I can't make friends

[Dunce]

I've been in college for 12 weeks now, and I only have one friend, but he's never in lectures and hangs around with school friends in other courses.

Basically, I went into college a little nervous but not really worried about making friends because I had plenty of friends at school and I thought it would be no bother. I wasn't popular, we were kind of outcasts but it was a biggish group and we all got on great. Anyway, as soon as I started I was too shy to talk to anyone, even if I did talk to someone I didn't know what to say and I could sense people getting bored with me. I was lucky to be around a group of people the first day, but when we were getting to know each other I would answer questions like "what are your hobbies" with "Ummm nothing really... music..?" and I could see them looking at each other. They must have thought I was so boring!
I also hung out with another group for a few days but none of them actually really talked to me so I backed off. I didn't feel comfortable around them because they seemed to bitch a lot, and seeing as I had no place in their group I concluded they probably bitch about me when I'm not there. I began to realize people just intimidate me so much, literally like everyone.
I have talked to loads of people but a lot of people just seem uninterested or I end up boring them. I'm getting so depressed about this. No matter who I try talk to I can never make a friend. It's like I have a wall up but I can't get it down.
My friends from school are either too busy or they ignore my texts.
This is all making me too sad. I can't study and I badly need to because the course is quite big. I'm thinking of not making the effort with people anymore, just accepting that I'm a loner and trying to focus on the study. Is that unhealthy though?
I've gotten quite bitter about people. I'm also wondering whether or not I actually want to be around people, thinking about the 2 groups I have been with, I wasn't comfortable with them. But then again, I'm sad alone. I don't know what to do and I don't understand what is going on or why I can't make friends.
I'm trying to go with the flow. I have a routine of going to the library at breaks and stuff like that, but people from my course see me alone and look at me like I have two heads.

It's like in primary and half of secondary school I was really intimidated by my peers. It look me until I was 15 to find people like me, but now they've matured to be as cool and outgoing as everyone else and now even they sometimes intimidate me. It's just getting me down so much that this is happening again. I feel like if I can't make friends in college then what chance have I after college? It's going to be bloody hard making friends at work.
Plus, I don't want to be intimidated by people if I do make friends. A few years ago I couldn't take it and just left and got new friends, who I left too. Like, I can't get over intimidation, but I want to this time if I manage to find people.

[Smeagol]

Making friends is difficult. I only have one good friend at my boarding school. Just: relax, be yourself, and get to places where people are. I bet that you'll find people with similar interests :)

[Steve Jobs]

Hmm. College is that time when people stop judging as much as high school kids and such. It's really not that hard if you make an effort to get out there and meet people! I was a little like you for the first part. I forced myself to meet and talk to someone new every day I was on campus, and it worked!
I'm not the most social or outgoing guy there is, but I know people and I've found various groups of people I can hang out and socialize with, even if I still do find it hard to meet good friends around here.
Have you looked at joining in an interest group, participating in some event of some sort maybe?

[Dunce]

Hmm. College is that time when people stop judging as much as high school kids and such. It's really not that hard if you make an effort to get out there and meet people! I was a little like you for the first part. I forced myself to meet and talk to someone new every day I was on campus, and it worked!
I'm not the most social or outgoing guy there is, but I know people and I've found various groups of people I can hang out and socialize with, even if I still do find it hard to meet good friends around here.
Have you looked at joining in an interest group, participating in some event of some sort maybe?

It doesn't feel like that, it's like everyone who lays eyes on me is judging me. I never felt like that in high school, so I'm not paranoid. I have talked to loads of people and they literally just don't like me. What am I supposed to do if I have a bad personality? Plus, I'm pretty sure this is social anxiety or something, and that makes me seem really unfriendly. I'm part of a few groups already and have taken part in events, and even though I get on with people none of them seem to be interested in being friends with me.
The reason I say I feel like everyone is judging me is because literally anywhere I go on campus, everyone, I mean everyone, every type of person is bitching about someone. And the person they're always bitching about is that person on their course who has no friends.

[Steve Jobs]

It doesn't feel like that, it's like everyone who lays eyes on me is judging me. I never felt like that in high school, so I'm not paranoid. I have talked to loads of people and they literally just don't like me. What am I supposed to do if I have a bad personality? Plus, I'm pretty sure this is social anxiety or something, and that makes me seem really unfriendly. I'm part of a few groups already and have taken part in events, and even though I get on with people none of them seem to be interested in being friends with me.
The reason I say I feel like everyone is judging me is because literally anywhere I go on campus, everyone, I mean everyone, every type of person is bitching about someone. And the person they're always bitching about is that person on their course who has no friends.



Hmm. I don't know aye! It seems to me, over here at least, you really do have to go out of your way to be particularly disliked. Some people I speak to after knowing them for a while always tell me that they aren't good at approaching people, or something like that.
I really don't think everyone bitches all the time. Maybe you aren't mixing with the right group. A lot of my friends exist outside of my classes too. Sometimes it's too competitive within the classroom. I've found, particularly on side projects that it's just as useful to meet and network with people from outside of your focus/curriculum/industry.

If you've never had this problem in high school, I don't understand why you'd be facing this at college, particularly if you're going to a decent or good one. You don't have a bad personality or I'm sure it would be quite visible on this forums. The fact that you're trying, and not stubborn also shows you're out and about and looking for people to connect with too.

Making friends is definitely hard to come by these days though, so take your time and choose wisely :)

[Eric57]

Are you going to a local community college or a university? Basically I find that people at local community colleges don't really interact with each other. I go to a local college and we are all there for one reason: Get our work done. I have yet to make a single friend because most people don't interact. I think people who go to local colleges tend to just stick to the same group of people they went to high school with.

Now, if you are going to a university then it's completely different. You are living on campus and are interacting with your schoolmates on all the time because you live with them. Have you tried going to parties? That is a great way to meet people. Even if you don't fit in with any of the groups you say you don't fit in with, talk to them one day andn ask if there are any new events coming up and if there are, ask if you can tag along. Once you are at the event/party, maybe you'll meet some new people and strike up a conversation.

Finding friends is very hard. I am experiencing something very similar and it's hard to meet new people and make new friends. You just have to continue to put yourself out there and be social. If you aren't being social, then you have no chance of meeting any new people. Eventually you will meet someone or more than one person who you hit it off with. It's hard, I know, but like I said, you just have to continue being social. There just isn't any other way of meeting people and making new friends.

[AuthorX303720]

I agree, I have only one friend and that is it. But you don't seem like a boring guy if you like music :D You sound like a really nice guy and if you need someone to talk to just come to me. FYI if you need a friend then I can be your friend :D I hope you have a better time in college than you are now -Sid

[Dunce]

Hmm. I don't know aye! It seems to me, over here at least, you really do have to go out of your way to be particularly disliked. Some people I speak to after knowing them for a while always tell me that they aren't good at approaching people, or something like that.
I really don't think everyone bitches all the time. Maybe you aren't mixing with the right group. A lot of my friends exist outside of my classes too. Sometimes it's too competitive within the classroom. I've found, particularly on side projects that it's just as useful to meet and network with people from outside of your focus/curriculum/industry.

If you've never had this problem in high school, I don't understand why you'd be facing this at college, particularly if you're going to a decent or good one. You don't have a bad personality or I'm sure it would be quite visible on this forums. The fact that you're trying, and not stubborn also shows you're out and about and looking for people to connect with too.

Making friends is definitely hard to come by these days though, so take your time and choose wisely
I'm probably just around the wrong people, but even the type of people I would want to be around intimidate me. Hopefully I'll find people soon enough :P

Are you going to a local community college or a university? Basically I find that people at local community colleges don't really interact with each other. I go to a local college and we are all there for one reason: Get our work done. I have yet to make a single friend because most people don't interact. I think people who go to local colleges tend to just stick to the same group of people they went to high school with.

Now, if you are going to a university then it's completely different. You are living on campus and are interacting with your schoolmates on all the time because you live with them. Have you tried going to parties? That is a great way to meet people. Even if you don't fit in with any of the groups you say you don't fit in with, talk to them one day andn ask if there are any new events coming up and if there are, ask if you can tag along. Once you are at the event/party, maybe you'll meet some new people and strike up a conversation.

Finding friends is very hard. I am experiencing something very similar and it's hard to meet new people and make new friends. You just have to continue to put yourself out there and be social. If you aren't being social, then you have no chance of meeting any new people. Eventually you will meet someone or more than one person who you hit it off with. It's hard, I know, but like I said, you just have to continue being social. There just isn't any other way of meeting people and making new friends.
I'm in a university, but I'm not living on campus. I would go to parties and stuff but I live too far away from college to get back at night time, and to stay at someones house I would need a friend, and that's just too risky for me not knowing if I'll have somewhere to stay. I'm definitely not going to ask someone I couldn't call a friend. I usually make friends through current friends, but none of my friends go to my university so it's harder. The only chance I really have is in classes or labs. I get what you're saying though, I can't bury my head in the sand and expect to meet anyone.

I agree, I have only one friend and that is it. But you don't seem like a boring guy if you like music You sound like a really nice guy and if you need someone to talk to just come to me. FYI if you need a friend then I can be your friend I hope you have a better time in college than you are now -Sid
Thank you *hugs*

[Irishperson15]

I can't really tell you how to make friends. But, the best friends are those who like you because of you. My best friend, who I know I will always be friends with, he lived beside me and we met at the bus stop, now we are the closest ever. I believe that sometimes it can be destiny that brings friends together, but if you act yourself, it will be beneficial for you in the long run as it will attract people who are like you. That's what happened me. Good luck!!