Sudds3
January 6th, 2013, 02:57 AM
Well to start off im bullied mildly everyday at school by like 3 guys who try and talk "black" but really couldnt be whiter, sorry if that offended anyone but thats the best way i can put it...they say the usual stuff like faggot, freak, ugly....nothing Emmy worthy haha, but having people call you that everyday when you already have terrible self esteem and low self worth, it really starts to break you down.
So then today my good friend Emma invited me to a lame party that was incredibly awkward in hopes that if i came i could make it less awkward. So i went with two other guys and it helped bmake the party not completely shitty, yet it was still very shitty. Towards the end of the party, we are all sitting there with like 45 minutes till i left and all of the sudden this girl sitting next to me turns to me and says "who the hell are you and why are you in this house you ugly freak?! Seriously, get the hell out! No one wants you here!" I was in complete and udder shock....i froze and i dont really remember what happened after that but i dont think anyone stood up for me. So i just played it off like my mind was playing tricks on me when all of the sudden the girl sayd again "like seriously, i dont even know who the fuck you are! You are really creepy and ugly so go away!" And a few people heard and someone said "olivia!" Like she couldnt believe the girl said that.
So i just sat there and acted like i didnt hear it and played on my phone and then made a fake excuse to move next to my friend. Then the dog came downstairs and I just breifly comented on how calm the dog was and that my dogs are kinda crazy! Haha...and the same girl just comes out and says "yeah i bet your dogs are crazy you druggy stoner, you probably give your dogs drugs and overdose them, then get enjoyment out of them dying! Haha freak" so by then i was pretty much done with it.
So later she says that out of everyone from my old school she would kiss this one guy, then looks at me and tells me "i wouldnt kiss you because youre and ugly fucking freak" and by then it was almost i possible to hold back the tears and flooding thoughts of suicide. She thought she was hilarious making fun of the quiet guy that not very many people knew at the party. She doesnt realize the damage that she was doing. The thought of our future makes me shudder and it makes suicide look so much better. Then i wouldnt have to deal with asshole bullies anymore. I really couldnt think of a better time to do it than now. Sorry for the long post and thank you to those who read it all. If anyone read it all :/
Not to mention how dysfunctional my family is, my loss in interest in school work and how my grades have lowered, how i have exams next week, how one of my friends hates me, and finally how i have to slap on a happy face everyday all day so no one gets suspicious...it really starts to wear you down after a while, today i really could feel how hard it was and ive also been sleeping like 14 hours every night i can lately. So yeah...i had a post about being at rock bottom a while ago, this is much much worse.
So then today my good friend Emma invited me to a lame party that was incredibly awkward in hopes that if i came i could make it less awkward. So i went with two other guys and it helped bmake the party not completely shitty, yet it was still very shitty. Towards the end of the party, we are all sitting there with like 45 minutes till i left and all of the sudden this girl sitting next to me turns to me and says "who the hell are you and why are you in this house you ugly freak?! Seriously, get the hell out! No one wants you here!" I was in complete and udder shock....i froze and i dont really remember what happened after that but i dont think anyone stood up for me. So i just played it off like my mind was playing tricks on me when all of the sudden the girl sayd again "like seriously, i dont even know who the fuck you are! You are really creepy and ugly so go away!" And a few people heard and someone said "olivia!" Like she couldnt believe the girl said that.
So i just sat there and acted like i didnt hear it and played on my phone and then made a fake excuse to move next to my friend. Then the dog came downstairs and I just breifly comented on how calm the dog was and that my dogs are kinda crazy! Haha...and the same girl just comes out and says "yeah i bet your dogs are crazy you druggy stoner, you probably give your dogs drugs and overdose them, then get enjoyment out of them dying! Haha freak" so by then i was pretty much done with it.
So later she says that out of everyone from my old school she would kiss this one guy, then looks at me and tells me "i wouldnt kiss you because youre and ugly fucking freak" and by then it was almost i possible to hold back the tears and flooding thoughts of suicide. She thought she was hilarious making fun of the quiet guy that not very many people knew at the party. She doesnt realize the damage that she was doing. The thought of our future makes me shudder and it makes suicide look so much better. Then i wouldnt have to deal with asshole bullies anymore. I really couldnt think of a better time to do it than now. Sorry for the long post and thank you to those who read it all. If anyone read it all :/
Not to mention how dysfunctional my family is, my loss in interest in school work and how my grades have lowered, how i have exams next week, how one of my friends hates me, and finally how i have to slap on a happy face everyday all day so no one gets suspicious...it really starts to wear you down after a while, today i really could feel how hard it was and ive also been sleeping like 14 hours every night i can lately. So yeah...i had a post about being at rock bottom a while ago, this is much much worse.