Relationship Advice

[misstoria]

I've been close to my best guy friend for a long time and we are practically dating. Due to the fact that I'm not supposed to date we aren't official but consider each other boyfriend and girlfriend. He's always been very sweet and caring. He treats me like a princess, he understand my baggage, I love him. However lately my friends have gotten worried. I'm not a big PDA person, due to some stuff theres times when I just can't be touched. It's very much held me back when it comes to affection. However my boyfriend is very affectionate. He knows where I stand but continues. I've always accepted this but lately people close to me have gotten worried. We haven't kissed yet, and agreed not to until we are official. However on Friday he tried to kiss me I said no and turned from him and he grabbed my wrist, He pulled me to him forcibly my friend saw it and called to me. He let me go, said goodbye and walked away. This isn't the first time he has grabbed me, but it is the first time someone has pointed it out as violent. Now that I look back I see it, but I still believe he meant nothing by it. Now everyone is worried about me saying it's an abusive relationship, but I don't want to believe it. Any Advice? Is it abusive or normal? What should I do?

[Gandalf]

I've been close to my best guy friend for a long time and we are practically dating. Due to the fact that I'm not supposed to date we aren't official but consider each other boyfriend and girlfriend. He's always been very sweet and caring. He treats me like a princess, he understand my baggage, I love him. However lately my friends have gotten worried. I'm not a big PDA person, due to some stuff theres times when I just can't be touched. It's very much held me back when it comes to affection. However my boyfriend is very affectionate. He knows where I stand but continues. I've always accepted this but lately people close to me have gotten worried. We haven't kissed yet, and agreed not to until we are official. However on Friday he tried to kiss me I said no and turned from him and he grabbed my wrist, He pulled me to him forcibly my friend saw it and called to me. He let me go, said goodbye and walked away. This isn't the first time he has grabbed me, but it is the first time someone has pointed it out as violent. Now that I look back I see it, but I still believe he meant nothing by it. Now everyone is worried about me saying it's an abusive relationship, but I don't want to believe it. Any Advice? Is it abusive or normal? What should I do?

Nobody should put up with an abusive or unhealthy relationship, only you can decide whether he has crossed the line with his actions.

I would suggest telling him how you feel so it's clear, if he can't accept the fact he has to wait then he isn't being a good boyfriend.

If you continue with the relationship don't let it be a habit, you are in control of what you do and anybody who tries to change that isn't worth being in a relationship with.

Since this only happened once or twice I wouldn't call it an abusive relationship per se. He may just have difficulty expressing his affection without the physical intimacy of kissing, and the grabbing may just have been out of frustration and longing for that. -Not that it makes it right or wrong. Only you can judge if he's been out of order or not.

So to summarise, speak to him and try and work things out but never let abuse become a habit. Everybody deserves happiness.

Hope I've helped :)

[FreeFall]

I've been close to my best guy friend for a long time and we are practically dating. Due to the fact that I'm not supposed to date we aren't official but consider each other boyfriend and girlfriend. He's always been very sweet and caring. He treats me like a princess, he understand my baggage, I love him. However lately my friends have gotten worried. I'm not a big PDA person, due to some stuff theres times when I just can't be touched. It's very much held me back when it comes to affection. However my boyfriend is very affectionate. He knows where I stand but continues.
No he doesn't. He doesn't understand sweetheart, he's just saying it. If he did he'd respect, he'd known and understand he's crossing your comfort zone and that you still have boundaries. If you're uncomfortable, say it. If he truly understands and cares for you, he will stop and wait for you.
Do not feel guilty.
Do not be afraid.
It's scary to first raise your voice but this is for you, your benefit. You need to make it known that you have limits and a speed, and none of them are being respected right now. You deserve that respect and consideration from him.
I've always accepted this but lately people close to me have gotten worried. We haven't kissed yet, and agreed not to until we are official.
Your peers are irritating me. Tell them to get their own relationship and their own people to kiss. Your lips are not their own to be concerned over, unless there's a beetle leg sticking out.However on Friday he tried to kiss me I said no and turned from him and he grabbed my wrist, He pulled me to him forcibly my friend saw it and called to me. He let me go, said goodbye and walked away. This isn't the first time he has grabbed me, but it is the first time someone has pointed it out as violent.
Remember your discomfort about being touched? Hunny, he's dangerous. He's not a safe person.
He has no respect for you.
He's seeing you as a possession.
He doesn't consider your feelings.
He's selfish, he's abusive.
He's everything a boyfriend of a broken girl should not be.

He's not showing you he's "sweet, caring" and he's not treating you like a "princess".

Now that I look back I see it, but I still believe he meant nothing by it.
He meant everything by it. I understand, you're in a state of denial. You need to get to a counselor. You need to get better from the past, you need to understand that if you keep picking men like him, you have every chance of ending up dead in a bath tub. This will only escalate. This will only gets worse.
You need to means of protecting yourself and you need the strength to leave this relationship.

He pulled you for a kiss. He denied your comfort ad respect for a kiss. He got abusive and aggressive for a kiss.
What's going to happen when he wants to have anal sex? Please, you're too young to be in a domestic abusive relationship. You're too young to go through what no woman ever should. I'm begging you open your eyes. You sound so much like my friend, it's scary.
Now everyone is worried about me saying it's an abusive relationship, but I don't want to believe it.
You've sealed yourself off from reality. You need to wake up. You're not doing yourself any favors.
Any Advice? Is it abusive or normal? What should I do?
It's abusive.
Very much so in the emotional part, because he KNOWS your past and he just doesn't give a damn.
You need to leave, you need to get out.
My friend, I've made a topic about her, he ex was also emotionally abusive and somewhat physical. She's in a mental help facility right now because of him and will be for awhile. I'm not trying to scare you, and I'm not saying you'll walk her path. But these men are dangerous and they do not love. They do not care, they do not understand and they do not reason. That's why the only line of defense for you is to run. There is nothing else.

Just run hun, run and seek help from a counselor, get therapy, anything that will get your normal meter from the shattered glass it is, to whole. Get yourself to where you can understand, find and enjoy a healthy relationship.

Hunny, you're in an abusive relationship and will only get worse. No matter what, the abuse has been occurring. First the disregard for your comfort and boundaries, touching you despite knowing that all. Yanking you for a kiss. He cannot erase that, do not make excuses for him. Do not let him know he can say jump and you'll start hoping. Do not go official. Please, don't do that to yourself.