This Is For Me.

[someoneunknown]

Hey All. I'm Tyler. And I'm very confused. And I'm posting here, not as a dating advertisement or a sympathy post, but because I feel as if I need to talk about this with someone, and I don't feel comfortable talking to the people active in my life. And this post may become a little bit graphic, so you may want do discontinue reading now. But I beg of you just to hear me out and talk to me. I really need it.

I like girls. I know I do. There is no question. I want to fall in love with a woman, marry her, have kids with her, and grow old with her. I want a woman companion for my life.

However, I'm attracted to guys. Like, what!?! I don't know what I'm feeling. When I masturbate, I think of guys. I want to do stuff with a guy, everything! But I feel like if I did I would be disgusted with myself. I just cannot deny that I lust after males.

Note: I am not gay. I never will be. I could never marry a man, or cut women out of my life. But experimenting would be nice.

And I guess that's what college is for: experimenting.
But I am Effing SIXTEEN, almost 17, and I HAVEN'T EVEN HAD MY FIRST KISS. And maybe it's the fact that I've never known a woman's love that leads me to be so curious.

All of my friends growing up were girls, though. I always got friend zoned. And I didn't have a dad, really. So I'm feminine. So people all the time call me Gay. And the thought has ran through my head: "Wouldn't it just be easier to conform to what they want me to be?"

And I just... lfkjsdhlkjasdcvbhfkuhdasbfjkcsghdukajgfjhfsdhjksagfhj :mad: :confused: :eek:

But I think I'm cute. So why does no one else?
Like, I'm chubby. I know. But I try so hard to appeal to someone, ANYONE.
nothing. ever. works.
I'm a little taller than average: 5'10 or so.
I may be overweight, but I have a pretty cute face. (If I do say so myself) ;)
And my attitude and personality light up a room.

(Did I mention I force myself to be conceited to hide how self-conscious I am?)

As soon as I mention my weight, everyone flees. Both genders. And I'm not bad. At all.

And I really want a guy. Who will treat me like his best friend.
A guy. Taller than me. Masculine. Muscular.
and dear god does a tight jaw-line turn me on.
And I'm not ashamed to say this.
If a guy like this was interested in a guy like me, we would totes cuddle.
Maybe I can meet someone somewhere?

And I would be the cute little man, and they would be the big dominant man. and he would protect me from the world. in that moment, it'd be ok.
HOW. STINKIN'. CUTE.

BUT NO ONE WILL EVER BE SO I SHOULD JUST CURL UP AND DIE
but then I'm like: No, dude, you're only 16.
But. Still.

I'm confused. I needed to vent. I need to be talked to. So, help me.

[Dunce]

If you know you like girls then I would say you're just feeling a little curious. Some people also feel sexual attraction to a gender even though there's no romantic attraction(or the other way around), maybe that's you? Don't feel the need to conform to what your friends think, but maybe they're on to something? My "friends" used to think I was a lesbian and I got pissed off with them after a while because I had never liked a girl and always liked guys. I think I'm bi now, I don't really know but I have had strong feelings for girls in the past, so they were onto something haha.
If you feel comfortable experimenting, even just romantically like what you talked about, then go for it :P I don't know where you'd do that though without people jumping to conclusions that you're definitely gay (but who cares what people think really).

Oh and, don't mention your weight around people! No matter what weight you are, even if you're not thought of as very overweight, people just won't know what to say. It makes for an awkward moment.
Message me if you want, I've had so many feelings for so many different types of people, I'm still confused but I'm okay with that :)

[Desuetude]

Haha well that post showed a hell of a lot of that personality thats so awesome. There's no harm in experimenting with guys, it's pretty normal for you to feel curious. I guess you're just going to have to be patient and wait for someone to show they have an interest in you. Either that or you're going to have to take matters into your own hands and go out and find someone - girl or guy.

[someoneunknown]

Haha thanks guys. And ell yeah. I am PACKED with personality! ; D
You guys deff helped me. I hope more people comment though. I want to hear what others have to say. I hope its natural - just a phase - so that I can grow out of it and get on with my life.

[zerosix22]

Yeah,you are just on a curious phase of adolescence. Im feeling it too before but as time passed by it changed,somehow it changed,i still think that skinny and good looking guys were adorable but i think what im feeling is just im too envious if their looks physically and teens faces different phases of adolescence that leads on us thinking about experimenting with same sexes. I too am seeing myself having a great wife,sons and a daughter in the future. I hope somehow i helped you think that you are not alone. :)

[Dimentio]

One i want to be a counsellor and have helped people with depression and love problems and everything many times so if you need someone i am here :)
Two i am the same, 16 nearly 17 not kissed before but be proud of it like i am, Be proud that you are saving it for that one true love who will be your first the day you meet him/her!
Three i am gay and to me, It sounds like you are either bisexual or you could be gay but you are scared of hate and disappointment from people and you are scared of yourself if you are gay, But never ever let anything stop you from being you okay! Be you and be proud of you no matter what! And by the way i just want to say you sound ADORABLE and cute! Like your height and size, Your cockiness, Your views on love! You are just a little fluffy cute ball aren't you! Good luck and i hope you find love soon :)

[Eth_94123]

It's very normal to be curious :) you will have to be very patient to find someone! Good things come to those who wait! :)

[Faolan]

This has basically just summed up my high school personal life so far too. Thanks for posting this. It really helped me too.

[norcaldude18]

I don't want to sound like an ass, but there is a good chance you could be gay and just be in denial. I had similar feeling in high school. I thought of doing sexual things with guys but I felt really disgusted when that happened. I told myself I would never be gay and that I couldn't be happy living my life with another man. I wanted the wife, the kids, the house with the picket fence. For me, I was in love with the idea of loving a girl, but I realized that was no way to live. It could be curiosity for you, but you could also be gay.

[PerpetualMotionSquad]

Sounds to me like you're very effeminate. However I've seen straight guys like that. I'd just see how your feeling pan out. Try and think about the situation a little bit more. Do you only want to be with girls because it's the 'normal' thing? Do you want kids with a girl because you think it's the only way? That fantasy you said near the end sounds like things we bi's and gays think of. But like I said, see how things go and think rationally about the situation.

[Second Chance]

I'm sorry if I sound like a jerk here, but based on what you have described above you are either gay or bi-sexual which is not a bad thing. You can't force yourself to be something you're not, and it is pretty clear that you like men in a sexual way. My guess is that you would be happiest with another guy as opposed to a girl. Trying to live the stereotype of the typical guy having a wife and kids might not be for you especially since you find men attractive. Sleeping around with some girls is not going to change things especially with your feelings towards guys being pretty strong.

I would not worry if you have not done anything sexual with anyone at this point because there are plenty of folks who graduate high school who are virgins and who never had been with anyone including kissing. At least you have had sense not to do anything stupid which you need to give yourself credit for. When the right person comes along, then you'll be all right. I just wouldn't focus on keeping up with everyone else because you'll always be unhappy.

I guess all I can say is if you accept who you are and who you like, then you'll find someone who is just right for you. Don't try to live up to a standard that probably doesn't work for you.

[ImCoolBeans]

Please do not bump old threads. The last post before the bump was older than two months. :locked: