Guilt from the past

[Katzen]

Hi there,

From time to time I have some guilt issues with an action I took a few years ago when I was much more of a kid (2008). The neighbor/friend of a friend was the one who suffered from my action and sometimes, when I see him, I feel sort of a need to repair the damage I did

My friends (two brothers), his neighbor/friend (younger brother's friend) and I were having some good time on the pool on a June afternoon in '08, I was about 14 and they were 13/12.

We played ball and the two (younger brother and neighbor) began to throw balls at us.
I got angry, and I lifted the neighbor and carried him to a shower with really cold water near the pool, and put him into the cold water. Being sort of brutal, he didn't like this.

Before that he used to go to their home a lot, and after that, according to my friend, he hasn't sat foot since. I am curious and sometime ask about how's the neighbor and he once sad that in a conversation he though I was mental (the impression was quite right, as I was quite brutal).

Why writing this? I paid a visit off to HS and saw them, was able to conversate. I felt some coldness with the neighbor.

So I am suffering some sort of guilt of destroying bits of someone's infancy (come one, not setting foot on a friend's house because he thinks I will be there to put him in the cold shower again) and some sort of manly honor thing (he thinks I am mental, not good for reputation).
And well... He is quite a blonde and attractive (happen to have some physical attraction to boys).

[Troy35216]

it's never too late to say your sorry. doesn't mean he will be willing to hear it or will accept it but even if he doesn't now, he'll know you said it and maybe later he can accept it. and maybe he WILL accept it. i say go for it

[Steve Jobs]

I'm right there with you! Many years ago, I did something pretty horribly nasty. Without going into too much detail, I lied myself out of it. My parents basically told me, "We'll take your word for it, but if you did do it and want to deny it further, it's only going to make it worse". I literally thought at that time I'd only be getting into a lot more trouble. The thing that's really stuck with me though is the amount of guilt I feel from time to time. It really lets me down and I wish I did differently.

If you have the chance to apologize, definitely do, or at least sort things out. Relax a little, have some time to yourself to think some things out.

For him to hold a grudge for you this long would probably mean you did something truly horrific, and it doesn't sound like you did. Talk to him - he might react differently than you'd expect :D

[FreeFall]

I supported you, until it took a turn down selfish lane.

Apologize to him because you want to ease any fear or pain or damage you've done to him.
Not because you want your guilt to go away. Not because you don't want people think you're mental. Not because you think he's cute. Your apology is not for you or your benefit, it's for the person you have wronged.
So go ahead, say sorry, but it won't mean anything unless you're doing it for him and the right reasons.