Help???? It's not for me but... Can someone just tell me what to do?

[ian622]

There was this girl whom I previously dated who started cutting because of me. Well in fact not really because of me but it started when we were together... I always tried making her stop but I couldn't. I always end up going home fucked-up thinking it was mostly my fault she's acting this way. And honestly I can't think of why it would be my fault.
Then we got into this huge fight where it ended up with her suicide attempt. And I'm sad to say this but I just couldn't do this shit anymore. You do not make me mad at you then call me at who knows A.M. to tell me that you're going to kill yourself.
She survived but I'm afraid she became a bit neurotic after that. People say that I'm the only one who could save her or something like that shit, but I'm tired. And I'm hurt. Everyone knows it. That I'm the one who was hurt the most during that fight.
I'm afraid that if nobody stops her... She'll attempt another one. But I'm at a lost about what to do, how to do it and to be honest... why should I?
I used to be depressed too. Before we happened... and even when we were happening but I don't think I am anymore. Is it bad that my depression went away because someone else had them. Because honestly I am fucking tired of feeling sorry for myself and for others. Whatever happened to me in the past shouldn't define my life now. I mean it took me a suicide attempt of someone close to me to realize that... and I just don't know.

[Noirtier]

First, I want to say congrats to you for getting out of your own depression, for realizing that your past shouldn't define your life now. That's an accomplishment, it really is, and I'm glad that you've been able to do that. Now, as for this girl, you've got two options really. I know that she's hurt you deeply, and if you want to just give up on her, no one would blame you. I know you're tired, taxed, out of energy, and that you're ready to give up on her. That's one option. But, if you still care about her, if you truly care about her, then what you need to do is tell an adult and make sure that your friend begins to get the counseling that she needs--because a counselor is the person who could help her most at this point. They're trained to help people through these kinds of things. And the other thing you need to do, is make sure she knows you're there for her, that you care about her, and that you'll be there to support her through this. Which you choose to do is just that: your choice. But just know that you could make a world of difference to this girl, even after all that she's done to you.

[Mortal Coil]

First of all, your girlfriend is being manipulative and emotionally abusive. This isn't to say that she doesn't have reasons to be depressed or that they aren't legitimate, but dangling suicide over someone's head is emotional abuse. I'd recommend telling her parents, caretakers or finding a way to keep her safe (in a ward or something) and get her help. It's important that she is okay, but your mental and emotional health is important too and she should not harm your recovery.

[MrDaniel2K13]

First of all, your girlfriend is being manipulative and emotionally abusive. This isn't to say that she doesn't have reasons to be depressed or that they aren't legitimate, but dangling suicide over someone's head is emotional abuse. I'd recommend telling her parents, caretakers or finding a way to keep her safe (in a ward or something) and get her help. It's important that she is okay, but your mental and emotional health is important too and she should not harm your recovery.
I agree with you?

[qwertygirl]

Congrats on getting out of your depression, and no, you probably didn't get out of it because she got into it.

Also, I think that you should not date her, but you should continue to be there for her, and tell her that you're tired. The last thing you want is for her to think that everybody has given up on her. It's an awful feeling, which I've been having lately.

Anyway I think that you were an incredible boyfriend for sticking with her through such an awful time in her life. And try not to feel so guilty. I know it's going to be painfully hard, but you need to know that this is in fact her problem, not yours. So please try to support her, but keep yourself at a healthy distance so that you can find happiness with a little freedom. I hope she feels better! ♥

First of all, your girlfriend is being manipulative and emotionally abusive. This isn't to say that she doesn't have reasons to be depressed or that they aren't legitimate, but dangling suicide over someone's head is emotional abuse. I'd recommend telling her parents, caretakers or finding a way to keep her safe (in a ward or something) and get her help. It's important that she is okay, but your mental and emotional health is important too and she should not harm your recovery.

In some ways i agree with you. You should get her into a hospital so that she can get the help she needs. And I think that by doing that you'll save her. Whoo.

Anyway i guess she's being manipulative but she probably has no one else that she can really tell/trust. It's hard but that's what depression does to you. Think about it-- is committing suicide something a rational person would do? No, but neither is manipulating someone with it, so try not to find fault in her as well as yourself. It is in no way your fault that she is the way she is.

Please don't double post, use the edit button instead ~DerBear

[ian622]

First, I want to say congrats to you for getting out of your own depression, for realizing that your past shouldn't define your life now. That's an accomplishment, it really is, and I'm glad that you've been able to do that. Now, as for this girl, you've got two options really. I know that she's hurt you deeply, and if you want to just give up on her, no one would blame you. I know you're tired, taxed, out of energy, and that you're ready to give up on her. That's one option. But, if you still care about her, if you truly care about her, then what you need to do is tell an adult and make sure that your friend begins to get the counseling that she needs--because a counselor is the person who could help her most at this point. They're trained to help people through these kinds of things. And the other thing you need to do, is make sure she knows you're there for her, that you care about her, and that you'll be there to support her through this. Which you choose to do is just that: your choice. But just know that you could make a world of difference to this girl, even after all that she's done to you.

First thank you for the time and.... If I want to do the right thing.... then it's not really much of a choice is it?

Congrats on getting out of your depression, and no, you probably didn't get out of it because she got into it.

Also, I think that you should not date her, but you should continue to be there for her, and tell her that you're tired. The last thing you want is for her to think that everybody has given up on her. It's an awful feeling, which I've been having lately.

Anyway I think that you were an incredible boyfriend for sticking with her through such an awful time in her life. And try not to feel so guilty. I know it's going to be painfully hard, but you need to know that this is in fact her problem, not yours. So please try to support her, but keep yourself at a healthy distance so that you can find happiness with a little freedom. I hope she feels better! ♥

I'm not dating her anymore... In fact we kinda stopped talking... If I haven't mentioned that.

Now I do feel guilty.... Because now she's worse than she's ever been and I've been ignoring her... It's just that... simply talking to her talks. And I'm mad at her too... Is this too much distance?

In some ways i agree with you. You should get her into a hospital so that she can get the help she needs. And I think that by doing that you'll save her. Whoo.

Anyway i guess she's being manipulative but she probably has no one else that she can really tell/trust. It's hard but that's what depression does to you. Think about it-- is committing suicide something a rational person would do? No, but neither is manipulating someone with it, so try not to find fault in her as well as yourself. It is in no way your fault that she is the way she is.

The problem is... I don't know how... I tried talking to her about help once... And she threatened me that if I do that she'll just kill herself without hesitation...

She doesn't trust me. She has her friends.. She's not trusting me... she's killing me. It's not fault okay.. I think I've got my grip on that but... What's stopping me from blaming her? Because I know I shouldn't but I can't help but do so sometimes. And it makes me feel shitty and I don't even know..

Please don't double post, use the multi quote feature or the edit button ~DerBear

[qwertygirl]

First thank you for the time and.... If I want to do the right thing.... then it's not really much of a choice is it?



I'm not dating her anymore... In fact we kinda stopped talking... If I haven't mentioned that.

Now I do feel guilty.... Because now she's worse than she's ever been and I've been ignoring her... It's just that... simply talking to her talks. And I'm mad at her too... Is this too much distance?



The problem is... I don't know how... I tried talking to her about help once... And she threatened me that if I do that she'll just kill herself without hesitation...

She doesn't trust me. She has her friends.. She's not trusting me... she's killing me. It's not fault okay.. I think I've got my grip on that but... What's stopping me from blaming her? Because I know I shouldn't but I can't help but do so sometimes. And it makes me feel shitty and I don't even know..

Please don't double post, use the multi quote feature or the edit button ~DerBear

then you should probably give her space, and/or maybe talk to her parents about it maybe? I don't really know at this point, but either way she needs to get help. I think that a hospital would help her get the help that not even you can offer her.
As for feeling guilty about blaming her, so would I. It wasn't cool for her to make you feel like the ENTIRE reason why she tried to kill herself. At this point it's kind of attention whorish, even though I know that sometimes when you have depression you need some attention.
As for the trust, she needs to know that you want to help her, and that she needs to stop acting as if you're the bad guy. Put that however you want, but she needs to hear it. If you can talk to her and she listens, make sure you tell her everything that's on your mind, while keeping it so that no one's at fault.
i hope this helped at all, it probably didn't and I'm sorry about that, but I think that you need to just sit down and have a heart to heart with her.