Is He Gay? Help!

[nyboy]

Looking for some advice...

I'm gay. My best friend is straight, or at least for the last two years we have been friends he has claimed to be.

He know's I am gay and has been a great friend to me, he also know's that I am in love with him. Here is where I am confused:

Recently we went on a short trip together where we shared a bed. The first night after much debate I decided to put my arm around him in bed while he was sleeping and "spoon" or cuddle with him, whatever. He didn't wake up, I fell asleep with him in my arms, a few hours later we both wake up, he makes no attempt to remove my arm from him, so I ask him if its ok, I make sure I'm not crossing the line, he assures me he doesn't mind and that all is well, we go back to sleep. Every night for the remainder of the trip he fell asleep in my arms.

Reminder, I am gay, and in love with him, and he knows this. He is straight. Or is he? I feel like that this isn't a very straight thing to do? I'm just really confused and any advice or opinions would be appreciated...



(we also went to the steam room where i asked him if he minded if i went in naked, he said no, and then i asked him to join me, and he said, sure why not) --this i don't think is that weird.

I'm more confused about wether or not someone who's really straight would let there gay friend who is in love with them cuddle with them....


HELP:wub:

[Maverick]

This is a complicated situation. None of us can say whether he is gay or straight because we are not mind readers. If he has said clearly he is straight then you should consider him straight, regardless of your doubts. It wouldn't be a good idea to pry him and try to find an answer you want to hear. All you can do is base what you know off what he says. He is obviously very comfortable around you therefore there shouldn't be any reason for him to lie. Or he may not be comfortable with being labeled gay or "in the closet."

Obviously me or anyone that might post can only speculate. It's not good to be presumptuous. If he says he is straight then you should consider him straight unless he tells you otherwise. Therefore you shouldn't make advances towards him because you might cross the line and you don't want your friendship ruined.

[Whisper]

this could go MANY ways depending on him and his personality
but I agree fully with ant
if he says that hes straight then case closed
cause crossing the line can make things extremely uncomfortable for him espically
and ruin your friendship forever
respect his decision

[Antares]

Very true. We have no way of knowing for sure becuase we dont know him but all I can say is that you should either take his word for it or try to ask him. There isnt much you can do in the situation that might not test the waters but try to either attempt to ask (VERY AWKWARD!) or just assume he is straight. But there still is that possibility that you are right and possibly you will never know. Time may tell...

[lalalalala]

If he said hes straight, he most probably is.
Im gay and told one of my straight friends, i know for a fact that hes straight but he still hugs me and stuff like that. Unless your friend actually comes to you and says hes gay or bi, leave it that hes straight and treat him as such. Otherwise you might lose him for good.

[Patchy]

I would just go with what he says...I suspect some of my mates are gay but they say they are straight so I respect and go with what they say.

[LateForTheSky]

Why do u at such a young age need to label ourselves. Unless u are gay/str8/bi with out a doubt and have never thought about this question to urself then why do u need to say u are one of these i think we should have a new genre, how about Undisclosed. I like the sound of the there is no stigma attached to that (well for the time being) i find it intollerable for people to think they can be put under pressure to make a decision on their sexuality as its not a choice but something that becomes clear over time. So that what I have to say

[Glasgow]

Yeah i agree with everyone else. Although i know i wouldnt feel comfortable knowing that my gay friend has his arm around me and enjoys doing it. Maybe hes just more laid back than I am, i dunno. Maybe you should ask him again

[byee]

I think you should take him at his word that he is straight.

But, it also seems that he really likes you, too. But not in a sexual way, the way you might feel towards him. Straight guys can 'love' other guys, just not in 'that' way. This is perhaps what's going on here. You obviously have a very special friend who is secure enough with himself and who he is to accept you as you are, and still enjoy demonstrating his (non sexual) affection towards you in a close (cuddly) way. Don't ruin it by pressing the issue.

[Sage]

Chances are if he were gay and you told him you yourself were gay, he would feel comfortable enough to admit it. It wouldn't be too unfair to assume he's telling the truth when he says he's straight. : )

[Chrisownsu]

Wow I think your really lucky having a friend like that.
and i would hope my friend is like that, but it would be complicated asking him cause u really wouldnt want to ruin what was happening before that.
Id jus try to go with the flow, i mean if he knows ur gay and is really comfortable with that, id just go around the boundary line more, but id be careful