Can you be friends with your Ex?

[Ben4ever]

I was once engaged to the love of my life. She was everything I wanted in a partner! I recently came to the realization that I am homosexual. Obviously I couldn't keep lying to her. I broke off our engagement and came clean to her. At first she hated me! For a while I hated myself. It has now been 5 months since I broke it off and we are best friends. she still kisses me and likes to hold my hand and cuddle up to me. I want to state that I did, am, and always will be in love with her. I know she still wants me to be with her. It is ignored mostly, however I know it will boil over some time.
My question is, do you think that you can be friends with your ex? Please share your stories and experiences. Can't wait to hear them:yes:

-Ben

[Jen Jones]

If she is willing to I think it could work. I wouldnt count on it though. But how could she be the love of your life if your gay?

[Ben4ever]

because I felt sexually and romantically attracted to her. I am closer to her than Anyone else in my life.

[FreeFall]

It doesn't sound like you two are "best friends", sounds more like she's sitting here saying "He can return to how he was and we can be engaged again". Sounds like she's hopping you'll either turn around and go back to how things were, live a lie or somehow give into her wanting you to be with her.
Dude, she's still too romantically and emotionally connected and attached for you two to be friends. 5 months after being engaged to the love of your life whom you were about to spend every waking minute with, is not enough time for her to have processed, grieved and moved on into a suitable place to be a friend.

And you know it too, that's what confuses me, you're just waiting for it to boil over? How is that fair to her or to you? Why not take the candle away from the gun powder before it ignites? Give yourselves time to stop being in love with each other, meet other people, and then see if friendship can be?
I'm not seeing a friendship, I'm seeing a girl clinging to what she used to have a guy who doesn't seem to care he's just happy she's in his life.

On the topic, I myself cannot be friends with ex's. I tired. I got nothing beneficial out of it, only stress and pain. I've come to reason that since friendship was not my ideal relationship with them and friends is not what I wanted to be with them, then friendship I shall not have. I get attached, it's easier on me and my emotions to just cut myself from them. I can be civil. It was awkward when my ex's and I would be in the same class, let alone partners, but I treated them as I would a kid I'd known since 1st grade. It works better for me and my life if I just meld myself and them into the background noise.

[ackmedsgirl666]

She's weak at this point and still recovering
Probably. Not the best solution for her right. Now

[Eric57]

Whether or not you can be friends with your exes depends on who you are and how long the relationship lasted. If you dated for like a month, then sure, I think it's possible to be friends. If you dated for years and were engaged, then no, I don't think it's possible. I think it's possible for YOU to be friends with her because you realized you are gay and don't want her, but at this point in time, I don't think it is possible for HER to be friends with you. From what you are saying, she is still emotionally and physically attached to you.

If you ask me, I think you should cut ties with her. By staying friends with her, all you are doing is giving her false hope and causing her more pain. You say she still likes to kiss you, hold hands, cuddle, etc. That is not friendly behavior. That is what you do in a relationship and you are romantically involved with someone. Why let her continue to do it if you have broken things off and now realize you are gay? All it's doing it giving her hope that you will change and that if she continues to do those things you'll want to be with her again.

As hard as it may be, I think it's best to cut ties. Not speak for awhile. Coming from someone who has tried to be friends with an ex, it is not possible after only 5 months. It takes time. She needs to move on and find other guys. She won't be able to do that if she continues to be with you, hug you, kiss you, cuddle with you, etc. Like I said, I think it's best to cut ties. It will be hard, but it's the best thing to do. In the long run it will be better for both of you, mostly her, but it will be beneficial to you as well.

[prob1996]

In your case, yes I think you guys can still be friends. She might have some lingering feelings and you should be aware of this and tread carefully with touching and kissing and stuff.
I've been wondering the same thing though. I recently broke up with my ex and he wants to be friends. He says he's over it already and has moved on. I know I still have feelings for him. I'm just not sure if I can or is it right?

[ali98]

I am in deep friendship with most of my ex boy/girlfriends. The trick is to split before is too late (and before having another boy/girlfriend)

[Ben4ever]

Thank you!

[Abyssal Echo]

If you are on good terms when you break up I dont see why you can't remain friends.

[Iron Man]

Absolutely yes, you can be friends with your ex. (Prepare for a long story, those that know me best have heard it a million times):

My first girlfriend, Brittany, knew me since childhood. She only came back into my life last year. We only dated for 3 weeks, because she didn't feel the spark anymore. Since then, we really haven't gone a day without talking. She's my best friend, and I will always love her. I wouldn't mind getting back together with her, but it is a challenge. She has even told me that I'm her rock; I've kept her sane through all of her hard times.

[PinkFloyd]

If you think it can work, then go for it!

[sieg]

it takes an incredible amount of will power on both ends
im struggling to do just that right now. it will boil over eventually,
maybe soon? she's always gonna want the old, straight you back.
beware my friend, just be wary.

[anyone50]

I'm thinking it would work for you much better than for her because you have already made a choice to be friends and leave it at that but from what you say it sounds like she thinks if being your friend she might still win you back and all that will lead to is more sadness and anger on her part when it bever happens good luck with it

[CharlieFinley]

Just out of curiosity, are you positive you're gay, rather than bisexual?

[Ben4ever]

I am very positive! :wub:

[Ben4ever]

New development. I was in love with her from the female perspective!

[azngurl]

I don't think so.

[Jess]

Yes you could still be friends with your ex, especially if the breakup goes "well", as in you both feel the relationship isn't going well.

[StoneColdNicky]

New development. I was in love with her from the female perspective!

Well, it's still tough. How are things going with you? I do think that its possible to remain friends with an ex. The trouble is, it might take time to get over the break up. I hope you guys have been able to work through things and focus on the good times you had together.

[Ben4ever]

We don't speak anymore.

[Ben4ever]

We have started speaking again! We are becoming really great friends again!

[Jess]

We have started speaking again! We are becoming really great friends again!

That's great! :)

[sqishy]

No reason why not. Breaking up is bringing the love down to friendship, not total separation. Sadly quite a few relationships end this way, but you don't have to make that happen.