"Don't be afraid to give up the good to go for the great"

[henrietta1423]

Almost 11 months. She's 16, I'm 15. Happy, but rarely. :p

Our relationship is dying out, simply put. I no longer am as interested in her as I first was. I don't intend on staying with her for the rest of my life. She's nice, and we have nice moments, but she's not my dream girl. But i'm putting off the break up.

We've fought a good 8/9ths of the past 3 months, over jealousy, parents, annoyances, and pretty much everything else a couple can fight about. Except cheating, thankfully.

The two of us are different in plenty of ways, and many people wonder why we're together. But for the better part of our 11 months she's made me happy and I have her; we escaped aloneness in eachother.

But am I ready to be alone? We bicker constantly, she's always crying, I'm always annoyed/upset. She also has to deal with much more jealousy than I do, because as shallow as this sounds, I'm the more attractive one. (I'm not sure whether this is lucky for me or unlucky in our relationship). So she's always jealous.

And I've been thinking about other girls lately >.< I fantasize all the time and even though I never flirt and I would never cheat on her, i'm losing attraction to her and I know that if it has happened before we've even made a year then it can't mean well for us spending our lives together. I want to see other people, and I want to be able to hang out with more people and have more time for my friends- but I don't want to be alone :/

To top things off, I think she's crushing on my best friend .-. i know she would never do anything about it but still, it's embarrassing.

I can't figure out what I should do. I've been postponing our breakup for months! Do I cut it off now or do I let it hang on by a thread? Do I try to make it work, and try to spend the rest of my life with my first girlfriend? I mean I can make myself love her if i try, but how well will that really work..... and if i do break up with her, how would i do it? I want to minimize the damage because she really loves me and i care about her. WHAT SHOULD I DO. btw: I know I'll come off as a douche, you don't have to remind me :/

[tundravortex]

well first thing is to ignore the jealousy because that makes thing alot worse....anyway do what you kids enjoy,go out to a movie,get a job for some money so you can do things and make her happy again just do stuff that might spark up your relationship with her

[Lost in the Echo]

You should do it some time soon. Just tell her how you feel, be honest, you can't control the way you feel, and there's no point in being in a relationship when you're unhappy.

Just come out and tell her exactly how you feel.
You'll feel a lot better once you get this off your chest.

[FreeFall]

Almost 11 months. She's 16, I'm 15. Happy, but rarely. :p

Our relationship is dying out, simply put.
Your relationship is the horse laying on the side of the road with it's neck sliced open, struggling to die.

Why are you two dragging it out, wouldn't you rather end with a mind full of happy memories than how you both went down dragging at each other and screaming and crying?
But i'm putting off the break up.

The stop doing that.

we escaped aloneness in eachother.

This is a terrible reason to even date.
You do not date to "not be alone". You can still be completely alone in a relationship. It happens all of the time.
And it sounds like both of you are feeling alone again, and it's angering you two, because you have each other, so why are you two so alone?

Don't rely on other people for your own happiness. That's not what dating is. Dating is increasing your own happiness and someone else's but not being the sole reason for it. You and she should be the exponential factor, not the sole reason.
But am I ready to be alone? We bicker constantly, she's always crying, I'm always annoyed/upset. She also has to deal with much more jealousy than I do, because as shallow as this sounds, I'm the more attractive one. (I'm not sure whether this is lucky for me or unlucky in our relationship). So she's always jealous.
She's always jealous? Did of you have taken steps in helping her? Or was it ignored?
I want to see other people, and I want to be able to hang out with more people and have more time for my friends- but I don't want to be alone :/

But you are already alone.

There is another person with you who is very alone.

You're not having much of a great life anymore being alone together, you see, so why are you trying to cling? The space is already there, that void is there, you're so very alone in your relationship.

Also;
. I don't intend on staying with her for the rest of my life

If she isn't your forever person, why are you trying to keep her?

To top things off, I think she's crushing on my best friend .-. i know she would never do anything about it but still, it's embarrassing.
I'm getting a selfish vibe from you. You're hurting, she's hurting, you're alone, she's alone, and you don't seem to be asking how to keep her from hurting or what you can do for her or how to mend what you cannot.

I can't figure out what I should do. I've been postponing our breakup for months! Do I cut it off now or do I let it hang on by a thread?
One more day of being miserable and alone together, or another 5 months maybe even a year of being alone and miserable together? Which sounds better?

Do I try to make it work, and try to spend the rest of my life with my first girlfriend? I mean I can make myself love her if i try, but how well will that really work.....
You cannot make yourself love someone you don't care about let alone like.

Alos;
. I don't intend on staying with her for the rest of my life
Why say this is you're asking if it's going to be ok living a lie? Also, she may leave you. You don't really get to plan the future like that. Especially when the present is already so chalky.

and if i do break up with her, how would i do it? I want to minimize the damage because she really loves me and i care about her. WHAT SHOULD I DO. btw: I know I'll come off as a douche, you don't have to remind me :/
Ah. I knew I that selfish vibe wasn't just me. You got it too! She loves you, you just care about her. You can care about goldfish, crackers and your shoes too. You've placed her in the same plane of common day things.

No use in staying with her, the girl needs someone who will love her back and you need someone who you can love and not be alone with.

To minimize it, you shouldn't have dragged it out for months. That does more damage than good. Especially because girls will take note of how long they have been together.
"Me and my ex lasted for 6 months."
"Yea? me and my ex lasted almost a year! We almost had our anniversary! We could have had one! Waaaah!"

But no time machine, what's done is done. So just tell her you care about her but the love is gone, and this needs to end. She may cry, sob, try to cling, but it's for the best that she find someone who suits her and you yourself too.

[Eric57]

Honestly, I think the answer is simple: Break up with her. You are losing attraction to her, you are miserable all the time with each other, and you know you won't spend the rest of your life with her. Why continue a relationship with a girl if you are losing your attraction and you don't see a future? Ultimately, it's pointless. Breaking up with her now gives you more time and more of a chance to find someone you actually do like and do see a future with. Besides, staying with somebody simply because you are don't want to be alone is just awful. What's the point of being in a relationship with this girl if you aren't happy? Makes no sense. The obvious solution is to break up with her. You aren't doing yourself any favors by staying with her and vice versa.

[henrietta1423]

Hm. well alright then. I guess it is obvious. Thank you guys. I posted this on two other teen forums and got similar responses.

I think I'm going to wait til we hit our one year though, I at least want to give her that nice memory. I'm going to buy her the 200$ (idk where I'll find the money) silver necklace from tiffany and co. and have a nice day with her. But then, and I am definitely not going to postpone it, and then the day after I will break up with her. :c I have to. So that's what I do. If you guys think that's a bad plan let me know your reasoning!

[FreeFall]

Hm. well alright then. I guess it is obvious. Thank you guys. I posted this on two other teen forums and got similar responses.

I think I'm going to wait til we hit our one year though, I at least want to give her that nice memory. I'm going to buy her the 200$ (idk where I'll find the money) silver necklace from tiffany and co. and have a nice day with her. But then, and I am definitely not going to postpone it, and then the day after I will break up with her. :c I have to. So that's what I do. If you guys think that's a bad plan let me know your reasoning!

BAD PLAN. VERY BAD PLAN. NO. NO. NO! Do NOT do that to this poor girl!

You think you'll be doing good by giving her a good memory but it's a lie!
She will think by hitting the one year, you guys will have no problem hitting the next three, or even getting married! She will be in a bliss of how long you have lasted, how long you will last, and that necklace.
She will have a lovely necklace from a guy she will think she can spend forever with.

BOOM. He leaves her. WHY!? How come! You just spent your anniversary together! You were happy! You gave her that necklace! What did she do! WHY ARE YOU LEAVING HER AFTER SUCH A DAY OF HAPPINESS AND A DAY OF A COUPLE'S LOVE!? Is probably what she will think and feel.

Do you see? You're giving her gifts and happiness, only to yank the rug from under her feet and push her into a street of fast moving trucks.

And after an anniversary? Big douche move. I'm sorry but why not break-up with her on her birthday if you see no problem leaving after an anniversary, a day where couples celebrate their first year of being a couple, having made it through hard-ships, having a strong bond to make it this far, where all you're doing is going to use it as a leeway of breaking up with her.

Stop dragging your feet. Again it's doing neither of you any good.

Why "give her" nice memories when the next day/next month you will shatter them? It's selfish.

[Eric57]

Hm. well alright then. I guess it is obvious. Thank you guys. I posted this on two other teen forums and got similar responses.

I think I'm going to wait til we hit our one year though, I at least want to give her that nice memory. I'm going to buy her the 200$ (idk where I'll find the money) silver necklace from tiffany and co. and have a nice day with her. But then, and I am definitely not going to postpone it, and then the day after I will break up with her. :c I have to. So that's what I do. If you guys think that's a bad plan let me know your reasoning!

I'm sorry, but that is an AWFUL plan. Do NOT do that. You are going to wait until you hit 1 year, buy her an expensive necklace, and break up with her the next day? That special memory of you guys hitting 1 year and getting an expensive gift will be ruined and shattered when you break up with you.

Break up with her as soon as you possibly can. That is my advice. Ultimately you are leading her on and giving her false hope. Why continue with a relationship and spend all kinds of money on expensive gifts when you are going to end it? You are wasting your time, her time, and you are wasting your money on a girl you don't even want to be with.

Again, that is an awful plan. Do not do it, please. Just break up with her and get it over with you. You are just dragging it out.

[Fiction]

In my experience, when you're dreading doing something like this it will only bother you until you do it. Once you do it very quickly you get used to the new situation and things settle down. The build up is the worst part, so the sooner you leave her the sooner this ends. You've already made your mind up about her, so why wait?

[henrietta1423]

Okay, I'll do it before the 1 year... BUT what do I tell people? If people find out I broke up with her cause I was losing feelings, I'll most likely gain a ton of enemies (aka her friends) and get a douche reputation. Right now as a "taken guy" who doesn't talk to girls much and definitely doesn't flirt, all I have going for me is that i'm a good guy. But if I dump her I'll automatically become a douche in the eyes of people... for a while at least. I know this the most selfish post you've ever seen, but is there any way to avoid getting a bad rep from all of this? Comeon, I'm a teen. What do I tell people? and how long should I wait before talking to girls again? MUchos Gracias to all you wonderful souls c:

[FreeFall]

WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE?
Let them talk. Let them speak! Would you be as worried if they were wondering why you didn't get her pregnant? Would you hope right on over to her home and make her pregnant then? Would you be as worried if they asked why you didn't give her an STD? Forget "saving face", this is who you really are. I'm disgusted at how selfish you are, while you had a girlfriend even. Ugh.
There WILL be those that do not care. They'll see "OH he's single now!" and there's that for you.
Remember, the world doesn't revolve around you and not everyone is going to give a damn. If your school does, that sucks, go to a pool and meet new people.

Tell them it was over and leave it at that. They don't need to freaking know. They were not your girlfriend, you were not their boyfriend, it's not their business. Come on, I'm a teen too but even when my peer males were 15 years old they had more respect and sensibility.

[Eric57]

Okay, I'll do it before the 1 year... BUT what do I tell people? If people find out I broke up with her cause I was losing feelings, I'll most likely gain a ton of enemies (aka her friends) and get a douche reputation. Right now as a "taken guy" who doesn't talk to girls much and definitely doesn't flirt, all I have going for me is that i'm a good guy. But if I dump her I'll automatically become a douche in the eyes of people... for a while at least. I know this the most selfish post you've ever seen, but is there any way to avoid getting a bad rep from all of this? Comeon, I'm a teen. What do I tell people? and how long should I wait before talking to girls again? MUchos Gracias to all you wonderful souls c:

You do realize that the majority of people break up for that reason, don't you? Most people break up because the feelings just aren't there anymore or something of the sort. You won't get a bad rep for that. Now, if you treated her awful, beat her, etc., then yes, you would get a bad rep. But breaking up simply because the feelings aren't there is more than normal. Trust me though, nobody is going to think you are a douche. That is just silly to think that they will.

Also, why do you have to tell people anyways? Just tell them you don't want to talk about it and leave it at that. No reason to go and tell everybody all your personal business. It's nobody business but your own (and hers).

[henrietta1423]

I just did it..... I feel empty

[FreeFall]

That's normal. But it's not permanent. It will go away, give it a week or two.

Even if your girlfriend had been stabbing you with rusty knives on a daily basis and smearing poop in your hair, you know horrifically abusing you, you will STILL have that same feeling.
In that situation you'd feel relief, freedom and some fear but that empty would still be there. It's just a natural feeling to feel, because that's a part of your life that won't come back.