I'm ready...

[LoveMe_HateMe]

Got my blade and everything ready. I want to give in so bad. I cant do this, I need this. I just dont want my days to hit 0 again. But then again I deserve it. I deserve the blade and everything that comes with it - the pain, the blood, the scars, the dissapointment from everyone. Not that many will care. I hate this battle, I want it to be over.

I'm calm, I know I am but its the calm before the storm, I can feel it. This ones going to be worse, I can feel it. I think its because I know how long I've gone this time.

I'm getting worse - I'm missing more and more college. Not going out as much, hiding in my room, locking myself away. I don't knkw how much longer I can do this.

I'm scared.

[Breakeven]

dont!
you are stronger . put everything away
think how strong you have been , no one deserve it
go sleep or go out for a walk or take a hot shower , i promise in couple hours u will be more calm and be happy you didnt hurt urself
dont think about it , you are not alone :hug: im here if you wanna talk

[LoveMe_HateMe]

dont!
you are stronger . put everything away
think how strong you have been , no one deserve it
go sleep or go out for a walk or take a hot shower , i promise in couple hours u will be more calm and be happy you didnt hurt urself
dont think about it , you are not alone :hug: im here if you wanna talk

I'm not that strong though, I'm meant to be at college, but I cant face anyone. Pushing it away will only make it worse, tonight/tomorrow whenever they next come back. I cant deal with it anymore - not thinking about it, is how I got in this situation in the first place, I forget rather than try to find a solution and its slowly killing me.

[Breakeven]

I'm not that strong though, I'm meant to be at college, but I cant face anyone. Pushing it away will only make it worse, tonight/tomorrow whenever they next come back. I cant deal with it anymore - not thinking about it, is how I got in this situation in the first place, I forget rather than try to find a solution and its slowly killing me.

dont think about anyone , all you have to do now is getting better and you are not alone i am here and all vt is here for you
it will take time and you are strong , dont dare tell urself anything other then that
you will push that feeling away and you will be happy with yourself , you just need to work on whats going on with you and figure things out

[Desuetude]

Talk to someone. You don't need the blade, it's always there for you I know but it won't ever work as a long term solution. You can forget for now, for a few days maybe, a couple months, what happens after though? You need to find a solution and in the end, cutting is just going to postpone what actually needs to be done.

Is there anyone you can talk to and confide in, in real life? A guidance counsellor at college? Just someone that could start off the chain of getting you the help you need. You are strong, don't let yourself think that you're not. You have courage to post here. You might be thinking you're ready to give in but you're still posting, reaching out, you're still battling against yourself and it's the fight that makes you strong.

Reaching out and finding help is hard but it's the first step that's always the most difficult, it will get easier if you can find someone you trust to help you. You don't deserve to feel like this. You deserve to get better and not have to rely on self harm any more. You need to pick yourself up again and clear your mind. What matters is finding a way out of this, not driving yourself in deeper. Find distractions and don't give up, you've shown you can get away from the zero, if you relapse you know you can do it again. Just take each day as it comes.