No Interest in School

[Sudds3]

I have been posting in here a lot the past few months and i thought that i was getting better but no.

I started cutting a few weeks ago, i am making myself stop because people are starting to suspect. This really sucks because cutting really helped deal with everything. It helps in more ways than i can explain yet they are hard to hide. So onto this week, monday was ok...nothing abnormal not too happy not too depressed. Tuesday was bad, didnt really talk at all yesterday and then today i didnt really talk either. I made myself smile frequently so people think im ok and i made myself eat stuff at lunch even though i wasnt hungry. Im not anorexic its just i dont feel like eating that much, ever.

Today especially my friends kept asking me if i was ok, id just say yeah. Or what was wrong and id say i was tired, which isnt a complete lie because i am...but im tired of living, not just because of lack of sleep. And people would just directly say stuff like "you are really depressed today dude, ive never seen you like this before" its gotten to the point where guys i rarely talk to have come up to me addressing it. I just say that im tired and sore from an intense workout i had and didnt feel like talking or moving or being by people really.

It makes me feel a little better that my friends have finally confronted me about it and are concerned but i just dont want to talk to anyone anymore. And onto the school stuff, i have a history test tomorrow (i hate history) and a biology test (i love biology) usually i would come home and at night i would eagerly study for biology for an hour and then study for history for15-20 minutes. But now i just dont feel like doing either. I dontcare about my grades anymore, i dont care about doing homework, i dont care about school or anything to do with it. But im making myself try a little so my parents to get on me for not doing well in school. Because they expect a 4.0 GPA and its just not on my priority list.

At school i often think of ditching or skipping class because i dont feel like going and then falling asleep and then getting yelled at, or really i dont want to do the work. But my school is very strict about skipping and its an automatic detention if you skip a class, and suspension if you skip a day. So i cant do that. And in biology today we talked about drugs and its effects on the nervous system. It just made me want to do some to just take away the pain, i know dealers and stuff but the little sliver of my brain that is still rational is making me not do any of it.

I just really need some help, ive thought about making an appointment with my counselor but i dont know what i would talk about really, i dont like opening up to people i know because they will judge me and rumors will spread and my parents will find out and things will just go terribly wrong.

[dontfiguremeout]

First off I want to say I'm so sorry for what's happening right now. But going to a counselor would be the best thing. Because you said you aren't so comfortable sharing everything, maybe start getting to know the counselor first before sharing stuff since you'll be more comfortable sharing with someone you kinda know. And far as school wise, all I can say is try and make it interesting. Join some clubs or sports if you haven't? If not, I don't know how to make school interesting. Sorry! Anyways, I really hope you feel better though!

[ReginaGeorge]

I had the same thing last year and it lasted a couple of months. Because of that, I've lost what would be a "study" class I could do work in to repeat a year 11 class while I'm in year 12, and it sucks. It's taking up so much time. It also made me fail so bad that I didn't get credit for taking that class and am now short of credits for graduation high school (we need credits, it's a very stupid system).

I know school sucks, and I know how much you hate it, I was lucky to go twice a week. Sometime I wouldn't go at all, but this has severely affected my schooling, and while you don't care about school right now with how you're feeling, you need to get on top of this, because of school, and also all the other symptoms, especially the not eating, that can be bad, and it actually encourages bad moods.

So things you can do you to help you is try to eat food regularly, and try to eat healthy. Not eating is dropping your energy levels, and eating junk food isn't giving you any nutrients, just taking more energy to digest then not get anything in return, both make your tired, which make your depression worse. I've been there too.

I know how hard it is to talk to people. I know I sound repetitive with "I know how you feel" but I really did used to be exactly this. When your friends ask you what's wrong, just say "I'm more unhappy than usual", or "this test is making me extra down", just a quick answer to get just that little thing off your chest, and also to get you more comfortable with sharing your feelings. You can stop after that sentence, or you can poor your heart out, either way, both will help.

I want to say that stopping cutting is good, but to be completely honest, going cold turkey on any addiction is really really hard, especially when it's your coping mechanism. So, while I'm not encouraging you to cut, I'm just saying try your best to not cut, but don't too much pressure on yourself. Remember to do this for yourself, not just because other people might see, but don't feel guilt by using that to your advantage. Quitting cutting successfully (eliminating urges) is fantastic. The sooner you stop, the better. The longer you do it, the more damage you will do to yourself (you'll go deeper, or do more), and the harder it will be to quit. Some recovered cutters will have occasionally urges for the rest of their lives. Get out while it's still early days, sweetie.

Definitely make an appointment with your counselor. If you don't feel comfortable saying things out loud, you could right them in a letter beforehand so you know that they'll be prepared for you, and you can also refine your letter to what you really want to say. Just for the letter, you should leave out any details of self-harm if you decide to include it, because if they believe you're at risk of seriously hurting yourself then they're allowed to share information, but only then. The counselor isn't allow to share this letter, and you should state it in it if that's what you decide, but this letter isn't an escape plan from talking. You still need to talk once you get there, but this letter would soften the blow for you.

If you don't like the letter, that's okay, you can get a friend to go with you if you like, even if they don't know what's going on with you. A trusted friend knowing can really benefit you. They understand you and they can help you better. During the meeting though, you can just ask them to not intervene, just be supportive. If you really need to, you can scribble to hard words down on paper that you can take with you to depose of later for your own comfort.

Or you could not do these things, not plan, and just poor out whatever comes to mind. It's hard, lovely. But it's so worth it. He/She can help you get out of this awful hole and get you on the right track back to happiness and no self-harm. Do something lovely, or nothing will change. x Good luck with whatever you decide.