I just don't know anymore...

[xarvon1412]

Guys help me out, please. About a month ago my girlfriend broke up with me, she told me that she wasn't ready for a relationship. She had been my girlfriend for nearly ten months, I was so happy with her. When I was with her I was the happiest that I've ever been. I've cut since seventh grade, and when I was with her I didn't need to cut anymore. But...then she left me. She told me that she loved me, that she cared about me, and then gave me a note, telling me it was over...I want to scream, yell, cry, but mostly I want to cut. Feel the pain, the only pain in my whole screwed up life that I can control. I put away some money, money for...an escape. Enough money that could buy materials that would end my miserable life painlessly and quickly. I don't want to do it, but I'm just so done here. My whole life is screwed over without her and I just want it to stop. When she broke up with me my eyes hurt from the tears, my wrists from the bruises, my thighs from the slits. They all hurt, but now I don't feel anything anymore. I want to feel like I'm cared about again, I want to feel like I matter to somebody again. So, I've decided to ask out another girl. But the big ex's mom just died. She committed suicide...will moving on to another girl hurt her? With her mom dying and me moving on, will that be too much for her? I don't know anymore, I want to be happy, but I want her to be happy. Do I ask out this girl? Do I just try to stop being happy so that maybe she'll be just a little bit happier? My life's a wreck and I just don't know what to do anymore.

[Noirtier]

I know you still care about this girl, that you two just broke up not too long ago, and that it still hurts. But right now, you need to work on you. You need to do things, for your sake, for your happiness, not for hers. Yeah, you should make sure she knows that if she needs to talk, you're still there for her, but you also need to take yourself into consideration. First of all, to be in a relationship with someone for that long, and then to break up with them in a note, is a complete and total jerk move. She should have at least had the dignity to break up with you face to face. But, I'm going to leave that out of this for now because there's other things that need to be said. Look, bud, I know you were happy with her, I know it was a relationship of ten months and that you were close with her, but one relationship, isn't worth ending your life or going down the path you're going down. It's not worth dwelling on it for so long, that it hinders anything else you're able to do. That it drives you to the point that you're at. I know it hurts, trust me, I really do. But it's not worth it, it's not worth dwelling on it, not worth the pain, the suffering she has inflicted upon you, and that you have inflicted upon yourself. You know as well as anyone here that self harm soon becomes an addiction and can lead down a very dangerous road. I've been down that road, and you're heading down that road again. If you feel that you want to ask this other girl out, then do it. But don't do it just because you think it will make you happy. Because honestly, that's just using her. You need to be able to be happy outside of a relationship. Only ask her out if you really truly do like her and care about her. You need to try and find a way to be happy, to get out of this depression and have the ability to be happy without being in a relationship. To find out who you are, and to work on yourself. Honestly, I would advise you to stay single for a bit longer until you've worked on yourself for a while, but that's just me. And to answer your question, no, you shouldn't stop being happy just so that maybe she'll be happy. You can take or leave what I said, it's up to you. I hope that you're able to begin to feel better, to get better. And I want you to know that us here, we care about you, and we're here to help and support you in any way that we can if you ever need us.