he left me and i need to vent........

[AkuRokuStalker]

Things have been happening with him and his family. Awful things..... he told me he was not ready for a relationship so I asked him if he wanted to break up he said no. Today I asked him if he needed space he said idk then told me he wanted to break up. He told me the reason was because he was hurting me with his depression and he could not bare the sadness he was putting me through. I argued and he said he hated himself i said he should. He said he felt like an asshole i said he should. He asked me if i forgive him I told him I loved him and hung up. I cried for three hours straight. I cut 32 times the most in since may. I said mean things and now I have cried all I can and now I am just angry I don't hate him though...........

Let me back up.... this guy is the most amazing, perfect, wonderful, best guy you could ever date. He was not one of these guys who had some boosted up self esteem and would never pressure you into things. Many a times when we would talk dirty he would ask me if i really wanna do it cause if not he would not pressure me into it. He as a gentleman when need be and perverted when I wanted him to be. He was not one of these guys who get angry instead of feeling bad. He actually cared about your feelings. He was just..................................amazing.

He said he might come back to me one day.... I told him I would wait and he said there are better guys out there than him that I should not wait for an asshole like him...... He tried to get me not to cut to promise him I would not, but I refused I kinda want him to hurt in some twisted sick way. He said he would if i did, but I knew he would not. and frankly I do not care right now. I told him if he did I would cut even deeper.

He said he wanted to be friends I told him i could not bare to look at him without crying right now. I will probably hang out in the teacher room at lunch if I can. Anything not to look at him, or talk to him, or think about him. I am leaving my group right now (not like I liked them to start with but they are my only friends) just to avoid him. I am probably going to hang out with this super religious guy who has been there for me. I barely know him, but I treat him like an older brother.

I do not know how long I should wait. I am gonna give it two months but I will never stop wearing the necklace he gave me, or a ring on my finger. I will text him I love you at least once a week, just so he will know it.............



I will love you Boo forever and always...........

[FreeFall]

I saw that you're cutting as a way to hurt in some twisted sick way and you're going to wait two months.

Give it more time. A LOT more time.

[workingatperfect]

I'm sorry, but this sounds like such an unhealthy relationship. First of all, you got mad at him for protecting you.. Just think about that for a second. He didn't want to be a burden and make you carry his problems along with his own, and you made him feel guilty about that. Then there's the cutting thing that FreeFall mentioned. You want to hurt yourself so that he'll be in more pain than he already is? And for what? Because he didn't want to hurt you. I agree that you guys need more time than that. You both have things that you individually need to work on it sounds like. Sorry if any of that sounds a bit harsh, just an outsider opinion. I don't know you, so this could be a one time problem. But I think taking this break could be good for you.

[unnamed94]

you should both have some time apart to solve your own issues. you can both go and look for help and advice on other people. btw you should really stop with the cutting. not only does it hurt you but it also hurts him and it seems you are just doing it to see him get hurt and feel guilty or something, even after he was trying to protect you from his problems and stuff (like melissa said). you should stop texting him and thinking about him because that could affect you, and it could also makes him feel bad. sorry if this may seem to blunt or anything, just trying to help.

[ackmedsgirl666]

it sounds to me like an unhealthy relationship and you and him both need some time apart to think things through... if anything taking a break might make you guys come back stronger.. thats what me and my boyfriend did we broke up and came back stronger than we ever were before... just listen to us. its probably the best choice for you right now

[AkuRokuStalker]

I know what you all are saying is true and I deeply regret the things I said to him and I will probably lie to him about the cutting..... I just wish I could take it back..... I said those things out of anger. I am just a selfish brat and I know it. That is why I cut. I tried my best to stop just for him, I could not bare the pain in his eyes when I would tell him. Our relationship was not unhealthy though. It was so happy and perfect until things started going down the drain in his family life. We did not fight. EVER. Sure we cried over a few things together but we never fought.Not even over this. We just cried together. I hate fighting and so does he. I just feel awful and I apologized to him for the things I said.

I had stopped cutting for months actually and just before we started I would start doing a scratch here and there maybe once every other week or so. Now I am up to 60 now in two days..... the pain just will not leave.

Other than the occasional text I will not probably even look at him for a long time.

[FreeFall]

It is and Unhealthy relationship, for you yes, but also for him.
You just can't see it because you yourself, are at and in an unhealthy state.

You can't take back what you said, so learn from it. What's bugging me, you say and acknowledge that you are a selfish person.
Why hasn't this changed? Why aren't you focusing on that? Working on that? Along with working on a whole bunch of things? Why can you see and acknowledge it but not enough that you won't use cutting as a "sick and twisted" way of hurting him?

[AkuRokuStalker]

I guess you are entitled to your opinion. Not trying to be rude or anything.

Edit: I did tell him I did not cut to protect him and I asked for his forgiveness for the way I acted. I did not ask if he forgave me. He wants to be friends and I said maybe one day but not now cause it would be to painful.

Sorry FreeFall I did not see the other half of your post. The reason I have not changed is because I am to much of a weak asshole. I have tried to change it though and I said that in the moment within minutes after he told me. It was a moment of weakness. I am not a mean person most people love me actually once they get to know me. (no matter how egotistical that sounds lol) most people consider me an optimistic person.

[unnamed94]

i have to agree with the other guys, it is an unhealthy relationship.
instead of thinking you are a 'selfish brat' or a 'weak asshole', put your mind and time on other stuff, hang with other people and try to change what you dont like about yourself. cutting wont fix anything, the only result of that is you getting hurt. have a break from your relationship and from him, specially if you think that even him being friends with you is painful. work on any individual problems you feel you have, get to know yourself better, and if some time later you both want it and think you are ready, then you could try to work on your relationship again.

[AkuRokuStalker]

ok thanks guys:)