Lexitje
January 7th, 2013, 02:52 PM
Okay so hye there
I'm don't talk a lot but I just wanna tell you my story and hope someone can just give me some hints or help. I'm not an easy person to talk about problems with because I can't bring it up without starting to cry and dissociating.
So here's pretty much what's been going on for a long time.
It started as a child, I was abused by my dad, which made me scared of the outside world, even elementary was a big struggle, because I was silent and just took things in, I was the perfect kid to bully, but the worst started when a teacher started bullying me, now please don't go, you probably saw it wrong i didn't. I was nine and she told my friends at school (which were 2 girls) they couldn't talk to me again or she would start treating them the way she treated me. She got me down all the time, told me I was stupid and never gonna make it.
I'm now in the lowest form of school here, even though I'm highly gifted, just because that teacher made me believe I was to stupid for anything.
I slipped in to a depression pretty much then, I was 10 when I started middle school (o yeah I was 2 years ahead on the other childeren) and I was younger and scared and very very lonely, so I attempted suicide by walking in front of a car.
I didn't die, fortunately because after I woke up from a 6 month coma I realized that was not what I wanted. I just didn't want to be like this anymore. I went back to school and everything just started over again, I changed schools 8 times now, always the same outcome. Me as the bullied one.
The first 4years of my depression were bearable, but then I stopped talking, and became very isolated. I've been talking again for 2 months and I honestly feel like shutting up again, locking myself back in my room and just let it all pass by.
And I just don't know what to do anymore, because I'm 16 years old and I really want to just go out there and live my life but I can't and I did that to myself but now I feel like I can't fix it anymore. I feel like I'll never get back all those things I threw away
So Idk I guess i'm just looking for some support, someone who understands what i'm going through idk
I'm don't talk a lot but I just wanna tell you my story and hope someone can just give me some hints or help. I'm not an easy person to talk about problems with because I can't bring it up without starting to cry and dissociating.
So here's pretty much what's been going on for a long time.
It started as a child, I was abused by my dad, which made me scared of the outside world, even elementary was a big struggle, because I was silent and just took things in, I was the perfect kid to bully, but the worst started when a teacher started bullying me, now please don't go, you probably saw it wrong i didn't. I was nine and she told my friends at school (which were 2 girls) they couldn't talk to me again or she would start treating them the way she treated me. She got me down all the time, told me I was stupid and never gonna make it.
I'm now in the lowest form of school here, even though I'm highly gifted, just because that teacher made me believe I was to stupid for anything.
I slipped in to a depression pretty much then, I was 10 when I started middle school (o yeah I was 2 years ahead on the other childeren) and I was younger and scared and very very lonely, so I attempted suicide by walking in front of a car.
I didn't die, fortunately because after I woke up from a 6 month coma I realized that was not what I wanted. I just didn't want to be like this anymore. I went back to school and everything just started over again, I changed schools 8 times now, always the same outcome. Me as the bullied one.
The first 4years of my depression were bearable, but then I stopped talking, and became very isolated. I've been talking again for 2 months and I honestly feel like shutting up again, locking myself back in my room and just let it all pass by.
And I just don't know what to do anymore, because I'm 16 years old and I really want to just go out there and live my life but I can't and I did that to myself but now I feel like I can't fix it anymore. I feel like I'll never get back all those things I threw away
So Idk I guess i'm just looking for some support, someone who understands what i'm going through idk