Well. Here I am again.

[Noxail]

Boy oh boy. So, here lately one of my closest friends has began a 'diet' and honestly, I wouldn't normally condone something like this. An 800 calorie limit with an assload of exercise and a little bit of sleep. This was her own choice, and after watching me struggle with both Anorexia and Bulimia, she thought she could diet as hard as I did at the beginning without developing an eating disorder. I know perfectly well that she can't. But she won't listen. Now, watching her become thinner and thinner, is really effecting me as a person, and as someone with a past eating disorder. I'm falling back into my old habits, little sleep, little to no healthy food, diet drinks, cutting my food into tiny pieces to avoid eating most of it. But I can not go back to the place I was. I fought my way though all of this bullshit and it is killing me to go back. As a sixteen year old, at 5'5 and weighing 156.8lbs, I think I'm doing pretty good. I may even be over-weight. And for the person I was, this is impossible. I am happy with my weight. But watching her get skinnier and more attractive, I'm finding problems with my own body, and I can't take it. I am terrified that I'll go back to being what I was, and besides being a rant, I guess this is a cry for support. I can't do this alone. ~holli

[Noirtier]

If you want support, then you have it hun. I know it must be hell to watch her do that to herself, and I know it must be triggering as hell too. It's incredible how far you've come, how much you've recovered, and you're in a place that a lot of people envy--because you said that you are happy with your weight. That shows just how much you've recovered, and I'm proud of you, I really am. As much as you need to be there for your friend, you also need to make sure you take care of your own safety and wellbeing. Do your best to keep your sleep habits the same as they were once you recovered, to eat the types of meals you did after you recovered, and if need be try to distract your mind when you're eating. Play a little game in it or something, to keep your thoughts off your old perception of food. As far as the diet drinks go, I'm not going to tell you one way or the other, they're just as bad for you as regular drinks, just in different ways. You do need to be there for your friend, but if it affects your wellbeing, then you may need to back off a bit and take care of yourself too. As your friend gets worse and worse, if you feel it's needed, do not hesitate to tell a counselor or her parents or someone who is a trusted adult, for her own safety, for her own wellbeing. I'm really amazed and proud of how far you've come, and we're all here to help and support you hun. If you ever need to talk, I'm always willing to help :hug3: