advice/reasurance

[gingerchick]

i really like this guy, i don't think i would go as far to say 'love' but i do really like him and am really really attracted to him. we've kissed and made out but are not currently dating. i'm really worried that whatever it is going on between us will die out, especially of late. i want to be in his company 24/7 and i rarely go a day with out speaking to him but i'm trying to keep my distance a bit because i don't want to be constantly with him i'd probably get on his nerves! yet i don't want to be too quite in case he thinks i'm no longer interested. everything's probably fine and i'm just panicking. i just really want to know what to say to people when they ask 'so what's going on between you two?'.
basically my question is how do i go about asking him what is going on with us? and also i would like some reasurance that i shouldn't worry if we go a day without conversation. it's just i see him in the common room everyday and all i want to do is snuggle up in his arms and feel his warm breath on my neck. that sounds so soppy and i'm not a romantic person but for the first time i want to go to the effort of having a relationship with him but i'm so scared of screwing it up!!

[Noirtier]

we've kissed and made out but are not currently dating. i'm really worried that whatever it is going on between us will die out, especially of late.

Alright, that's the first thing I'd like to address here. I know you said you really like him and he's wonderful and all, but I want to make sure he's not just, well, using you. Because there are douchebags out there who do that kind of shit, and the fact that he kissed you and made out with you, and that you two still aren't dating, makes him kind of sound like a bit of a player. And I'm just being honest here. I think that you do need--and deserve--to know what is going on between the two of you, and the fact that you don't know makes it even worse. I would, the next time the two of you get a moment together, ask him what really is going on between you two, and what to say when people ask that. If he blows it off and acts like it's nothing, honestly, I wouldn't spend a whole lot more time on him. If he is really interested in you though, let him know that you're interested too--and trust me, I think he knows that you are. It appears to me that you've got yourself a bit of an infatuation, but he may not feel the same way, and may be using you for his own gain. Finally, let me say, that whether he is or not, whether you guys date or not, just because you don't talk one day doesn't mean you should freak out or that the other person lost interest or anything--it just means that they're probably busy, and you'll be able to talk to them later. Put your mind at ease as far as that goes, but I strongly advise you to talk to him about this, and to consider whether what he wants and what you want are really the same thing.

[FreeFall]

Normally I'd say whatever place you're at that makes you comfortable and works is fine, but you're panicking over it and assuming things on his behalf.

You need to know exactly where you stand, like Noirter has said. It's possible he's in the same state as you but as they say, "why pay the farmer when you get the apples for free?" If he's using you, it's a lost cause.

So to speak to him about it, just start of gently. Don't go head first into your worries and such or he'll be knocked off guard and possibly play victim, be too confused to understand, or get defensive. Sit him down and start with that age old "I've been thinking" and gently lay your feelings out on the table.
It's not fair of you to assume things on his behalf. How do you know he will get annoyed? How do you know he'll think you're being distant? You haven't given him the chance nor spoken to him about it.
The day without speaking, he may be busy or he may think you're busy and it's a monkey staring in the mirror type of deal.

So just lay your feelings out gently and in a way he can understand you.
The only way you could screw things up is if you don't try to get him to see your feelings. And if he blows up in an angry manner, those are his true colors hun, and if he shows you them, you get out of there as fast as you can and away from him. Anyone that dismisses another person's feelings as silly or a personal attack, especially someone they care for, are trouble.