My Battles with self harm and even drug addictions.

[theogpickle]

Well im new and im about a month from being 18. Im a guy senior in HS and ive been cutting on and off since 7th grade. i actually started as a way to "fit in" with people i was hanging out with... Now i know this sound absolutely absurd but its true.. Anyway i cut everyday. Its bad too not just scratches im talking deep gashes all over my arms and chest. I started smoking weed around 16 and that made me stop cutting for a while. But soon enough i was back to my old habits.. Things weren't going so great i just lost my gf and i was feelin like shit. So i cut and i made me feel better. then i was depressed again.. so i smoked a couple hitters (i was just starting then it didnt take much at all) i felt great for a couple hours then (you guessed it) i cut again this time much worse than before. I've tried to kill myself more than once that nobody really knows about. If my parents ever found out id be locked in a padded room for the rest of my life T.T it didnt work obviously and im still cutting like i used to. my parents have yet to notice anything. they know i get high all the time but they dont know im trying to forget all the anguish inside me... god why did i ever start this! ITS ABSOLUTE TORTURE!!!! I wish i could stop but everytime i try i feel like all my rage and depression starts eating away at me from the inside its a physical pain inside me when i quit... Im totally lost about what to do. im constantly smoking nowadays. like ill smoke a blunt in the morning amd finish the day with 5 or 6 in me (this is in like 4 or 5 hours) i try to sleep alot but that isnt working out to well... I need help which is why im here. so if you could give me some advice. anything to make the pain go away... please just make it go away.......

[Noirtier]

Let me say a few things. First, you have to want to get better. And I think that you do. So, take things one step at a time. Pick either getting high or cutting, and start trying to quit just ONE of those, and once you've been able to drop one habit start working on the other. Both at the same time is too much for your body, and really rarely works trying to quit both at the same time. I would definitely recommend talking to a counselor at your school or going to see a psychologist to talk some of this out, because the pain is completely overwhelming you. They are trained to help you and help people in situations like this, to talk through the pain and help you find healthy ways to cope, while also helping you get over the pain and heal. As for what to do when trying to stop, do everything you can to distract yourself and your mind. Watch a movie, or tv, read a book, talk to someone. Drawing/art and writing are big ways to help get your emotions out in a healthy way as opposed to cutting, and they can be major tools in quitting as well as making you feel better. Listen to music, do whatever you can to distract your mind from everything that's going on inside it. You've been through a lot, and it's hard, I know it is hun. Again, I definitely recommend at the very minimum talking to your school counselor, because they can help. And if you ever need anything, we're all here to help and support you! :hug3:

[tubanic]

You need to tell someone you trust, get it all out. It's good you've come here, because this is the first stage of getting better. Tell someone you trust, then seek professional mental help. Or just go and get support from a professional straight away.
Instead of cutting, talk to someone you trust, if you feel you can't do this, ring a helpline.
When you need the pain and release you get from cutting, try holding ice-cubes really tight or hitting pillows. Internet and therapists can give you lots more things like this.
The advice above is really good aswell.
Hope everything gets better for you :)