Lostandhurt
January 8th, 2013, 07:50 PM
Hey guys, lemme tell ya a bit about myself first. I'm 15, gay, and completely hate everything about myself. I feel like it's starting to become a problem in my relationship of 2 months. My boyfriend tries his best to make me feel good about myself, but its almost impossible for me to believe it. My main problem that has been eating me from the inside out is that he smokes weed. Now, i dont have anything against it, but theres two things that bothers me about him doing it.
1. I'm worried hes gonna become addicted to it. He says he wont, but i even asked him if he could go two weeks without it and he said "As long as i cant get ahold of any". I'm also worried because i'm afraid he's going to end up trying harder drugs and wind up getting addicted. I feel like i wouldnt be able to handle the stress that would be brought on me if he did. I'm already having a tough time with the weed.
2. When he does it, I feel like such a loser, pathetic, not good enough. He kind of knows this, but i dont think he realizes how much i mean it. I feel that way because all of his friends do it and i just feel so left out when theyre talking about it. That's another thing, just him talking about it upsets me because it reminds me of my pathetic life. When he tells me hes going to do it, i end up over thinking everything and normally end up crying and/or cutting.
I actually came really close to trying weed for the first time just because i wanted to feel cool for once. But after talking to a friend, i gave up on that idea. My boyfriend knew i wanted to try it, and he even told me "I dont really like the idea of you trying it, but i dont want to ruin your fun". But today i told him i wasnt going to do it because he didnt want me to. Then he asked me if i wanted him to stop, and oh god how i would love for him to stop, but i told him to just not do it so often. The reason i dont want to tell him to stop is because all of his friends do it and i would hate to be the reason for him having to miss out on the fun. Ugh I hate how i think so friggen much.
So i just need some advice on what to do. This is going to be the death of me if i cant get rid of this feeling of worry and not being good enough :/
1. I'm worried hes gonna become addicted to it. He says he wont, but i even asked him if he could go two weeks without it and he said "As long as i cant get ahold of any". I'm also worried because i'm afraid he's going to end up trying harder drugs and wind up getting addicted. I feel like i wouldnt be able to handle the stress that would be brought on me if he did. I'm already having a tough time with the weed.
2. When he does it, I feel like such a loser, pathetic, not good enough. He kind of knows this, but i dont think he realizes how much i mean it. I feel that way because all of his friends do it and i just feel so left out when theyre talking about it. That's another thing, just him talking about it upsets me because it reminds me of my pathetic life. When he tells me hes going to do it, i end up over thinking everything and normally end up crying and/or cutting.
I actually came really close to trying weed for the first time just because i wanted to feel cool for once. But after talking to a friend, i gave up on that idea. My boyfriend knew i wanted to try it, and he even told me "I dont really like the idea of you trying it, but i dont want to ruin your fun". But today i told him i wasnt going to do it because he didnt want me to. Then he asked me if i wanted him to stop, and oh god how i would love for him to stop, but i told him to just not do it so often. The reason i dont want to tell him to stop is because all of his friends do it and i would hate to be the reason for him having to miss out on the fun. Ugh I hate how i think so friggen much.
So i just need some advice on what to do. This is going to be the death of me if i cant get rid of this feeling of worry and not being good enough :/