Doctor (that knows..) appt this week, they're going to see new cuts.. I'm worried!

[KenobiGirl93]

I'm in college, and our nurse has treated me before for cuts and she got me on anti-depressants last year. Since the past year or so I've been so great, so happy with my boyfriend, and as of yesterday I was 232 days cut-free.
I really had no reason at all to slice my skin about 8 times today. Like, nothing is wrong. I just missed it a lot and had been thinking about cutting a lot recently. I (sickly) hoped I might get addicted again. After today, though, I felt absolutely nothing and I really can't imagine doing it again.
My boyfriend was so supportive of me quitting last year. he's been there, has his own scars, but he is doing great now!
So I made this mistake today and I already feel like a let a ton of people down.. I don't know how or when I'll tell him about what I did today.
Also, I have a physical in 2 days and the nurse is going to pull up my shirt and see the fresh cuts on my side. She knows all about my struggle.. I'm worried that she and my boyfriend might freak out and put me back in counseling or meds, when I know in my heart that I am fine and will legit never do it again.

I will tell my boyfriend when we go back to college after break, but I'm still scared that he will overreact..because he really cares about me.

ugggghhhhhhhhh
I made a big mistake. :/

[happinessisoverrated]

I know how you feel, I recently started cutting again because I missed it too. I know how hard it is to come clean to people that love you, but you have to do it. It will be hard, but worth it. Explain to your doctor and your boyfriend that it was just an impulse, and that you deeply regret it and have no intention of doing it again.
Best of luck! xx

[MrVanity]

If you explain that is was just a relapse the nurse should be ok about it and if your boyfriend has his own scars she should know how easy a relapse is.

You might be referred back to a councilor but if this is an isolated insadint you shouldn't be put back on meds.

Mind explaining why you don't want to go back to the counciler.

Also sounds like your paincing right now try to calm down. Try looking up time wasters online they sound stupid but trust me they work.

[Desuetude]

It's good you recognise it was a mistake and I'm really glad to hear that you can't imagine going back to it. It's not something that's easy to completely rid your life of, it becomes an addiction. To know that you're not reliant on it anymore must be such a relief, you should be so proud of yourself.

Really you're just going to have to hope they don't overreact and hear you out instead of assuming you're back to that place again. It's great that you and your boyfriend were able to be there for each other. It's so much easier when you have someone that understands supporting you and giving you encouragement, fighting your personal battles together. I think you should just sit him down and explain to him that, as said above, it was an impulse and you have no intention of starting up again. You're completely over it and reassure him that you're not even thinking about wanting to make it a habit again. I'm sure he'll understand that even after so long of being clean you still have thoughts about it, he has to be able to relate to that and I'm sure he'll appreciate you telling him instead of him finding out on a whim.

When you have your physical could you talk to the nurse beforehand and explain to her that it was just a one off urge and that you have a couple of cuts on your side, so she won't be surprised to see them there. Explain that you don't want to see a counsellor nor do you want to be put back on medication and as reassurance just say that you'll talk to her should you ever feel the need to cut again.

I hope things go well, I hope you keep us up to date as to how things are going. You've done amazingly well to beast this.