Were you scared?

[Skyline]

When you came out were you scared? I cannot sleep because its bothering me that I know I want to come out but I am still scared. I guess I am waiting for that moment when I'm not scared and know that coming out won't affect my life. But I know that will never come. I know in my heart that it is time to come out, I am sick of pretending that I like girls and hearing my mom tell me that when I get older me and my wife are going to have beautiful kids. I think the thing that scares me most is losing my dad. I love my dad more than anything in the world, sometimes we don't get along but I still love him. My parents are divorced and I rarely get to see my dad, but when I do most of the time he is drunk. The last thing I want to do is lose the rest of him. I know my mom and her side of the family will be fine because I do have a gay cousin from her side and we all get along fine. I'm just lost, scared, and clueless. Should I put my fears aside and just do it, or something. I just don't know what to do.:(

[ReginaGeorge]

I wasn't scared because I knew the majority of people I would tell wouldn't care, but I was still nervous and worried. It's a very personal thing, and you have to tell other people, even without the possibility of it going bad, it's already scary. It's okay to be scared, it is scary, but it will benefit you. It will help you just to get it out and stop hiding yourself, that's not even including people who will accept you, and people will. They'll still love you, because you're still you. You sound like you'll have a very good support group, a huge portion of your family, you have to keep in mind, that just because you don't think people will accept you, doesn't mean they won't, they could go the complete opposite way and accept you and bake you a cake (okay, probably not a cake). If things do go bad with a couple of people, just think of the huge support you'll have to fall back on, and just because people don't accept in the beginning, doesn't mean they won't come around. It isn't set in stone, people do change their minds, so just remain optimistic. You need to focus of the good of the situations. Coming out will benefit you so much more than it won't.

Good luck.

[TigerBoy]

^Great advice Jess.

Adam, only you can judge whether you are ready and safe to do so, and it can be a very scarey step for some guys, but you'll probably find that once you've done it the good far outweighs the bad and you can finally stop all the bullshit stuff that really wears down your self esteem over time. Its so nice to be able to turn round and say 'fuck you' if someone's being a bigot, instead of sitting there and listening to their crap. There are always idiots who'll use your sexuality against you, but those sort of people would find something as an excuse anyway, and chances are they are already making you feel bad.

Family get-togethers used to get really old especially this time of year with all the "Hi Olly, got a girlfriend yet?" (I don't get the 'my how you've grown' comments due to the fact I generally haven't so that's half their 'kid conversation' gone right there :-D). Coming out made that conversation a whole lot more fun from my point of view lol. This Christmas has been great since I can tell friends & family randoms who still forget I'm gay (or choose to forget) "no I don't have a girlfriend, but here, meet my boyfriend". Still short though :P

[Noirtier]

When you came out were you scared? I cannot sleep because its bothering me that I know I want to come out but I am still scared. I guess I am waiting for that moment when I'm not scared and know that coming out won't affect my life. But I know that will never come. I know in my heart that it is time to come out, I am sick of pretending that I like girls and hearing my mom tell me that when I get older me and my wife are going to have beautiful kids. I think the thing that scares me most is losing my dad. I love my dad more than anything in the world, sometimes we don't get along but I still love him. My parents are divorced and I rarely get to see my dad, but when I do most of the time he is drunk. The last thing I want to do is lose the rest of him. I know my mom and her side of the family will be fine because I do have a gay cousin from her side and we all get along fine. I'm just lost, scared, and clueless. Should I put my fears aside and just do it, or something. I just don't know what to do.:(

I've not come out to family yet, I intend to do that once I graduate high school and am on my way out of here because being gay isn't exactly accepted in my family. But I have come out to several friends. The first few times, you can bet I was scared as fuck and nervous as hell. It gets easier though, each time you do it. I don't even get nervous now when someone asks me or I tell someone. If you keep waiting for a time when you're not scared, it's not going to come hun. However, don't come out before you're ready. It's your choice when to come out, and don't make yourself do it before you're really ready. From what you've said, it sounds like your mom will accept it, although keep in mind that when you tell your parents they may be in shock and denial for a little bit--it's a tough thing for a parent to handle, their child coming out to them. I know what you mean about your dad too, hun, and with him, again, wait until you feel you're ready. Then, I would pick a moment when he's actually sober to tell him. I hope that it all goes well for you and I wish you the best of luck. We're all here to help and support you if you need it!

[BlackieChan21E]

Well I think I am naturally born bi, but because of my religion and my family I chose to just destroy any desires I have towards any type of relationship. But I have told plenty of friends that I have liked guys before, including the 3 guys I liked (who are all straight), and everyone seems to take it fine and support me when I do feel alone. I even told my youth pastor and she didn't even say anything about it and still supports me through everything. As far as my parents. I feel like they'll be the worst of them all. But I'm currently typing out my life story and all that effected me growing up (I'll be 18 Monday) and it has a whole 22 single spaced page on my sexual confusion and when it done in gonna give it to them and make them read it. But by that time I'll probably be on my way to college. I have told my older sister and one of my cousins though and they took it fine too. My cousin still gives me the whole "where's you girl friend thing." but I just reply "I hate people, so she's nonexistent" lol

[Eth_94123]

It used to bother me alot I couldn't sleep and it used to constantly be on my mind, but when I came out it was the best thing I ever did :) but it's different with everyone else :)

[Shadow]

Yes I was scared when I first came out of the closet but it does get easier with each new person that you come out to