Girlfriend is scared of getting too close before college?

[Guy075]

Both me and my girlfriend are seniors in high school and like most, thinking about college. We have been dating for just over a year now and love each other a lot. Because we really want to go to colleges in different states, she is afraid of getting intimate and getting too attached, knowing that if we do end up going to colleges in different states, we will most likely not be able to stay together or if we do, our relationship would be put under too much stress.

I am worried that as time goes on she will just push me further and further away; I'm already starting to see it. From my point of view, I would like to spend as much time as possible with her while we still have it. The best way I can describe the feeling is if you know that a family member with a terminal illness is going to die soon, you try to make the time you have left meaningful and not distance yourself from them.

This is my first serious relationship and maybe I don't have the experience to know my way of thinking is worse in the long run. I was wondering if any of you have had been in this type of situation before and can offer any advice on what to do or say?

Thanks in advance!

[Noirtier]

First off let me say that if your girlfriend has decided that she would rather not get intimate or too attached to you, then you need to respect her wishes. It appears to me that she has made up her mind, and honestly, she has every right to be thinking the way she is. A lot of couples, once college comes around, go their separate ways because the distance causes them to be unable to be together. And a lot of times, that can lead to a lot of pain and heartache for both parties. If she feels that it would be better for the two of you if you just cooled things down and began to break things off slowly now, then you need to respect that. Because honestly, it will be easier to end things the way she's going than to keep going strong, and to suddenly be forced to break them off and maybe never see each other again at the end of the schoolyear when you both go your separate ways. I know you want to keep dating as much as you can, because she's your first girlfriend, and you want to spend as much time as you can with her until you have to part ways, but think, the more time you spend together and the closer you two get, the harder it will be when the inevitable comes, and you have to leave each other for college--and from what you've said, it's clear that that day will come. This is just my advice from what I've seen from past experiences--both mine and others--but I would go the route your girlfriend is going, so that the pain will be less for both of you. I'm sorry, I know that probably wasn't what you wanted to hear, but it's what I think will be the best for both of you. If you ever feel you need to talk, we're all here to help and support you hun.