!!!!:D

[Fiction]

I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm at the heaviest I've been in a few years right now too, and that is a scary thing. From what I've found the thoughts never seem to quite go away, but some days it is better than others and the really bad thoughts seem to come in phases, as long as I try and ignore them while they're there.

Don't weigh yourself and try your best not to count calories (I know how hard that is). When numbers are involved it's a lot easier to become obsessive.

Another thing that helps me is to eat when other people are eating. If other people are eating you can't be the only one that eats too much.

I know how hard it is but if you're the healthiest you've ever been then you've done the difficult but and you'be come a long way. Don't fall at the last hurdles. :)

[Apathy15]

You need a proper diet to loose weight. In other words you need to eat to loose weight. If you don't eat than you body will hold on to the food that you do eat and you will just seem to loose less weight.

[Jamesison]

I woudl talk to soem one about it and see what they say

[bored4evah]

500 calories a day is super unhealthy, the human body should get atleast 2000 calories a day. i think you might have that disorder when you look in the mirror you think you look fat but in reality your skinny? anyway start doing exercise and eat healthely