All my fault

[Fiction]

So as you may have read my earlier post, i've pretty much relapsed into my ED. My boyfriend also decided he wanted to lose weight. He's not big, his BMI is the high end of healthy weight, so I said it was fine if he did.

The thing is I don't even know why I did it, but in my Anorexic mindset I told him how I lose weight, thinking if he was doing it too he wouldn't try to stop me, and that'd be my main obstacle out the way. But now he's getting obsessive. Really obsessive and it's all my fault. I really have no idea what to do. I'm not usually on this side of an Eating Disorder and anything I say will be so hypocritical.

I'm not prepared to eat, but I know I can't really stop him unless I do. I feel like this is all my fault.

[Love.Hate]

It isn't your fault Kathy, you didn't mean any harm when explaining how you did it. You didn't have the intention of making him obsessive about it. Sadly this is going to sound hard, but you have to eat to show him a good example, explain the other side of how emotionally draining all these obsessive behaviours are, how it controls your life etc.. try to put him off this 'losing weight is good' mind-set. Make him eat when he is with you, so at least he is getting some nutrients and not completely shutting his body down. Right now he will just be craving to lose the weight, you know how it is, he wont have any negative effects until its too late to stop it, so he has to be aware now. I guess almost try to scare him back into thinking more logically again. I guess he see's you do it and it makes him realise its possible to lose exactly what he likes.

you can get through this together sweetie

:hug:

[lightPainting]

ok, um........You need to sit down with your BF and ask your selves thees questions.
1. why do you want to loss weight
2. what goal do you want to reach
make sure you do search on what the best way is.

The less you eat doesn't mean the more fat you'll loss. when ever you stop eating for a serten amount of time, the body will hold on to the fat and start burning muscle.

Please don't double post, use the edit button instead. ~Derri

[AuthorX303720]

Listen, I am sure he looks handsome :) Tell him that when he is holding you. I am sorta hypocrtical myself. I think I am a healthly weight because I am 5'7" and I am 150 lbs. ( I AM NOT FAT! I HAVE A SIX PACK.... OF PUDDING CUPS! :P) But I would like you to go to him and say that your sorry to him. Just tell him that you both will be healthly together not through an ED but through healthy eating, and exercise. It is fine to eat not-so-healthy things like ice cream once and while but make sure that healthly-food-choices outweight you not-so-healthy eating patterns. If you need help come to me and we can talk it out together. You and your boyfriend are not alone. Billions of people have EDs. Hope you follow my advice -Sid

[Amaryllis]

Hey Kathy, it's been ages. I'm not sure what to say, honestly, but I'll try because you shouldn't be feeling this way. Society these days is getting obsessive about health and food and dieting, even the ones without EDs. My psychologist told me once, when I told her I was worried my mum was developing an ED because of me (more like I was freaking the hell out about it and blaming myself), that the average person - not one with an ED - can't possibly starve themselves. Just can't.

They diet, and either gain the weight back on (this is the case most of the time) or manage to maintain it with a lot of struggle. The average person can't do what we do. We're not biologically built to be able to do that, but because we have eating disorders (and usually it's because we were genetically more likely to have an eating disorder, anyway) we fight against human nature.

If you think your boyfriend's likely to develop an eating disorder, know that he was likely to develop one, anyway, eventually. I know, that's a horrible notion, but it's true. If you have anything to worry about, he was going to figure out how and obsess, anyway. What really started my EDs going was health websites and a dreadful calorie counter. I can tell you with a certainty that eventually along my life - earlier or later or then - I was going to develop an ED, anyway. You didn't force the obsession upon him, and it might just be your average person obsessing.

If it's any comfort, I'm fully recovered now. I no longer starve, obsess over "healthy foods," exercising like a painless nut and binge. In fact, I hardly even think of my eating disorders, except the occasional ugh or when someone goes on and on about diets and health. It's liberating, Kathy. I promise you, it is. I'm heavier than I ever was and I can honestly say I don't give a fuck. I've never been happier in my body or with my life, not when I was thin before my EDs, not when I became deadly, sunken-butt thin when I had my EDs.

Your value doesn't lie in how much weight you lose or how thin you are. I can promise you people prefer a confident, living high-end-of-normal-or-over than a skinny black hole that sucks everything in. It's tried and proven. I used to think I had to wait for when I was recovered to begin my life, but I've realised you recover by living.

And you lead by example. Show your boyfriend that weight and appearances don't matter. But I know that might be dumb advice, because it's hard as hell to recover from your EDs. It truly is and I can only feel a fraction of a distant memory of what you're going through. But remind him of how much you love him the way he is and remember the way you feel now. How you feel seeing him obsess over weight loss, and think of how you're doing it to yourself.

You're stuck with yourself forever, Kathy, and you live once and once is all you get. Do you really want to spend your life battling with yourself? The world is full of cruelty, do you need to be cruel to yourself. I know, it's not as easy as saying "I want to recover!" but reminding yourself of all you have to gain from not caring about how thin or fat you are is several steps ahead of hanging on to your eating disorders.

If you need -anything- else or advice, anything, ask me and I'll do my best to help you with the time I have left before I need to leave VT again.

Take care, Kathy. Remember to help yourself and think of yourself before you do anyone else. You're the most important person in your world.