What now?

[dajakesta10]

I'm going to first give some background info. I've recently been taken out of school and diagnosed with undifferentiated schizophrenia. I've been off of school for the past week, waiting for a psychiatrist to tell me when I can return.
Anyway, I've been in love for the past year with a specific boy. He's been a major asshole to me in the past, but he's also been the sweetest person ever. But I feel well and truly heartbroken today (I've been with him before and we've had sec before, as some more bf info) when he told me that during my absence from school, he's got a new girlfriend and they've gone out a few times and they even kissed. When he told me this, my first thought was "good for him". The voice in my head told me he was doing it just so I knew he'd never love me, but I could only reply with "well if you love em you'll let em go". That was fine up until I tried to eat dinner, when I found I couldn't stomach a single bite. I left the dinner table early to get some rest. Four hours later I'm still lying in bed - wide awake - horrifically sick. How can I ever even talk to him again? The voice in my head won't stop shouting at me that he doesn't give a shit and to be honest he's proving it right, just like everyone else. I want him to be happy but at the same time my new found illness is trying to get me to kill myself. How do I win?!? Not only this, but if we do end up being just friends AGAIN, I'll be the third wheel to the love of my life...

[Gandalf]

I'm going to first give some background info. I've recently been taken out of school and diagnosed with undifferentiated schizophrenia. I've been off of school for the past week, waiting for a psychiatrist to tell me when I can return.
Anyway, I've been in love for the past year with a specific boy. He's been a major asshole to me in the past, but he's also been the sweetest person ever. But I feel well and truly heartbroken today (I've been with him before and we've had sec before, as some more bf info) when he told me that during my absence from school, he's got a new girlfriend and they've gone out a few times and they even kissed. When he told me this, my first thought was "good for him". The voice in my head told me he was doing it just so I knew he'd never love me, but I could only reply with "well if you love em you'll let em go". That was fine up until I tried to eat dinner, when I found I couldn't stomach a single bite. I left the dinner table early to get some rest. Four hours later I'm still lying in bed - wide awake - horrifically sick. How can I ever even talk to him again? The voice in my head won't stop shouting at me that he doesn't give a shit and to be honest he's proving it right, just like everyone else. I want him to be happy but at the same time my new found illness is trying to get me to kill myself. How do I win?!? Not only this, but if we do end up being just friends AGAIN, I'll be the third wheel to the love of my life...

I know it's difficult having schizophrenia, (since my dad suffered from it). You clearly have the maturity to let your friend be happy, I would just advise that you try and keep yourself busy, if there is something that makes you feel slightly better that occupies your time it'd be worth trying, I know at night once technology goes off at night there isn't much to think about so I'd try and avoid caffeine to try and sleep. -Try and work out what works best for you. Write your feelings down on here or on paper and it'd certainly help clear your head.

Unfortunately self control is what you're going to have to fight, if your parents know about your diagnosis you could tell them how your feeling, I'm sure they're worried about you, and will help.
Relationships don't last long during the teenage years so you won't be third wheel forever, just remember that when it goes pear shaped your friend will still need you.

I sincerely hope I've helped, and if you need anymore support let us know. :)