Sexual performance with a girl when I'm not sexually attracted

[Cicero]

So every now and again I test myself to see if I can get aroused watching straight porn, I do. But the last time I watched it was like 2-3 months ago. I always test myself with it every once in a while, just to make sure.


I was thinking of my future, and how I would handle having to have sex with a woman. And I get scared. I get scared because I wanna make sure I could perform sexually. I think of taking a medicine like Viagara to help me, for when that time comes.


I also think of how I currently respond sexually. So, when I just look at a guy or girl at school or what not. I don't get sexually aroused. I get mentally aroused, but not exactly sexually (like where my dick is aroused). But then I think of porn, gay porn I am fully aroused. Straight porn, not as much. Like, it takes a little extra time to get aroused to it.

I worry about when that day comes. As of right now, doing stuff like BJs and HJs sound appealing (doing those activities with a guy). Anal sex I really don't know about. I mean, as of this very exact moment, when I think of anal sex, I think "Ehh", but when I'm horny, I think "Why not". That's how I feel about it this very, exact moment. But it could change. I'm not horny right now though.


Emotionally, I like girls. But there have been guys that I think I have a crush on. But idk. I've never met this one guy, but it's a guy who I've experimented with. But I've only experimented with him once, other times we just traded pics. We talk about everything, we help each other out if we have problems or situations. I know I'm definitely sexually/physically attracted to him. But I really don't know if I'm emotionally attracted to him. I enjoy talking to him, but when I think of stuff like I would do with a girl. I'm unsure, would I kiss him? I'm not sure, if I were horny, I'd say yes, but right now I'd say idk (I'm not horny), would I cuddle with him? Maybe, I think I would be more convinced to cuddle with him, even when I'm not horny. Would I hold hands with him? I don't think so.


I was reading two different articles about sexuality. (Study 1) One article said, that if you believe you are a certain sexuality, then you are that sexuality. So if I believe I'm gay, I'm gay. If I believe I'm straight, I'm straight.


The other article said, (Study 2) that sexuality is based off of who you would live with and grow old with. If you could imagine growing old with a guy, then you're gay. If you imagine growing old with a woman, then you're straight. According to that, I'm straight because I only imagine growing old with a woman. To be honest, I cannot imagine dating a guy past his late 20s. In all honesty, looks would be very important for me. So when's that guy began looking old, I wouldn't be attracted to him at all. Whereas with a woman, I would still stay with her. But looks are still very important. Like, I'd want a hot wife. But I wouldn't mind if my wife aged. I would still (hopefully) think she's beautiful and attractive.


So what does this mean for me? Are these signs of being bi or gay? What does this sound like? Which study is accurate?


I already know I'm a heteroromantic, but idk if I'd be a heteroromantic homosexual/bisexual. Also, when that time comes for when I would have to perform sexually with a girl, could I just have a Viagara prescribed to me? Would they test me for things like what I'm aroused to?

[TigerBoy]

If you aren't physically attracted enough to girls that you need to take viagra to have sex with them, I don't think you are bisexual. I have zero hetero feelings, but even I could physically have sex with a girl if I was on viagra, but I wouldn't want to.

You haven't given references to those studies so its a bit difficult to comment on them. Those conclusions sound dubious to me. In as much as labelling yourself, I agree with "study 1", especially in the case of someone who is ambivalently bisexual where you can essentially repress the same-sex side. It is not scientifically correct however to imply that sexuality itself is a choice.

I also think this whole business about 'imagining your relationships in the future' is bogus. If you are young and attracted to people around your own age, of course you aren't going to be attracted to older people at the moment. Just because society and religion has traditionally made people think of relationships in a very rigidly defined way makes it easy to mentally accommodate visions of a future that fits that mould.

My take on this is that you are at the gay end of bi, and understandably (given your Catholic religion) you have been resisting your nature. I think that you simply haven't met the right guy, or learned to trust that a guy can return your romantic feelings.

Comparing what you've said to my own sexuality, I would say you aren't very different: I couldn't have sex with a girl without viagra, I would not be in a relationship unless my bf was as romantic as me, and it seems odd right now thinking about how I'll feel about his looks when he's older.

Hope that helps.

[Gandalf]

I genuinley think you're over complicating things, I think it would be easier if you look to yourself and just tried to understand what you like and dislike rather than looking for complex labels.

Studies only discuss sexuality and everybody is different so they aren't reliable at all for determining your own sexuality.

When it comes to viagra, I think this is a rather pointless thought, you won't be prescribed it unless there is a medical issue most probably.

Again, just enjoy what seems "right" and as it comes. I don't know what to say to that besides not rushing to label yourself, I did last year and the fact I still had confusion meant I had to convice myself even harder. I just accepted "I like what I like" and relaxed. It's hard but if you try not to let it worry you eventually it will just become obvious to yourself.

Hope I helped :)

[Cicero]

If you aren't physically attracted enough to girls that you need to take viagra to have sex with them, I don't think you are bisexual. I have zero hetero feelings, but even I could physically have sex with a girl if I was on viagra, but I wouldn't want to.

You haven't given references to those studies so its a bit difficult to comment on them. Those conclusions sound dubious to me. In as much as labelling yourself, I agree with "study 1", especially in the case of someone who is ambivalently bisexual where you can essentially repress the same-sex side. It is not scientifically correct however to imply that sexuality itself is a choice.

I also think this whole business about 'imagining your relationships in the future' is bogus. If you are young and attracted to people around your own age, of course you aren't going to be attracted to older people at the moment. Just because society and religion has traditionally made people think of relationships in a very rigidly defined way makes it easy to mentally accommodate visions of a future that fits that mould.

My take on this is that you are at the gay end of bi, and understandably (given your Catholic religion) you have been resisting your nature. I think that you simply haven't met the right guy, or learned to trust that a guy can return your romantic feelings.

Comparing what you've said to my own sexuality, I would say you aren't very different: I couldn't have sex with a girl without viagra, I would not be in a relationship unless my bf was as romantic as me, and it seems odd right now thinking about how I'll feel about his looks when he's older.

Hope that helps.

I do feel an attraction to women, but not sexual. Whenever I watch straight porn, I mostly feel bad for the woman. Just cause it seems like the guy is hurting her.

[TigerBoy]

I do feel an attraction to women, but not sexual. Whenever I watch straight porn, I mostly feel bad for the woman. Just cause it seems like the guy is hurting her.

If by attraction you mean you empathise and want to spend time with them as close friends its totally cool to love females in that sense, whatever your sexuality. Obviously a lot of gay guys have fag hags for that reason, because they relate and empathise with girls. Or it could simply be you are watching bad porn and you are compassionate. If the guy was getting hurt you might feel the same, I'd guess.

[Cicero]

If by attraction you mean you empathise and want to spend time with them as close friends its totally cool to love females in that sense, whatever your sexuality. Obviously a lot of gay guys have fag hags for that reason, because they relate and empathise with girls. Or it could simply be you are watching bad porn and you are compassionate. If the guy was getting hurt you might feel the same, I'd guess.

No I mean i feel attracted to girls physically. I like everything a straight guy likes (boobs, butt, etc) but I'm just not sexually attracted. If I see a beautiful woman, I don't walk around aroused. I just might stare or get nervous around her.

[TigerBoy]

No I mean i feel attracted to girls physically. I like everything a straight guy likes (boobs, butt, etc) but I'm just not sexually attracted. If I see a beautiful woman, I don't walk around aroused. I just might stare or get nervous around her.

I think that is aesthetic appreciation as opposed to erotic appreciation. I can see a cute girl is cute, or a young boy is pretty, without sexual attraction. Beauty is beautiful, essentially :P

[Dimentio]

Personally i think you are gay but nothing wrong with that what so ever i love being gay! Life is a lot easier in many aspects but i hope you do fine out soon and it is easy for you :)

[Rayquaza]

Here's an idea:

Why don't you stop watching porn?

The reason I mention this is because porn distorts your ideas and perceptions of real life intimate sexual intercourse. Pornography makes girls look like sex lovers and slaves and make men look like rough people incapable of love. It sounds to me like you have a sexual attraction to men. I know it's not what you want to hear, but from your past threads and this one, it seems like it is. I don't really believe in the x-romatic x-sexual (where x is a word regarding sexuality) stuff. If someone comes to you and hits on you are ask you, you're not going to say that you're a heteroromantic asexual. Humans are not asexual, they reproduce with the opposite gender. I see a lot of denial here, but it's come to my attention that you're ignoring parts or all of responses you don't want to hear.

You can't "test" your sexuality, and what you're doing now is going to lead you to later confusion in the future. Come off the porn and meet people, use your heart to find your true preference.

[Eth_94123]

Damn that took me a while to read ahaaa! :)