Kriss41
February 1st, 2013, 11:27 AM
Hey. I'm Kriss (If you can't tell :P) I'm a girl, from the United States. I was born in March, and I'm a Jehovah's Witness.
People believe that jehovah's witnesses never feel the way humans feel. I'm here to say that we do. I've tried to kill myself 5 times in my life. This is my story.
When I was in Public school, I never made friends. I had a hard time meeting new people. The people I did meet hated me. They called me names, treated me terrible, did disgusting things. I had a kid who wrote me letters every ebben day, telling me how much he wished I would die. Then I would go home to my parents and older sister constantly fighting. I had to take on the role of stable adult. At 9. (Gosh I feel like Katniss from The Hunger Games!!! She was real little when she had to take on the role of provider too, from what I remember. Haven't read the book in a long time...) I would put my little brother and sister, and my twin brother to bed. I would tuck myself in, read my own bedtime stories, tell myself it would be okay, and somehow during the night I fell asleep.
I never really went to my parents for help. I reasoned that they were having troubles with my sister and with each other, they didn't need my issues.
Then, two days in a row, a kid sexually assaulted me.
I hit puperty around 8 years of age, developing my breasts and behind around that time. I had douches staring at my chest, my butt, trying to look down my shirt as they passed behind me. That was a total waste of life, because I retained nothing of what I learned. Luckily I'm smart and researched on my own, or else I would be a year behind.
Then, around 10 I finally had enough and opened up to my parents. NO good done there. My parents are awesome, but at that time we were having a lot of problems. More than even I know. My mom told me it can't be that bad, but that she was sorry I was sad.
That night, my parents and siblings left the house and I was alone, claiming I was feeling sick.
I tried to kill myself for the first time that night.
The rest of my stories are basically the same, I told my parents an issue, I couldn't deal anymore. But this last time, this last time is unique.
This final time, I was talking to my big brother (he's actually my best friend, not my big brother) and was telling him I was depressed and wanted to kill myself. I had my pills ready, and was about to chug the entire thing.
He writes to me (Over IM):
"Kriss, you can't do this. I know I don't have much room to talk, I've attempted more than once, but you have to think. What will (name) think? Or your parents? Or your God? What about Satan? Kriss, I love you like a little sister. I can't bear to hear you're in pain. But please, please, please don't hurt yourself anymore. You need to find help, you need to talk to someone, and you NEED to go to your boyfriend and tell him."
That speech became my resolve. What will my parents think? Siblings? Boyfriend? Satan? God? Who will I please, and who will I destroy? (Other than myself of course.)
I decided, then, that the next time I feel suicidal, I'll look for help in any way I can. And I do. Every time I feel depressed, I seek out help. And ya know what?
I get it.
It's your turn now. What's your story? What's stopped you from ending your world?
Do you think you can seek out help before it's too late?
People believe that jehovah's witnesses never feel the way humans feel. I'm here to say that we do. I've tried to kill myself 5 times in my life. This is my story.
When I was in Public school, I never made friends. I had a hard time meeting new people. The people I did meet hated me. They called me names, treated me terrible, did disgusting things. I had a kid who wrote me letters every ebben day, telling me how much he wished I would die. Then I would go home to my parents and older sister constantly fighting. I had to take on the role of stable adult. At 9. (Gosh I feel like Katniss from The Hunger Games!!! She was real little when she had to take on the role of provider too, from what I remember. Haven't read the book in a long time...) I would put my little brother and sister, and my twin brother to bed. I would tuck myself in, read my own bedtime stories, tell myself it would be okay, and somehow during the night I fell asleep.
I never really went to my parents for help. I reasoned that they were having troubles with my sister and with each other, they didn't need my issues.
Then, two days in a row, a kid sexually assaulted me.
I hit puperty around 8 years of age, developing my breasts and behind around that time. I had douches staring at my chest, my butt, trying to look down my shirt as they passed behind me. That was a total waste of life, because I retained nothing of what I learned. Luckily I'm smart and researched on my own, or else I would be a year behind.
Then, around 10 I finally had enough and opened up to my parents. NO good done there. My parents are awesome, but at that time we were having a lot of problems. More than even I know. My mom told me it can't be that bad, but that she was sorry I was sad.
That night, my parents and siblings left the house and I was alone, claiming I was feeling sick.
I tried to kill myself for the first time that night.
The rest of my stories are basically the same, I told my parents an issue, I couldn't deal anymore. But this last time, this last time is unique.
This final time, I was talking to my big brother (he's actually my best friend, not my big brother) and was telling him I was depressed and wanted to kill myself. I had my pills ready, and was about to chug the entire thing.
He writes to me (Over IM):
"Kriss, you can't do this. I know I don't have much room to talk, I've attempted more than once, but you have to think. What will (name) think? Or your parents? Or your God? What about Satan? Kriss, I love you like a little sister. I can't bear to hear you're in pain. But please, please, please don't hurt yourself anymore. You need to find help, you need to talk to someone, and you NEED to go to your boyfriend and tell him."
That speech became my resolve. What will my parents think? Siblings? Boyfriend? Satan? God? Who will I please, and who will I destroy? (Other than myself of course.)
I decided, then, that the next time I feel suicidal, I'll look for help in any way I can. And I do. Every time I feel depressed, I seek out help. And ya know what?
I get it.
It's your turn now. What's your story? What's stopped you from ending your world?
Do you think you can seek out help before it's too late?