I don't know anymore

[HeartCoreHannah]

I broke down and self harmed last night. I burned my wrist pretty bad; Burning usually isn't my SH of choice, but I knew the moment I started cutting again, I wouldn't be able to stop.

Everything is just so bad right now. Things can never be okay. I don't know how things got this bad, so fast. My mom found out her tumors are back, so she has to go back to Florida to have another surgery. They say this time, she'll be in a wheel chair for sure. I mean, her being in a wheel chair isn't a huge deal, but she the odds of her surviving the surgery again are 2%.

The thought of not having my mom around is my worst fear. I know she isn't going to live forever, but I need her now & will need her until the day I die. Just thinking about her being sick is making me want to cut. Usually I would go to her, but I can't. She'll feel guilty and think I'm cutting because of her. I can't put that weight on her shoulders too.

I don't know what to do about anything, anymore. I'm ready to give up again.

But, I am going to go watch a movie and try not to self destruct for the rest of the night. I hope you all are well. Goodnight. <3

[that-god-chick]

first dont be disapointed or get angry at urself for selfharming.. it seems like ur having a really hard time at the moment.. try not to think about ur mums condiction like that, be postive mericale can happen, i know this little baby who was born and the right side of her heart wasnt working everyone said she wouldnt make it she didnt even have a 2% chance of making it but she is still alive now and sure everyday is a fight but everyday is another mericale.. try to think of it like day sure there is a chance but u never fully know ur mum could be a mericale and get though though this everyday will be a fight for the both of you but everyday is another chance an extra day take it and live it for her.. dont give up stay strong and postive beautiful.. things will be ok

as for the self harm i know things are really hard just try to distract urself as much as u can, watch a movie go for a run do art.. anything, stay strong beautiful always here if u wanna chat about anything

[epic brownie]

No matter what, there is always going to be someone around for you. Please do not hurt yourself, it will just put you into deeper depression. Instead punch a pillow a couple times, or just relax and listen to music. That usually helps me. Hope I helped, stay safe. :)

[Desuetude]

I know what you're going through must be heartbreaking and I'm sincerely sorry your mum is ill again but you just have to hold onto hope that she'll be one of those in that 2%. Make her your motivation to keep going, how do you think she'd react if she knew you'd given up. She would want you to keep going and do your best no matter what. I understand that you dont want to talk to your mum specifically but it might be helpful for you to find someone you trust to confide in. Keeping all of these worries about your mum to yourself wont help at all. There are lots of people supporting you willing you not to give up.

[HeartCoreHannah]

first dont be disapointed or get angry at urself for selfharming.. it seems like ur having a really hard time at the moment.. try not to think about ur mums condiction like that, be postive mericale can happen, i know this little baby who was born and the right side of her heart wasnt working everyone said she wouldnt make it she didnt even have a 2% chance of making it but she is still alive now and sure everyday is a fight but everyday is another mericale.. try to think of it like day sure there is a chance but u never fully know ur mum could be a mericale and get though though this everyday will be a fight for the both of you but everyday is another chance an extra day take it and live it for her.. dont give up stay strong and postive beautiful.. things will be ok

as for the self harm i know things are really hard just try to distract urself as much as u can, watch a movie go for a run do art.. anything, stay strong beautiful always here if u wanna chat about anything

I will do that. Thank you. <3



No matter what, there is always going to be someone around for you. Please do not hurt yourself, it will just put you into deeper depression. Instead punch a pillow a couple times, or just relax and listen to music. That usually helps me. Hope I helped, stay safe. :)

That is one thing I've learned; self harming makes my depression much worse. But yeah, you're right. There is always someone around for me, especially on here. I have made a lot of good friends. I just have a really bad habit of ignoring people when something is wrong because I feel like I'm a burden.
You did help, I appreciate it. If you ever want to talk, I'll be here for you, by the way. :)

I know what you're going through must be heartbreaking and I'm sincerely sorry your mum is ill again but you just have to hold onto hope that she'll be one of those in that 2%. Make her your motivation to keep going, how do you think she'd react if she knew you'd given up. She would want you to keep going and do your best no matter what. I understand that you dont want to talk to your mum specifically but it might be helpful for you to find someone you trust to confide in. Keeping all of these worries about your mum to yourself wont help at all. There are lots of people supporting you willing you not to give up.

I actually talked to her about how I felt. At first, she did blame herself, like I know she would, but I explained to her it wasn't her fault. I know she obviously didn't want to get ill. But I promised I would try my hardest not to sh, and if I wanted to, I would go to her and talk to her first.
Anyways, thanks for your kind words. They are greatly appreciated.

[xXl0sth0peXx]

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry about your mom :( That must be awful..

Use the idea that you don't want to put the weight of it on her shoulders a reason not to self harm. Try listening to music or talking with someone - be it your mom or a friend or anyone here on VT. We're all here to support you, and you can do this.

Stay strong, & feel free to PM me if you ever need anyone <3

[HeartCoreHannah]

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry about your mom :( That must be awful..

Use the idea that you don't want to put the weight of it on her shoulders a reason not to self harm. Try listening to music or talking with someone - be it your mom or a friend or anyone here on VT. We're all here to support you, and you can do this.

Stay strong, & feel free to PM me if you ever need anyone <3

It it awful. I feel so hopeless because there is nothing I can do for her.. :l

I have been doing that and so far it has worked. Thanks for your advice, I will message you if I need anyone. & the same goes for you, I will be here. <3