He was a friend of mine...

[Zombie Alice]

So five years ago on the first of February, my friend committed suicide. He was my best friend in the whole world, we were like twins and we did everything together that we could. Everyday I miss him, everyday he is on my mind and it hurts so much to think of him. He started off cutting and when I found out I didn't freak out at him, I told him I was there for him and I would help him and he agreed. He had a lot of things going on and I knew about all of them and tried to help him through it but he started to push me away, yelling at me when I said it would get better saying I didn't know that and I didn't know what he was going through. I tried to help him but he kept pushing me away and hurting me with his words, he told me just to leave him alone and forget about everything. I thought maybe if I gave him space maybe it would help him a little but it didn't, I regret everything I would give anything to have him back and it hurts I've forced myself to go on hoping it would eventually hurt less but it hasn't and I'm starting to loose hope.

[Mob Boss]

Hi, there. :hiya:

I know "sorry" won't help you cope or lessen the pain, but I'm sorry you have had to feel that pain for all these years. And I'm sorry you lost someone who had such an impact on your life. I know it will probably sound disgustingly repetitive after all these years of grief, but I truly believe grief takes time. I'm sure you're probably thinking, 5 years? Isn't that long enough?, but people grieve in different ways and at different paces. You sounded like you two practically had a sibling bond. Someone that close to you will feel like a mountain you're having to climb to fully come to terms with it, and to work towards carrying on with your life. When I say "carrying on", I don't mean forget him, that would never happen. I mean, get to a point of stability where you can celebrate the amazing memories you two shared, without feeling angry, guilty, or confused. When you get to a point where you can work on yourself, and he might still be in the back of your mind at times, but instead of being flooded with hurt and negative feelings, you feel a sense of relief and happiness. That time will come for you. You said it yourself; you tried to help. Sometimes people just get to a point where nothing will get through to them, and you tried but he pushed you away. He pushed you away. You did everything you could do. And you gave him an amazing friendship, and memories of you two that can never be erased or changed. You have to let go of the guilt. Letting go, and accepting that you did nothing wrong , will be a tremendous step forward. I know I don't know what you're going through and the emotions you're experiencing, because I truly don't. I've never stood in your shoes. But I know losing hope is the worst thing you can do. Look at how strong you've been thus far? You've endured an unexplainable tragedy, and you're still keeping your head above water. I'm sure as the date draws nearer every year, you start thinking about your friend and what happened and it starts draining you again. As time goes on, and that date rolls around again, it will get easier. :hug: If it isn't too much for you, maybe spend time with his family or friends you guys had in common and just reminisce about all the good moments you all had with him. :hug3: If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to ask me.

[LouBerry]

I havn't been on VT in weeks, because one of my friends just got killed in an accident. I know it isn't the same, because he didn't choose to take his life, but I'm hurting right along with you. It makes it better for me knowing that I'm not alone in my pain.