i fuck everything up. /.\

[kadeekat]

so, just today,i got a message from my best friend telling me that him, and the rest of my friends in my school think i'm annoying and disgusting. i tried to "ok" it out but i couldnt and still cant shake the fact that i KNOW its true. >.< i get in peoples personal space, i cling to my best friend, and repetitively try to make plans, and i talk and joke innapropriately with them when they do..and im just NOW figuring this out and my self hate and depression have shot out of the roof. most people, the popular kids, the ones without 500374387 problems, have plenty of friends. me on the other hand, aside from the internet have about one. and by friend i mean someone i trust, someone who is kinda my twin in a lot of ways, that i can come to anything about, and he can do the same for me. the reason im reppetitive, clingy, and kinda invadey-of-personal space is because im insecure that one day they're going to just walk out and leave because i, once again, fucked things up, so i try to spend every second with them because hes one of the only "happy" vibes i have. but that has caused the exact opposite. people are slowly slipping away and i just CANT go back to that phase where i literally had noone & did a lot of damage to myself, inside and out. the urges to do so right now are so fucking hard to resist. the people i used to come to about this stuff are now the reason im wanting to. i know how to stop being annoying and a disgusting freak, but the embarrasement i'm gonna feel when i walk into school, sit at lunch with them, knowing they all share in common the feeling that me not being there would make their time a lot more pleasurable. plus.. seeing the fact that im changing/trying to, will make them think im desperate again..there's no way out & im just breaking down waaaaaaaaaay faster than it took me to build up friendships. one of them even said they'd rather drop me as a friend completely..someone, just please tell me what to do..? i know im fat, ugly, a suicidal slug who destroys everything in its path, but i want to pull myself together., maybe people will see me as more than just something they tolerate.

[Lyra Heartstrings]

..I'm never going to leave. I'm just a bit frustrated. This has all been blown seriously out of proportion.

[ImAJock]

im really sorry. idk really what else to say. praying for you

[AtomiicFrogz]

I know how you feel. My friends didnt want to be around an "emo" kid. I hated being called that lol. But i get exactly what you mean. Im sorry ^_^

[Lost in the Echo]

Don't change who you are, just for them. If they don't like you, then that's their problem.
You can't make them like you, and why would you want to?
It sounds like they're complete assholes to you.

The only friend you need, and whom you should care about keeping as a friend, is the one who you said you can always trust. Fuck the other ones.
The only friend you need, is the one who's always been there for you.

[jayyy-lmao]

I know how you feel. When I moved schools two years ago I was desperate to fit in. Bit you shouldn't change who you are for them. I have a friend who's like a twin. We talk and support each other. Recently one of my friends went all out on me. I ruined her relationship with her crush. I was very sad. I didn't realize I annoyed her so much. Just stick to your twin.

[Lyra Heartstrings]

I feel the need to defend myself here. I'm the friend that's a twin. And yes, myself and our group of friends have asked Kadee to change. Because we don't want to lose her. I don't want to lose her. I'd consider her my sister. But there is only so much annoyance I, and we, can take. I tried to be as nice as possible when asking her about this. Obviously, I wasn't nice enough. Quite honestly, though, it'd hurt me more than anything to lose her. Maybe our circle of friends don't agree. Like I said..I don't want to lose her. I could have just told her to fuck off and never spoken to her again. But I didn't. I tried to resolve this.
..This is probably a very scatterbrained post because I'm rather frustrated. If it makes no sense, I apologize.

[Cece14]

Change the way you act around them then stay low out of everyone else's business or if that don't work say " we'll people if you don't like it then get out of my face"
I'm praying for you hope things get better, don't worry things will get better;)