How to get over him?

[Aceso]

Long story short, I still have feelings for him and it appears they're now unrequited, or so it seems. I'm exhausted with trying so hard and I've been holding on for far too long - about 10 months or so now. I'm tired of never getting an answer and receiving so many mixed signals.
We have a very good friendship I value a lot so cutting all contact isn't really an option for me, I just can't go on holding into every tiny strand of hope when it's so obviously never going to happen. I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to cut contact either because he's helped me through so much and I'm not sure how stable I'll be without him. I'm aware relying on someone is detrimental, but I guess that's why I'm making this thread because I really can't do this any more. He somehow manages to destroy me and simultaneously be the one to keep me going at times. Whenever I've brought how I feel up it's never ended very well and I don't want to fracture whatever we have left any more than I feel I already have.
It just hurts a lot seeing the one you love, love someone else. Especially when you're in the process of trying to move on.
Any ideas anyone? Please help.

[Noirtier]

First let me say that it's good that you're in the process of beginning to move on, and that you've taken that step. You need to admit to yourself and accept the fact that nothing is going to happen between you two, and that nothing can happen between you two, and that it's time to get over him. You've begun to try to get over him, but it appears that it hasn't been working too well. There is nothing saying you can't be friends with him still--because you can. But hun, you need to decrease your contact with him some, you can still talk to him just don't talk to him as much. Focus on some other friends that you have, and some other aspects of your life--school for example, or a job. Put yourself out there and find some new people that you can begin to have support you as well, so you don't just rely solely on him anymore. I know it hurts and it's rough, but sometimes you just have to realize that it's not going to happen. It's great that you've done that. And if you ever need to talk, we're always here to help and support you hun. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that you're able to begin to get over him!

[Aceso]

First let me say that it's good that you're in the process of beginning to move on, and that you've taken that step. You need to admit to yourself and accept the fact that nothing is going to happen between you two, and that nothing can happen between you two, and that it's time to get over him. You've begun to try to get over him, but it appears that it hasn't been working too well. There is nothing saying you can't be friends with him still--because you can. But hun, you need to decrease your contact with him some, you can still talk to him just don't talk to him as much. Focus on some other friends that you have, and some other aspects of your life--school for example, or a job. Put yourself out there and find some new people that you can begin to have support you as well, so you don't just rely solely on him anymore. I know it hurts and it's rough, but sometimes you just have to realize that it's not going to happen. It's great that you've done that. And if you ever need to talk, we're always here to help and support you hun. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that you're able to begin to get over him!

I've been trying to admit, more like tell myself that it'd never be possible from the very start, I always knew I wouldn't really be good enough for him and I still strongly believe so, I'm also aware that we're a fair distance apart so I couldn't be what he needed really. It hurts nonetheless, but it's a lot easier to not have to worry about running into him unintentionally.
Right now I see it that my friendship with him is more important than anything else, but am aware of the fact that it's taking me a hell of a lot longer to move on.
I've been keeping myself busy as much as possible, and haven't been feeling too bad as a result. I have a lot to focus on but he always seems to take up every free space in my head lol. I am trying to keep a healthy balance, though. I have stuff to fall back on but I do get times where I don't see any point without him.
I don't really fall in love often, and certainly not like this so I'm never quite sure how to deal with whatever it is. He's a great guy but I guess it was just some little world I was living in.

Thanks for the advice, I'll try and keep doing what I'm doing. Once I get my head around this mental block I'll be fine, never had to try this hard to deal with something this emotional, feelings wise before haha. It's proving to be one of the toughest challenges/situations I'm having to deal with.

[Aceso]

Bump, anyone?
Finding it a little hard tonight, could do with some good distraction methods if anyone has any. My motivation for everything seems to have gone straight downhill and I've got no idea what to do.

[IVIodern]

Bump, anyone?
Finding it a little hard tonight, could do with some good distraction methods if anyone has any. My motivation for everything seems to have gone straight downhill and I've got no idea what to do.

Do what you like to do. What you enjoy, just anything to keep your mind off him. You posted this in the middle of the night, so I assume your already sleeping now (unless your like me and staying up until 9 am without being a bit tired), so I assume your favorite hobby or whatever you like is out of question now.

I hope you get over him soon and move on, almost a year is just too long. Until then its a battle with your emotions. I know I am not much of a help, just here for 'moral support' or so.

[Aceso]

Do what you like to do. What you enjoy, just anything to keep your mind off him. You posted this in the middle of the night, so I assume your already sleeping now (unless your like me and staying up until 9 am without being a bit tired), so I assume your favorite hobby or whatever you like is out of question now.

I hope you get over him soon and move on, almost a year is just too long. Until then its a battle with your emotions. I know I am not much of a help, just here for 'moral support' or so.


I love to paint, draw, horse ride, cycle, run, play the harp, play the piano, lift weights, go on the xbox, revise (when I have the motivation) but half of these are impossible for me right now. I can't sleep, and I've literally just done nothing but lie on the sofa all day. I understand I need to get my shit together but it's not really getting much easier right now.
The only time I ever really feel distracted is when I'm out exercising, but it's too late now haha. Even when my mood isn't so low I still think about him all the time, over and over in my head and it drives me crazy, especially at night.
I agree a year is far too long, but I guess there were times when I genuinely thought that something might happen. He completely confuses me and is so frustrating because he's often just so hard to read, I'm constantly tiptoeing around because I've been trying so hard to be this perfect person just to come close to anything like he is, but I kind of know I'll never really be as good as that and it makes me feel so pathetic.
You're right about the battle of emotions - half the time I'm trying to tell myself that I don't NEED him like I thought I did, that I was an idiot for even thinking so and the other half is just constantly relapsing and disparing because I've got no idea where to move forward in this aspect.
Thanks for the advice though, it really is appreciated.

[IVIodern]

I love to paint, draw, horse ride, cycle, run, play the harp, play the piano, lift weights, go on the xbox, revise (when I have the motivation) but half of these are impossible for me right now. I can't sleep, and I've literally just done nothing but lie on the sofa all day. I understand I need to get my shit together but it's not really getting much easier right now.
The only time I ever really feel distracted is when I'm out exercising, but it's too late now haha. Even when my mood isn't so low I still think about him all the time, over and over in my head and it drives me crazy, especially at night.
I agree a year is far too long, but I guess there were times when I genuinely thought that something might happen. He completely confuses me and is so frustrating because he's often just so hard to read, I'm constantly tiptoeing around because I've been trying so hard to be this perfect person just to come close to anything like he is, but I kind of know I'll never really be as good as that and it makes me feel so pathetic.
You're right about the battle of emotions - half the time I'm trying to tell myself that I don't NEED him like I thought I did, that I was an idiot for even thinking so and the other half is just constantly relapsing and disparing because I've got no idea where to move forward in this aspect.
Thanks for the advice though, it really is appreciated.
Almost the same as me then. All I ever do is lazy around. It really sucks but theirs not much I can do about it. No motivation to do anything. *yaay for a shitty lifestyle* ._. - add me on skype if your bored and want to talk

[AkuRokuStalker]

Lose hope in the relationship. That is what I would do. But I'm an emotionless freak as some people have told me. Sorry if it does not help.

[Sacha's Girl]

I am going through the exact same thing as you, except the person im going through this with is just ignoring me completely, blocked my number, unfriended me on facebook and those sorts of things. this is the hardest thing i have ever gone through, but i think no contact has made it easier. its really difficult when normally if something happens like this you would talk to them for help, but since it is them, you just have to find trust in someone else to help you. I hope that makes sense, but thats sort of what i am doing...

I hope you get through this!!

[Sacha's Girl]

I am going through the exact same thing as you, except the person im going through this with is just ignoring me completely, blocked my number, unfriended me on facebook and those sorts of things. this is the hardest thing i have ever gone through, but i think no contact has made it easier. its really difficult when normally if something happens like this you would talk to them for help, but since it is them, you just have to find trust in someone else to help you. I hope that makes sense, but thats sort of what i am doing...

I hope you get through this!!

[Taryn98]

The longer you stay friends with this person, the harder it becomes to break off all contact, which is probably what you need to do.
You need to get together with a couple close friends and vent! Let all your feelings out and really grieve, then let your friends support you and build you back up.
Also, make it a challenge to yourself to meet someone new. Don't go into it trying to replace your ex or trying to rebound, but open your heart to the possibility of meeting new people.
Even if you don't get a new boyfriend, you'll probably meet new friends that will help you in your journey.

[Aceso]

Almost the same as me then. All I ever do is lazy around. It really sucks but theirs not much I can do about it. No motivation to do anything. *yaay for a shitty lifestyle* ._. - add me on skype if your bored and want to talk
Haha, even my sleep routine has completely fucked up since new years, haven't been able to sleep properly again, haven't done half of the things I usually do, just been trying to keep myself together over this. Not sure how long I can keep myself together to be honest, it's not really getting much easier. I just want to know how he feels, just openly talk with him about it without having to worry about feeling like crap afterwards haha.

Lose hope in the relationship. That is what I would do. But I'm an emotionless freak as some people have told me. Sorry if it does not help.
How would one lose hope? If I could do so easily I would. I can't feel anything anymore, nothing much good anyway. Sometimes I feel completely neutral, other times I'm on the verge of a break down. It's ridiculous really, my emotions shouldn't be so controlled by how I interact with him but that seems to be the only factor that affects my mood anymore.

I am going through the exact same thing as you, except the person im going through this with is just ignoring me completely, blocked my number, unfriended me on facebook and those sorts of things. this is the hardest thing i have ever gone through, but i think no contact has made it easier. its really difficult when normally if something happens like this you would talk to them for help, but since it is them, you just have to find trust in someone else to help you. I hope that makes sense, but thats sort of what i am doing...

I hope you get through this!!

I'm so sorry to hear - I don't think I could just cut ties like that. For some reason he's just stopped talking to me anyway, which I'm finding hard (though I haven't really initiated a conversation). Other stuff's happening at home for me right now too anyway, parents are talking about divorce again and there are fights and explosions every day, last time I talked to him mum was smashing up the kitchen and I was being really short, we haven't talked since and I kinda know it's my fault. I just wanna get away from here really but I know at the end of the day that won't really help.
Like I said, he's been pretty much my closest friend for the past two years, he knows me as well as I do I recon, I trust him with anything - but this is the one thing I can never really talk to him about. I'd send him walls and walls of text every day if I could, haha. But yeah, he's basically my closest and most trusted friend, and there was a while when I DID need him. I can't walk away because I have so much I value about the friendship but looking back it's no surprise I fell in love with him really.

The longer you stay friends with this person, the harder it becomes to break off all contact, which is probably what you need to do.
You need to get together with a couple close friends and vent! Let all your feelings out and really grieve, then let your friends support you and build you back up.
Also, make it a challenge to yourself to meet someone new. Don't go into it trying to replace your ex or trying to rebound, but open your heart to the possibility of meeting new people.
Even if you don't get a new boyfriend, you'll probably meet new friends that will help you in your journey.

I'd rather stay friends and take forever to get over him than block him out. It's literally hell, every single day. I literally could say I've spent every other night for the past 10 months thinking/crying over him and it's utterly irrational/ridiculous. Our friendship is very different from what it was around March/April time. He doesn't tell me he needs me anymore, in fact most of the time when I'm on the verge of crashing and I'm telling him I can't do it, it's mostly just a one or two word answer like "you can. Don't compare yourself to others." I know it's kinda selfish but I'm still hoping we'll go back to how we were, and I've been hoping that for a very long time but I'm kinda kidding myself really, I doubt it's gonna happen.
Haha my friends are sick of hearing about him, it's almost all I'll talk about now. They just kind of nod and agree, mostly because they don't really have an idea about what to do either. I'm constantly on such a roller coaster of emotions I feel really sorry for them.
I've tried for a long time to let someone else in and I really can't. I don't have an issue talking to people, but I have had people confess to me they have feelings for me in the past year and I just feel nothing. I want to love one of them, or at least have feelings - but I can't. I don't know how to love anyone else but him right now and I hate myself for it. I don't know how to move on because I know every time I say no to someone else I'm passing up another opportunity to be happy, but there is no point dating someone else if I feel nothing for them, it's not fair on their part.
There is one other guy who I've kinda got close to recently, but it's just another hopeless case. He's quite a distance away from me too - and a lot older. He's already told me he has feelings for me though and I'm starting to wonder if I can just give it a chance with him though. I don't know, my head's a mess right now and I don't want to mistake wanting him for just feeling lonely and wanting someone/anyone.