Hard Choice, Please help?

[spw184]

Ok so this is probably going to sound silly to most of you, usually people can deal with these things fine. I've never really had a relationship before, and im a sophmore in highschool. Part of the reason is because im gay, but part of the reason is because I get clingy and obsessive, and tend to overthink things, as I am probably doing at the moment. Regardless it seems I have reached a dillemma, and I don't know what to do.

I really don't feel like making a huge post, so I'll make this short, im sure if you want details (which im sure you won't) you can just ask and I will fill you in.

There are two boys.
One is an open bisexual, skater boy type. We've only talked for about two months now and met through my friend. We really like each other and have gone on a couple dates to sushi and ect. We've shared beds and cuddled ect, haven't kissed or had sex yet though. We do not consider ourselves dating. In fact, he has a girlfriend. Don't ask me what the hell is up with that, I don't know. I really like him.

The other is a closet bisexual, farmer boy. We've known each other for three years, and are pretty good friends. I just found out he was bisexual, but the way he said it I am leaning towards that he is bi-curious. I have had a crush on him for about three years. I really like him.

So, two questions.

One, should I tell farmer boy that I heard he was bisexual, and that I really like him and invite him out to dinner or something? If so, Should I do it face to face or via email or text? If not, what should I do?

Second, What should I do in general? I really like both these guys but obviously I can't have both. What my friends have suggested was that since they are seperate, and go to seperate schools, ect, I should keep talking to both of them, and if one doesn't turn out I have the other. That doesn't seem very moral, but I guess I could do it.

[Gwen]

I'd suggest asking your friend in person but if you don't have the confidence to do it, this is a technological world asking people online is still a valid option.

I'd suggest to go after you friend first and since neither are in contact you can go for the other. Don't bother yourself too much on moral values but I admire your thought about it

[FreeFall]

Are you serious? This is what you're having trouble with? Whether or not you can "have" both guys in that fucked up "talking" stage and not get caught? No. You're either an item or not. Whether you're an official item doesn't matter, if others see you together and you both are on the same page, then you are an item. If you're not official then you're just open, and are you willing to share? Seems like it since you're cuddling up to a guy that has a girlfriend.

Which brings me to this, you're worried about morals when you're snuggling up to a guy that is borderline cheating in an almost psychical, probably already in a emotional affair with you? You're right, you guys aren't dating and you guys won't be. Unless he's in an open relationship and his relationship agrees for him to have a boyfriend;
you're his little mistress with nothing to gain from him.

Farmer boy is bothering me. I just found out he was bisexual, but the way he said it I am leaning towards that he is bi-curious. but then should I tell farmer boy that I heard he was bisexual
How do you go from "I found out he's bi" to "So I heard he was bi"? Yes, he's either curious, is or isn't, but how did you find this out about your good friend of 3 years?

Either way, do it face to face, it's only fair and shows you actually care about him and won't be hiding behind a screen of pixels or the phone. Don't bring up his sexuality for him. Not too many people like it when other's say "so I heard..." unless it's information everyone knows, which you don't seem to be concrete on.
Just come right out. Tell him you like him, have liked him, and would like to get to know him much better over dinners and such. It should help him see that you're safe, if he's bi or curious about guys, you're a safe person to explore with. It shouldn't put him on the defensive if he doesn't want people knowing about his sexuality yet because you didn't come right out to state it as some talk of the town. It also will help you see his stance on his sexuality, closeted or not bi or whatever, so it will help you.

Lastly. If you get a date with farmer boy, drop skater boy. I mean drop him. You do not get both, don't buy that "they'll never know" bull and they aren't drinks to pick from. If both of them know you, there's plenty of ways for them to know each other. And if you care for them and yourself, you won't risk crossing wires, pick one. And if one doesn't work out, don't go for the other because you have him in the other hand. That's sleezy.
No reason for you to help farmer boy out of the closet/explore his sexuality and then BOOM you're cheating on him with someone that has a girlfriend, and you're doing it knowingly. You'd be both the home-wrecker and cheater because you'd be aware of it all, don't do that to farmer boy who's new in this field of sexuality and dating. That would only break his heart, show him (that wonderful line girls like to scream) "guys are dirty cheaters no matter what" and he'd risk being one those people that fear having their heart broken by someone they trusted and probably retreat back into the closet.

In the end you're going to do whatever you feel like doing. But my words are meant to help you think and hopefully help you think into the path you feel is right for you.

[Stryker125]

I'd say whoever you ask out, it should probably be in person. Though there's nothing wrong with doing it online either.

Whoever you ask, just be honest about it. Just let them know you like them and would just like to go do something. With farmer boy, since he's still in the closet, you might just wanna ask to hangout, and maybe bring it up later. Whatever you do, I hope it goes well :)

[Taryn98]

First, always ask people out face to face or at least on the phone, never use texting or email. It's a sign that you lack confidence.

Second, pursue one of these relationships. Ask one out and see how it goes. Keep the other as strictly a friend. If you try to date one of them and it doesn't work out, then you can pursue someone else. That's how dating goes.
Good luck

[Mysterious Skin]

OMG you get clingy and obsessive? Me to :D:D:D:D:D:D.

anyway, This skater dude is taken, like it or not he is. Don't be the other guy. Imagine how it would feel if you found out your partner was cheating on you with someone of the same sex? (or the opposite sex if you're homosexual) it would be utterly humiliating and a metaphorical SLAP IN THE FACE.

Second, never "tell" anyone you heard/know anything about their sexuality, trust me it burns. especially if they are trying their hardest to stay in the closet. do what you normally do with someone you like. get closer to them, give all the appropriate signals that you like them. Boys like to be in control of any given situation (that's what makes guy on guy relationships just that much harder!) so you have to give HIM the opportunity to decide if he wants to reveal any feeling he has for you. And stay away from non face-to-face communication. it's a cowards way out (sorry had to be said)