Getting over heartbreak?

[spacefunk]

I recently ended a relationship of two years. I have been with the same boy since my freshman year, and I am now a junior. Everything was perfect until I left the country for two weeks, and everything changed when he started smoking pot. He had completely changed and was no longer "trying" in our relationship!

He ended the relationship in August and I grieved for four months. I had to go to professional counseling for depression. In December, we got back together for a month.

On New Year's Day, I had a panic attack (its pretty regular) and I asked for his help. His response was that


he had obligations
we weren't 15 anymore and he couldn't just "drop everything" to be there for me


Hurt, I stopped talking to him and instead resorted to self-harm, which was something I had kicked for a few months but I was in-the-moment and wasn't thinking.

The next afternoon, I went to his house and broke it off. And he said to me:


"Okay."
"I love you baby, but we don't want the same things anymore."
"I'm not leaving you, but we can't date anymore."


He used me for sex even when he was done trying in the relationship. I don't know if he wants to still be "just friends", but I know that I could not go through with that without bitterness and pain on my part. I've known this boy since the seventh grade, and have liked him since the first day, but he's definitely changed to someone who doesn't care for me anymore.

He is going to college at the end of the semester, and he's completely different since he started smoking.

I know that cutting off all contact would be the best decision for me to make right now, but its so hard because I've literally talked to him nearly every day for the past four days and I can't grasp the thought that he won't speak to me at all. I think he reasons that he is "giving space", but I'm not someone who needs space, you know?

What should I do? How do I get over heartbreak? Should I give up on trying to salvage the relationship? How can I refrain from speaking to him? How can I distract myself and be happy? How should I act around him when he tries to make contact, or even when I see him at school? Please help!!

[Noirtier]

What should I do? How do I get over heartbreak? Should I give up on trying to salvage the relationship? How can I refrain from speaking to him? How can I distract myself and be happy? How should I act around him when he tries to make contact, or even when I see him at school? Please help!!

You said he used you for sex, and yet you're still trying to salvage the relationship? Hun, he isn't doing you any favors, and you're not doing yourself any favors by trying to salvage the relationship. If he used you, then that is not someone who respects you, it's not someone who cares about you, and it's not someone who is worth your time. As hard as it may be, delete his number, and cut off contact with him. Because even as a friend he's not helping you, and you don't need someone like that in your life. It's not easy to get over heartbreak, I'm not going to lie to you. But the first step would be to get him out of your life. Tell yourself, accept that you guys aren't getting back together, that it's better if you don't get back together, and that you need him out of your life. If you need to cry, then cry. Focus on the other friendships you have right now, on strengthening and building them. Talk to your friends if you need to. Like you said, distract your mind from the pain--and from the urge to self harm. Read a book, watch tv or a movie, listen to music. Get your emotions out in a healthy way by talking to a friend, or a counselor, by writing, or drawing/doing some other form of art. And when/if he tries to make contact with you, ignore him. Don't let him back in your life, because he wasn't good for you, and the relationship wasn't good for you hun. We're all here to help and support you if you need us, and if you ever need to talk we're all here for you. Good luck hun, I know it's hard, but I know you can get through this :hug3:

[spacefunk]

I suppose my problem is that I can't stay mad at him. I know he used me and I know that he doesn't deserve to be in my life anymore, but my mind always remembers the 15 year old boy I fell in love with in the first place. To be honest, he was much more mature at 15 than he is now at 17. It is that boy that I keep hoping to find when I text him, call him, or cry about him.