Dunce
December 28th, 2012, 07:55 PM
Can't believe I'm back in these forums :yeah:
So I have been confused for about 4-5 years. I lost interest in boys at about 14, and girls seemed more appealing. A LOT more appealing. So eventually I accepted this after becoming really depressed and fighting with myself over it. Then I was kind of bi, kind of asexual. Like, sometimes I would just hate everyone and not find anyone attractive. After I accepted my lesbian self, I lost interest and became ace, but after a while I'd have feelings for some people. When I liked girls it was the full person, when it was boys I never wanted a relationship.
So I met this guy over the internet, well, not "met". He was cute and I told him he was my tumblr crush and it went from there. Anyway, he's in love with his ex, and even though our feelings became quite real, it still had a feeling of pretence about it. Like, we'd say we wanted to be together or someday we'd meet up or run away, but we both knew it would never happen. So one night (St. Stephens night I think) he wouldn't reply to me. I could see he was online, but I didn't persist in case I was annoying him. That night I felt really down, lying there listening to sad songs, thinking about him.
All of a sudden, a girl from college pops into my mind. :wub:
This girl is not like any girl I have liked before. She's sarcastic, she doesn't act different around boys (which pisses me off SO MUCH, I noticed it in college and went off girls, liked boys more but still didn't want anything), she's hilarious and she's really cute. I realized I was sort of into her like the last day of college, but didn't think much of it since. But I was lying there having waves of intense emotion crash over me. I even cried. Just thinking about her, and thinking about us maybe being together was almost too much. I tol my friend over facebook that I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about a girl. I then decided I wanted to find out if she was straight or not, though I'd have to wait til college.
By the way, this girl I like, I'm not friends with her but I'm around her a lot. She has lots of friends and I'm a loner, she knows who I am because we were introduced at a point, sometimes I see her looking at me and I always presumed she was looking at me thinking "What a loner freak", but one day the possibility popped into my head that maybe she wasn't thinking that at all. Maybe she was wondering about me.
Anyway I woke up the next morning with basically no feelings for her. I think she's cute and funny, but no affection. This is what happened to me the night I decided to embrace my lesbian sexuality. Woke up the next morning and nothing.
This is bumming me out, the feelings I got that night were unbelievable. She's a pretty special girl and it would be great if my feelings came back. I haven't liked anyone in ages.
I'm really frustrated, I can't believe it's happening again. I guess I don't know what I want you guys to say, experience maybe?
EDIT: I'm not sexually attracted to anyone really, unless I've already fallen for them. What I mean is, when I first started finding women attractive, I would be turned on by their body, if some girl touched me I'd get goosebumps, I'd have to try pry my eyes away from girls boobs. Stuff like that. Nope, I don't find anyone attractive. But if they are female and
a)flirt with me (or act flirty even if they're straight)
b)I fall for their personality
Then I can find them attractive.
So I have been confused for about 4-5 years. I lost interest in boys at about 14, and girls seemed more appealing. A LOT more appealing. So eventually I accepted this after becoming really depressed and fighting with myself over it. Then I was kind of bi, kind of asexual. Like, sometimes I would just hate everyone and not find anyone attractive. After I accepted my lesbian self, I lost interest and became ace, but after a while I'd have feelings for some people. When I liked girls it was the full person, when it was boys I never wanted a relationship.
So I met this guy over the internet, well, not "met". He was cute and I told him he was my tumblr crush and it went from there. Anyway, he's in love with his ex, and even though our feelings became quite real, it still had a feeling of pretence about it. Like, we'd say we wanted to be together or someday we'd meet up or run away, but we both knew it would never happen. So one night (St. Stephens night I think) he wouldn't reply to me. I could see he was online, but I didn't persist in case I was annoying him. That night I felt really down, lying there listening to sad songs, thinking about him.
All of a sudden, a girl from college pops into my mind. :wub:
This girl is not like any girl I have liked before. She's sarcastic, she doesn't act different around boys (which pisses me off SO MUCH, I noticed it in college and went off girls, liked boys more but still didn't want anything), she's hilarious and she's really cute. I realized I was sort of into her like the last day of college, but didn't think much of it since. But I was lying there having waves of intense emotion crash over me. I even cried. Just thinking about her, and thinking about us maybe being together was almost too much. I tol my friend over facebook that I couldn't sleep because I was thinking about a girl. I then decided I wanted to find out if she was straight or not, though I'd have to wait til college.
By the way, this girl I like, I'm not friends with her but I'm around her a lot. She has lots of friends and I'm a loner, she knows who I am because we were introduced at a point, sometimes I see her looking at me and I always presumed she was looking at me thinking "What a loner freak", but one day the possibility popped into my head that maybe she wasn't thinking that at all. Maybe she was wondering about me.
Anyway I woke up the next morning with basically no feelings for her. I think she's cute and funny, but no affection. This is what happened to me the night I decided to embrace my lesbian sexuality. Woke up the next morning and nothing.
This is bumming me out, the feelings I got that night were unbelievable. She's a pretty special girl and it would be great if my feelings came back. I haven't liked anyone in ages.
I'm really frustrated, I can't believe it's happening again. I guess I don't know what I want you guys to say, experience maybe?
EDIT: I'm not sexually attracted to anyone really, unless I've already fallen for them. What I mean is, when I first started finding women attractive, I would be turned on by their body, if some girl touched me I'd get goosebumps, I'd have to try pry my eyes away from girls boobs. Stuff like that. Nope, I don't find anyone attractive. But if they are female and
a)flirt with me (or act flirty even if they're straight)
b)I fall for their personality
Then I can find them attractive.