spanking?

[question101]

is it all right that my mom still takes off my pants and spanks me?

[Maverick]

Like when you get in trouble? Ummm no I don't think so. I find that very odd your mom would do that when you are a teenager.

[ThatCanadianGuy]

Are you serious? I don't really like spanking in general, but that just doesn't happen when you get older (at least I thought that until now... not in some cases). They ground you or take away your internet or something. Spanking won't teach a YOUNG ADULT anything, and it won't hurt that much either so... sorry but maybe sexual abuse is going on... does anyone else think so?

[Hauptmann Kauffman]

Thats not normal at all. At this age, I think that would be considered sexual abuse. Different punishment methods need to be put in action.

[ThatCanadianGuy]

I mean aside from the abuse part, how is that supposed to discipline you? When you were little it would make you cry and you'd stop. Now it would just be like "ow... okay that stung a bit.... what did you just accomplish exactly?" you know what I mean?

[Sugaree]

Well by the sounds of it, I would say that 50/50 it's sexual abuse. But being a YOUNG ADULT as yourself how is spanking supposed to teach you anything. But yeah I base my opinion on your age mostly and that pulling down pants doesn't sound right. Tell me does she pull down your underware to? I'm not any knid of pervert or anything. It would make it a lot more clear if you told us that.

[Serenity]

Ok I think you guys are being really, really ridiculous. A parent spanking their child, young or old, is not SEXUAL ABUSE- you're jumping to absolutely radical conclusions for absolutely no reason. Yes, it's odd for a parent to spank a teen but it's not unheard of, and without some actual basis, again, it's ridiculous to just assume her parents are perverted freaks.

[Underground_Network]

What about the fact that she said her mother removes her pants before spanking her? I'm not sure its exactly sexual abuse, but it definitely is odd, and if you don't like it, you may want to talk to a school counselor to find out if anything can be done. If nothing can be done, then you just have to live with being spanked for doing something bad until you finally turn 18 and can finally leave your house. :/

[Sugaree]

Ok I think you guys are being really, really ridiculous. A parent spanking their child, young or old, is not SEXUAL ABUSE- you're jumping to absolutely radical conclusions for absolutely no reason. Yes, it's odd for a parent to spank a teen but it's not unheard of, and without some actual basis, again, it's ridiculous to just assume her parents are perverted freaks.

No I don't think I am. Because if the underware is removed it is indeed sexual abuse. If we know that then we can really put it on sexual abuse. You know not all guys are perverts

[Maverick]

No I don't think I am. Because if the underware is removed it is indeed sexual abuse. If we know that then we can really put it on sexual abuse. You know not all guys are perverts
It is not even considered sexual abuse by definition. When parents spank their child are they sexually abusing their 3 year old? No. Sexual abuse is forcing someone unwilling to do sex acts. There's nothing sexual about spanking someone for discipline.

[Sugaree]

Ok now it's a little bit clearer for me now. Ok I got it. I got mixed up.

[Attax]

it depends on your age

[Eagle1]

ok i understand

[mynameisjane]

no, my mom quit spanking me with her slipper with my pants still on when i was 5 or 6. then when i was 11, her new boyfriend said the best punishment was the wooden on bare butt. that really hurt. then when i was 13, my moms new boyfriend was yelling at us again and he told me to go upstairs, he took me to their bedroom, closed the door, and just wacked me in the butt. that confused me and i was scared and i didnt know what to think. i really think he was trying to make it feel like sexual harassment. he got all in my face and said, "if you're gonna act like a child, we'll punish you like one!" then when i went back to the kitchen, my mom had a smirk and said, "dont like getting spanked, do you?" i dont really know what to think of it still.
but i dont think your parents spanking you is anything like that. i think they still think of you as a little kid sometimes. do they smirk when they have to spank you? just be greatful you just get little sting for 5 seconds instead of a week of grounding. if it really bothers you, act like you dont care if they spank you.

[Hauptmann Kauffman]

I agree witht he above post

[byee]

no, my mom quit spanking me with her slipper with my pants still on when i was 5 or 6. then when i was 11, her new boyfriend said the best punishment was the wooden on bare butt. that really hurt. then when i was 13, my moms new boyfriend was yelling at us again and he told me to go upstairs, he took me to their bedroom, closed the door, and just wacked me in the butt. that confused me and i was scared and i didnt know what to think. i really think he was trying to make it feel like sexual harassment. he got all in my face and said, "if you're gonna act like a child, we'll punish you like one!" then when i went back to the kitchen, my mom had a smirk and said, "dont like getting spanked, do you?" i dont really know what to think of it still.
but i dont think your parents spanking you is anything like that. i think they still think of you as a little kid sometimes. do they smirk when they have to spank you? just be greatful you just get little sting for 5 seconds instead of a week of grounding. if it really bothers you, act like you dont care if they spank you.

I have a couple of thoughts about this post. First, concerning the OP's original q, 1) No, this isn't 'sexual abuse', but I think it is inappropriate, and I think that's what she's asking. It's inappropriate because it involves exposure of the bare butt, which leaves her feeling vulnerable and humiliated, which is not the purpose of any type of punishment, and, 2) She's questioning the productiveness/usefulness of spanking at her age. And, she's right on both accounts, there's a ton of evidence out there that clearly indicates that spanking isn't the most effective way of modifying behavior, that whatever utility it has diminishes as the receipient gets older, and, spanking in general can cause more problems than it resolves. Usually, parents spank out of sheer frustration and a lack of knowledge about the more effective ways of behavior management or control.

Tell your mom you want her to stop hitting you. Then, get with the program at home, and follow the rules so she doesn't get so frustrated with you that she needs to whack you.

With regards to Jane's post, wow, I'm sorry for you here. Maybe alot of the issues you speak about elsewhere result from your folks not realizing the result of their interactions with you?

Step -father's have a strange role in families. Sure, they're the guy in charge, but they sorta married into the role (like Hillary running for President, I suppose). Their authority is secondary to their marriage. And since he's new, his authority feels different, especially when it involves punishment, and especially when it involves a punishment that leaves you more vulnerable and humiliated (see above). Before people take on the disciplinary role, they need to establish themselves as nurturers first. Good authority always flows from respect and trust, not bullying or heavy handedness. Maybe you feel violated because he's hasn't established himself as a caretaker yet.

Like the OP, you might want to sit down with both of them and discuss your feelings and work out in advance other, more appropriate ways of them disciplining you. And like the advice I just gave the OP, the best form of discipline is no discipline, by the time you're a mid teen you should be able to either negotiate a change in the rules so you're not breaking them, or you should be basically following them.

[mynameisjane]

actually, i couldnt put up with my stepdad so i moved to my sister's house 1,370 miles away.

[Gumleaf]

actually, i couldnt put up with my stepdad so i moved to my sister's house 1,370 miles away.

wow, thats a long way. thats like about halfway across australia in distance. anyway, spanking is ok for punishment as long as its done appropriately. however spanking is wrong if done in a sexual manner or for someones sexual enjoyment.

[TheDude]

I do think it is kind of odd.
When I was LITTLE and my parents smacked me they didn't even pull down my trousers so although I don't think it is sexual abuse I think it is a bit extra/intrusive/pointless/futile.

[creamiie]

i dont think it is alright. thats your butt. and she has no right to touch it without your permission >.< like i feel weird when my mum touches my breast. esp if she is fitting a bra for me.i mean wth. im old enough to wear it. & she has no right to do anything that makes you uncomfortable ;D

[kovert43]

Just seems a kinda weird maybe when ur were 4 or 5 but not 13+ just kinda wrong i'd fine that sexual harrasment to me but ur life :)

[greger92]

no itsnot alright

[thesphinx]

no itsnot alright

first of all that really didn't add to the post.
second of all this is a relatively old thread.

[Maverick]

first of all that really didn't add to the post.
second of all this is a relatively old thread.
Agreed.

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