What to do?

[Appleton6]

I've done a lot of bad stuff this year and hurt alot of people that i love making me lose them which has put me in a bad place. I think I may have developed depression and I don't know what to do about it. I could never tell my family and I've never been good at talking to people about stuff about me. One of my best friends knows but it's hard to try and explain to her the full extent of how I feel. She got quite worried at one point and wanted me to go talk to someone at school about it but I know I wouldn't be able to do that. How do I get through this on my own because so far this aching in my chest is swallowing me?

[happinessisoverrated]

First of all, you need to develop a support system. A few people that you can trust and rely and that you can talk to about this. Try to really push yourself to open up to your friend, because if she's left in the dark she'll probably worry more and she may tell someone. Also, I've found, when you have people you can go to when you're in a bad place it can be really helpful because then you don't feel alone anymore and such.

Second of all, if you're unsure of whether or not you've developed depression, research the symptoms and effects of it. After you better understand the illness and you still think you might have it, call a hotline such as kids help phone and talk openly about it. They have trained psychologists on the other line that can talk you through it and help you get through it. As long as you're not a danger to yourself or others, I don't think they can send anyone to your house or anything.

If you do feel that you're a danger to yourself, always make sure that you're not alone. Stay in the same room as your parents or something to make sure that you won't harm yourself. Distance yourself from sharp or otherwise dangerous objects. Abraham Lincoln became depressed after his son died and made sure that he was never around any knives so that he didn't kill himself, and I think that's a pretty good method.

Make sure that you have a healthy way to release all this stress and pain. For instance, hard excercise, writing, drawing, hitting pillows, screaming at the top of your lungs, etc.

Your depression may never fully leave you, but if you do these things then hopefully you'll feel a bit better in your every day life.

I hope this helps you. I know how it feels, I've been there, and I want you to know that you're not alone. If you need anything just pm me and I'll be there.
Best of luck!

[Appleton6]

I've done some research before and I'm pretty sure that it's depression. My friend helps as much as she can and thank you your reply makes a lot of sence.

[tubanic]

I would say go and seek some professional help, see a doctor or a psychiatrist. Tell them everything and if you're right and it is depression, they can give you meds and therapy to help you.
Good luck

[Appleton6]

I don't want my family to know so I don't know how I can see some one. I also struggle talking to people. Two of my best friends know, one of them was the one that made me realise what was up but I don't want to tell her anymore because I'm putting a lot on her. The other one is the one I talk to know that wants me to talk to some one, she said she'd go with me to see some one but I don't think I could. I want it all to stop though now I think I've been punished enough for what I did.

[tubanic]

You don't deserve to be punished!!
Really, go and see someone at school if there is a therapist or a councellor there. You're in England, so getting help is free, you can see your GP without your parents knowing the details. It's really difficult talking to people about this personal stuff to a stranger to start off with, but it's really worth it, you've got to tell them everything. You can take your friend with you if you want.
Please act on this, you need to feel better :)

[Appleton6]

Thank you for your help, I'm really grateful.