Coping with my past

[misstoria]

Heres my dirty little secret, the secret only a handful of people know. From the time I was 5 to the time I was 12 my cousin molested me. My parents know but chose to put it behind us. I even still see the cousin who did it, he acts like nothing is wrong. It hasn't happened after four years and I don't think it ever will, but it still haunts me. Within the past two years I've gotten very close to my guy best friend and we are pretty much dating. I recently told him and he said it didn't matter, he still loved me. However I still hate myself I feel so dirty and horrible. Sometimes I can't stand to be touched. The boy I love will touch me and I see my cousins face and I just freeze my heart speeds up and I can't breathe. My boyfriend is considerate but I feel myself pushing him away and I don't understand. I know he won't hurt me but I feel myself pulling away. Advice?

[tubanic]

It's good that you feel you can share this with the guy you love. I can totally understand how you feel, I still feel like this after sleeping around. I hate people touching me and I feel that I shouldn't deserve to be loved. But you do. This doesn't change who you are, and the fact that you were molested means that you didn't give consent, it wasn't your fault at all, you shouldn't blame yourself. Tell the boy that you don't like being touched for this reason, and he should understand. If he deserves to have you, he should be considerate enough to take this into account but he won't leave you for it if he really loves you.
Hope you learn to manage with this horrible stuff :)

[qwertygirl]

I understand exactly how you feel. When I was 5-6, this girl two doors down from me touched me. I enjoyed it, but I felt so guilty about for years. I thought I was gay (AT SEVEN) but i continued to do sexual things with girls (I had moved, by coincidence). But you should allow your bf to help you get past this. You should also ask your parents to be more helpful in you getting over this. Maybe ask for some counseling. I hope you get better, feel free to contact me!

[Noirtier]

I'm so sorry that this happened to you hun, and I'm sorry that your parents blew it off like it was nothing. What he did was wrong, and illegal, and when your parents found out it happened they should have taken you to see a counselor to get help coping with it. The fact that they didn't, and that they still make you see the person who did this to you is unacceptable in my book. Talk to them and tell them that you're still having trouble coping, and that you want to see a counselor to talk through and get help for what happened, because it's affecting your relationships today. A counselor is trained to help people through situations like these, and they will be able to help you have a normal relationship with your boyfriend now. I would also talk to your parents and say that you're uncomfortable seeing the person who did this to you, and that you would rather not have to still see him. Also, make sure that your boyfriend understands how much this affected you, and that you would rather not be touched in that manner until you have seen a counselor and they have begun to help you get over it. I'm sorry this happened to you, and if you ever need to talk we're all here to help and support you hun :hug3:

[MrDaniel2K13]

It must have been a traumatic experience

[TheBigUnit]

How much older is ur cuz?
These expirences flash in our minds from our subconscoius minds, kind of like PTSD in soldiers, there are many methods to overcome this, I recommend just talk about this with you bf and let him touch you and stuff, I hate to say this but you should put this behind you, idk how old your cousin was if he was only around ur age or much older but you have to forgive him, I guess you try to avoid him a lot, u should try talking to him, try being friendly with him don't bring up the abuse with him, also like I said earlier overcome the fear from getting touched for it may even become a phobia sounds bit far-fetched but it happens many people develop phobias from various experiences like one lady was afraid of oven b/c when she was young she found a dead rat in it (yuck) but don't be afraid of your bf touching you for he is your bf you shouyld try to overcome