Christmas

[Fiction]

I don't really know how to start, it's a long time since i've needed to make a post.

The last few days i've been gradually getting worse mentally. I'm just dreading the next few days, the whole Christmas thing. I don't even know why. I don't have any particularly bad memories of Christmas, well I do I suppose but not specifically about Christmas. The last 2 years i've had two suicide attempts, 20th of January and 7th of February. Christmas, both years, has marked the point where I go on my real downfall. This year has been different to other years though. I've been better than I have been but i've still struggled at times, but I don't understand why since it's been better i'm still feeling like this.

I'm dreading the next few days and I keep thinking about death again. Not as seriously as previous years, but it's still there and it scares me. I had a nightmare last night about going through another suicide attempt and those are the worst kind of nightmares that I have :/

But the strange thing is is these feelings don't seem to have any cognitive cause. It's not thoughts of the past that's making me feel like this, the emotions are just there, and it's these emotions that are leading to the thoughts, not the other way around.

I just don't understand, and I don't want to feel like this and it just doesn't seem fair. I just want to be able to look after myself and cope for once :/

[qwertygirl]

Hi, well first of all it's good that you have gotten better, any accomplishment is big, not matter how small or insignificant it may seem.

Now, to your problem. I obviously don't know what exactly is going on, but I hope that you are able to figure out the cause and go on from there. Sit down and have a true heart to heart with yourself. Ask yourself "has anyone done anything to me?" "Am I revisiting another dark time in my life?" "Are all of my relationships going well?" "Is this particular struggle in my life causing me this much pain?" I know it always helps me when I ask myself things of that sort.

When you know what the problem is, talk to someone, your parents, a friend, your therapist (of you have one), and get the necessary help. I know this won't make Christmas much better, seeing as tomorrow IS Christmas, but if you can get some help sooner than later, you can feel better soon!

Merry Christmas, I hope this helped at all, I know i'm not a therapist.

[ItzMattxD]

Hi Kathy, I have been through past a past suicide attempt. What your going through is perfectlly normal when it comes to these situations. Your having anxiety becuase your marking the time as an aniversary of the past that is regardless if you really feel it is or isnt, making you upset. Your body and mind is saying "this is the time everything went to hell" and your just nervous. You want it to not happen again, you want to move foward. PROGRESS! But you need to also realize the anxiety and fear will go away. As long as you can overcome your stress and fear i assure you your nightmares will linger and go away. Its as simple as saying "im done being afraid, this time its different". Make a stand. And everyone here i assure you can help pull you closer to the goal of making it past anxiety and fear and you will live a long, happy, life. :)

Please stay strong and be optimistic.

-Matthew.

[Fiction]

Thanks both of you.

I think i'm starting to feel slightly better now that it's almost over. At least I think... but we'll see.

I hope you're right Matt, it seems a shame to hate Christmas when everyone else seems to really like it :/