I want to kill myself but I don't want to kill myself.

[ReginaGeorge]

I don't really know how to explain, but as the title says, sometimes I want to kill myself, but I don't want to actually kill myself? I don't know if I just want to do a lot of damage to myself, or whether I'm just fantasizing. I don't really know how to interpret it. I'm not really depressed, although I'm not really happy, and never really have been, but then I guess I don't really have any true happiness to compare depression to do I? Can I be happy and sad? If I were just in the middle of those, I wouldn't have these feelings? I've had a lot of issues through my life, and I don't know if they contribute, or if there's anything to actually contribute to because I have no idea how I feel. I guess I want to kill myself, but I don't actually want to die?

Can someone help me interpret all this? :(

[VictoriaGotaSecret]

Maybe its someone you love that changes your mind when you think of them

[georgiamay]

Maybe the first place to start would be why do you want to kill yourself? Judging by what you've written it sounds like you don't really know how you feel right now, and answering these kinds of questions will probably help. You don't have to say them here, just in your head if you want to. Just try and think why?

Giving names to feelings can be pretty hard, nearly impossible, but sometimes it helps you understand what it is that's going on in your head. Past experiences and trauma's can lead to issues later on, so whatever's going on in your life or has gone on in the past could be effecting you without you realising. Maybe whenever you think about suicide, make a note of what caused you to think of it. It could be a certain situation or even just a thought in your own head, or even a memory, but make a note of it. Soon enough you'll see what triggers these things, and you'll realise what you're problems are.

I know you said you don't acually want to kill yourself, but I'm assuming you think about doing it, but when it comes down to thinking about whether or not you want to do it, you decide that you don't. I used to get this a lot. I'd think about doing it all the time, but I never did because there was always something that made me think "I shouldn't," or "I don't actually want to die." Even now I don't know what I actually wanted to do. I used to walk down a busy road and imagine myself jumping infront of a car, and the thought almost made me excited. I never did it, but sometimes I really really wanted to. It's surprising how much clearer things seem once you've worked out what it is that makes you want to do these things.

[Wrestler0821]

No need for a long term solution for a short term problem

[izzybeth]

I wanted to put a bag over my head once ut think about who will miss you.Your family and friends will miss you.You need to think about it.Dont let anything get in your way.You need to take deep breaths,walk away for a few minutes and then go back to what u were doing.ur welcome for the advice;)