'Difficult' situation

[IceColdLemon]

Hey, I'm new to this particular forum community, so hello, my name is Matt and im 16 ;]

I'm in a difficult situation right now.. I've got a girlfriend, we've been together for almost 2 years now and in the past 2 months or so, I have realized the love is dying; I don't feel the same towards her as I did for the past year. Our conversations are DEAD, we don't see each other as much although i still make effort to try and fix this whole situation but I'm still not feeling it. She (my girlfriend and lets call her Sandra) noticed that our relationship has changed and is not the same as before and I agreed. Now she's also trying to fix things up but it just isn't working; '' Let's spend some time together today shall we ? '' - '' Yeah sure bebe'', and finally when it comes to it , I'm there trying to make a convo about every possible topic i could think of ; even tell her few rumors I've heard which i really don't like spreading as im not that kind of a person. It just doesn't work.
Now let me introduce this other girl to you and let's call her Emily. We're in the same class so we see each other most of the day and i can't help but flirt with her and no other girl; i guess i've got a crush on her. To be honest i've always found her attractive with a nice personality which is really different to other girls. In my eyes she stands out from the crowd of girls. I flirt with her, she sort of flirts back with me but not so that it's obvious as she knows that I'm in a relationship, but overall we are good friends , we became quite close now and we talk a lot, wether its through texting, calling or in person.
Emily has been around mine a couple of weeks ago and we sat talking in my room, watching youtube videos and shiz and ended up watching a film. We sat on the bed like strangers really, but then i lie on my bed and she was still sitting there but each time she got up and sat back down she sort of moved towards my groin area with her bum pressing against it. I'm not sure wether it was intentional or not, I thought hmm, what she trying to say? Then i asked wether she wants to watch a movie or not and she said yes, we picked the movie and i told her to lie down with me so she did, but on my chest. I had to put my hand over her at that point otherwise I'd be laying on it uncomfortably and it landed on her boob. She didn't flinch at all and it was obvious because i could feel it and we just watched the movie, which i thought to myself must also mean something ; does she like me ? ;o
In the end i walked her home as it was raining and we hugged for quite a long time by her house and said that we enjoyed the time spent together and it was this different kind of hug.

The other day or so, Emily told me who she fancies, I though it was this other boy she is also close with and his my mate but nope, it was one of my 'old' best friends ( we're still good friends and she knows it), and because of that, she asked me to tell him that she likes him , even though they never spoke before but only sat to each other in one of their classes.
When she told me all that, it literally ruined my plans. My plan was to tell her that I'm falling for her and I've liked her for quite a while and that I've always found her attractive when she's going to come over to my house in couple of days. But since she has told me about who she likes i'm not sure what to do.
I'm now contemplating whether to carry on with my 'plan' and tell her how i fell towards her or just play along , stay in the ' friend zone ' and help her out with my best friends.
Having said that, I am also thinking about breaking up with Sandra ;/ Because to be honest im not happy with her anymore and day by day it's going down hill.

So thats the whole story. Sorry for making it so long, I just had to let it all out and see what you guys think and any advice / ideas are VERY welcome ;]

For those who read it and reply thank you so much for taking time to read all this ;]


-Matt

[Lost in the Echo]

Yeah, you should probably break up with your current girlfriend, because you two don't seem to have interest in each other anymore.
As for this other girl, it sounds like both of you have strong feelings for each other.
It's kinda odd that she has a crush on your friend, but from what you said, it sounds like she really likes you.
I think you should tell her how you feel about her.
It won't hurt to try.

Despite this girl "liking" your friend, it sounds like she might be in love with you. So if you like her enough, then go for it.
You'll never know unless you try.

Good luck.:)

[IceColdLemon]

Yeah, you should probably break up with your current girlfriend, because you two don't seem to have interest in each other anymore.
As for this other girl, it sounds like both of you have strong feelings for each other.
It's kinda odd that she has a crush on your friend, but from what you said, it sounds like she really likes you.
I think you should tell her how you feel about her.
It won't hurt to try.

Despite this girl "liking" your friend, it sounds like she might be in love with you. So if you like her enough, then go for it.
You never know unless you try.

Good luck.:)

My girlfriend still has feelings for me though which is another problem as i don't want to hurt her. She lost her virginity to me and so did i to her which i think could hurt her quite a bit ;/

So you say i should go for it and tell her how i feel hmm; do you reckon it would make things awkward and ruin our friendship once i tell her and maybe in fact she doesn't feel the same way towards me? ;s

[Lost in the Echo]

My girlfriend still has feelings for me though which is another problem as i don't want to hurt her. She lost her virginity to me and so did i to her which i think could hurt her quite a bit ;/

So you say i should go for it and tell her how i feel hmm; do you reckon it would make things awkward and ruin our friendship once i tell her and maybe in fact she doesn't feel the same way towards me? ;s

Well, it's up to you what you do. I think you should do, whatever you think is best.

What I would suggest though, is to tell both of them how you truly feel. "Honesty is the best policy", and I believe that's true.
Tell your girlfriend you've just lost interest in her, and you have developed feelings for another girl.

And, whenever you think the time is right, tell this other girl how you feel about her.
I don't think it will ruin your friendship, she seems to really like you, and I doubt she'll let something like this ruin your friendship with her.

Again, just do whatver you think is best. I'm just giving you suggestions, and telling you what I would do, if I was in this situation.
Do whatever you think is right.:)

[IceColdLemon]

Well, it's up to you what you do. I think you should do, whatever you think is best.

What I would suggest though, is to tell both of them how you truly feel. "Honesty is the best policy", and I believe that's true.
Tell your girlfriend you've just lost interest in her, and you have developed feelings for another girl.

And, whenever you think the time is right, tell this other girl how you feel about her.
I don't think it will ruin your friendship, she seems to really like you, and I doubt she'll let something like this ruin your friendship with her.

Again, just do whatver you think is best. I'm just giving you suggestions, and telling you what I would do, if I was in this situation.
Do whatever you think is right.:)


I'm not sure what's best though and that's why I'm seeking help on forums ;]
thanks for your advice though, I actually value it a lot and have taken it into consideration ;]

[FreeFall]

My girlfriend still has feelings for me though which is another problem as i don't want to hurt her. She lost her virginity to me and so did i to her which i think could hurt her quite a bit ;/
You're having an emotional affair. You're cheating on her emotionally with Emily. What feelings have you for Sandra for her benefit and kindness?

You touched another girl's boob. In your bed. Cuddling with her. In your bed. After her butt touched your groin. In your bed. And you two didn't hug, you held. And you decide now to think about Sandra and how she would feel?
How will carrying on in your emotional straying be good for her? Don't you feel you deserve someone you can be happy with? That you can feel you can cherish and enjoy?
That you don't have to force yourself to be with?

Don't you think Sandra deserves a man who can return all of her effort and affections without an Emily in his life? Someone that can give her his 100% and not 40? Someone she can be happy with naturally?

What if Emily's trying to make you jealous? What if it's a passive hint for you to do something? How will you know when you're tying yourself to a relationship you find no happiness in and are already leaving, if not left already?

[StoneColdNicky]

My girlfriend still has feelings for me though which is another problem as i don't want to hurt her. She lost her virginity to me and so did i to her which i think could hurt her quite a bit ;/



Look, if you're initiating a break up, there's always a risk it's going to hurt someone. Even if it seems mutual or natural or something, there's still going to be a sense of something she had that she's lost, and you might too. You say now that she still has feelings, and chances are you do too.

But in your original post you describe how all your time with Sandra seems forced (that's how it sounded when you described it anyway.) Even if she hasn't said so, chances are she's felt it, or at the very least suspected it, even if she's pushed it away. Forget about Emily for the time being and think about your relationship with Sandra. You're not enjoying yourself any more, but it isn't like you're constantly fighting or anything. Sometimes people grow apart. It happens, and it's better to address that now while there's a chance you can leave in a way where you can both say 'We had some good times,' instead of her just seeing the jerk who started seeing Emily while you were still officially together.

[IceColdLemon]

You're having an emotional affair. You're cheating on her emotionally with Emily. What feelings have you for Sandra for her benefit and kindness?

You touched another girl's boob. In your bed. Cuddling with her. In your bed. After her butt touched your groin. In your bed. And you two didn't hug, you held. And you decide now to think about Sandra and how she would feel?
How will carrying on in your emotional straying be good for her? Don't you feel you deserve someone you can be happy with? That you can feel you can cherish and enjoy?
That you don't have to force yourself to be with?

Don't you think Sandra deserves a man who can return all of her effort and affections without an Emily in his life? Someone that can give her his 100% and not 40? Someone she can be happy with naturally?

What if Emily's trying to make you jealous? What if it's a passive hint for you to do something? How will you know when you're tying yourself to a relationship you find no happiness in and are already leaving, if not left already?

I realized i care for Sandra as a friend now, everything has changed and i feel like shes no more than a good friend to me now.

I didnt mean for all that to happen, i dont think it was intentional and i wasn't actually touching her boob, it just happened to fall on that area which i found comfortable on laying.

But anyway, I dont think she deserves better and i still care for her therefore i will end it soon.

[IceColdLemon]

Look, if you're initiating a break up, there's always a risk it's going to hurt someone. Even if it seems mutual or natural or something, there's still going to be a sense of something she had that she's lost, and you might too. You say now that she still has feelings, and chances are you do too.

But in your original post you describe how all your time with Sandra seems forced (that's how it sounded when you described it anyway.) Even if she hasn't said so, chances are she's felt it, or at the very least suspected it, even if she's pushed it away. Forget about Emily for the time being and think about your relationship with Sandra. You're not enjoying yourself any more, but it isn't like you're constantly fighting or anything. Sometimes people grow apart. It happens, and it's better to address that now while there's a chance you can leave in a way where you can both say 'We had some good times,' instead of her just seeing the jerk who started seeing Emily while you were still officially together.

I still do have feelings for her , deep inside, when i think about breaking up with her i do feel a bit of pain to be honest. But it will be better for us if we break up now. We going off to different sixth forms and it will be a good opportunity for both of us to have a fresh start. If i do end it now, she'll have time and so will i to get over it before we hit the A levels which are difficult.

What I described in the original post is basically the 2 month and how they been. Before the 2 months, we enjoyed our relationship, we were a happy coupe but then it just collapsed ;s

I'm not planing on going out with Emily anymore ( at the right moment anyway). I'm going to stay single for a while, give everything a break ;]

thanks for the reply though, appreciate it ;]

[StoneColdNicky]

It's a good move, and it sounds like you're making it for the right reasons. Yes, people will be hurt, but hopefully doing it now gives you the chance to be friends or at least civil and move towards that point where you can look back and laugh.