Columbus
December 29th, 2012, 01:57 AM
I really dont know how I should be feeling over the death of someone I know. It was 7 months ago (during freshman year) that I found out a friend of mine, committed suicide and ever since then I have been having rollercoaster like feelings. To start, last school year was my freshman year in high school at a magnent school that I decided to go to instead of going to my local high school where all my friends went to. Leaving me to have no friends at this school which for me is really hard to make new friends. And the first friend I do make on my second day of high school school was the one who committed suicide. We had the same classes together and eventually became pretty close he would talk to me everyday and he would as much as possible sit with me at lunch when I was alone and would always want to be my partner during group work. He also gave me a nickname from a movie actor that he said I looked like and all in all he was really nice to me. I also eventually made other friends that year to and for once all felt like real people. But this year I found out during school that he died (having pretty much a mental breakdown at school during class) and I was in shock and pretty much depressed after that. He was the first friend I made in high school and felt like a real person to be with. What I do regret though was being to shy around him and I was very awkward and still am but I just wished I wouldnt have been so shy around him and would have talked to him more before he died. There was also a lot of other things going on that year that happend before he died like being harassed and getting getting punched in the head and eventually not talking to my other friends I left behind at my local school who rarely talk to me anymore, all making me regret going to this magnent school after everything that happend.
Now im in my junior year, and the closest friends I have actually ever made were during my freshman year and now they have left to different schools. I still have some people to talk to now and actually made a new friend not to long ago but they know nothing about what happend freshman year or how I feel now. But I still have not gotten over his death but at the same time im also happy and smile around people. I have been focusing mostly on school now but sometime I will think of him in the back of my head which gets me sad and my heart beats really fast but I eventually focus back on school work or being happy around other people. Now im very shy and awkward and get social anxiety when im around other people. Especially going back to the same school and thinking back of all that has happend the freshmen year does not really help. Is all this normal what should I do
Now im in my junior year, and the closest friends I have actually ever made were during my freshman year and now they have left to different schools. I still have some people to talk to now and actually made a new friend not to long ago but they know nothing about what happend freshman year or how I feel now. But I still have not gotten over his death but at the same time im also happy and smile around people. I have been focusing mostly on school now but sometime I will think of him in the back of my head which gets me sad and my heart beats really fast but I eventually focus back on school work or being happy around other people. Now im very shy and awkward and get social anxiety when im around other people. Especially going back to the same school and thinking back of all that has happend the freshmen year does not really help. Is all this normal what should I do