The "L" word...

[chuck88w]

A few weeks ago, my best friend and I ended up giving bj's to each other and mutual hj's....which was awesome. Last night, it went further and we had full-on sex. In the middle of it, he kissed me and said he loved me. I dont want to be to graphic, but when that is going on, how are you supposed to respond? I felt as though if I didn't say it back, I was going to be the bad guy. I do care for him a great deal, we've been friends for 8 years, but I'm not sure I'm at the "love" point...in the way that he meant it when he said. Could it just have been something in the moment, just because I let him be with me and take my virginity? I'm kinda confused. I don't regret anything, and I enjoyed the whole experience...it was the first time for both of us. I just don't want it to have been said, because we were doing it.

[Aajj333]

Probably just been something of the moment

[Lost in the Echo]

Well, if you don't love him that way, then I think the best thing to do is be honest with him, and tell him you don't have those kind of feelings for him, and you just want to be friends.

[StoppingTime]

Puberty :arrow: Teen Sexuality; this fits better there. :)

[Elvalight]

*squeeeeee!* that's so...*ehem* sorry for uh, being a girl in this situation, but wow, that sounds *holds imaginary teddy bear* ma gawsh! I know ur probably really confused, but the fact that u were even ok with it should b enough. I mean, sure, you most likely r having( MAJOR) mixed feeli'ns and what not, but it sounds to me like he meant it :3 (*** I have experience***) so dunno worry, talk to some close people( or yahoo! :D) and just let your own mind decide. Just think, what do YOU feel and what do YOU want? U can't be pressured into anything and it's YOUR choice. I'm with whatever choices u make, just "keep calm and carry on"! May seem like I don't really belong here, but I'm pretty sure I'm a lez, so yeah <:3

[TigerBoy]

I think its really easy to worry about 'knowing' whether you are in love. There's no magic signal to tell you 'this is it'. If you have deep and strong feelings for someone, its not going to hurt either of you to say the words. If it expresses how you are feeling at the time, just say it. If you've been close for as long as you have, and close enough to share each other as you have, then 'love' doesn't seem inappropriate.

Don't over-think it, love is about letting your feelings out.

[KillerKing]

Is it possible you may have misunderstood the meaning? Like, he was saying he loves your sex? XD I don't know how to word it, but, like, ehm, like, he was loving what you were both doing and your body, more than he loves you on an emotinal level.

Why not just ask him? Or if you said it back, apologise if he got a different meassage and explain your feelings.

[chuck88w]

Well we had a talk about the entire situation. I asked to have it outside the bedroom, somewhere in the open, so it wasn't about the sex thing. I asked him what he meant when he said it. He said he couldn't describe the exact meaning...but it wasn't just about the sex. There were actual love feelings, and it was okay if I wasn't there yet. He said take as much time as I needed and that things wouldn't change, friendship wise. If I didn't want to have sex or do anything with him while figuring things out that was cool too. He would be there no matter what the decision. I smiled, grabbed his hand and we just sat and watched people walk by. it was nice

[Skyhawk]

Well that's good. It's nice having an understanding friend.

[Sean4U]

oh Chuck you have a good friend there....he obviously is more emotional than you are at this time...and wanted you to know that it wasn't just the fact that he was "doing" you but that he has feelings....not all sex has to have emotions, but some people only have sex when they have an emotional attachment as he seems to you....if he can accept the sex without the emotion, you are the one to make the determination on where you go from here.....best of luck Chuck...I know how it is bellieve me...

[Twilly F. Sniper]

This is just strange, idk here really. Something in me thinks this would make more sense if it was a dream.

[katebelanger]

he either meant it if he really loves you other than sex. he meant it.

[chuck88w]

The comment made by KevinCool26 has really been irritating me. I apologize if this topic has offended anyone...but I thought this site was for teens of both sexes to have a place to come to and be able to talk about things without being judged. I believed that Kevin's comment was stated in a way that my question/situation was not genuine or real, and its comments like that that stop people from opening up and talking about what is bothering them or confusing them. I thank everyone else for their opinions, but I think I will just keep any further questions or issues to myself from now on.

[DerBear]

This is just strange, idk here really. Something in me thinks this would make more sense if it was a dream.

If you don't have anything helpful to say then please keep all comments to yourself. We're a teen help site where teens can ask questions or give advice to those who need it. So please, if you don't have anything helpful then please keep opinions like above to yourself in future as it doesn't help anyone. If you wish to comment on what I've said then please feel free to send me a private message.

The comment made by KevinCool26 has really been irritating me. I apologize if this topic has offended anyone...but I thought this site was for teens of both sexes to have a place to come to and be able to talk about things without being judged. I believed that Kevin's comment was stated in a way that my question/situation was not genuine or real, and its comments like that that stop people from opening up and talking about what is bothering them or confusing them. I thank everyone else for their opinions, but I think I will just keep any further questions or issues to myself from now on.

You are correct we are a place for teens to come and help one and other without being judged and I apologize if you have been offended by what others have been said. However please next time if you would just report comments like above and moderators can deal with it as then it will avoid public arguments from braking out.

Now to your original question: I think your friend said he loves you because he was either (A) Caught up in the moment or (B) because he really feels this way about you. Sex can be different for many people. Some take it very intimate and see it as love. Others do it for the pleasure and the fun that sex can have.

My advice would be if you don't love him, tell him because really you don't want to string him along thinking that you do love him if you don't. Maybe he might not be happy with that answer but at least you will both be on the same page.

[towerscookie]

he might love you you guys have been friends for 8 years feeling developed

[chuck88w]

DerBear -- Thank you for your response. I apologize for not taking the appropriate path on how to handle this situation. It is noted for future reference. And thanks for your advice as well. It your message, you have restored my faith in this site. Thank you again.

[Magnus Bane]

i think you shouldn't worry about it. it was probably in the moment kinda thing. if he says it again when your not having sex then thats when you tell him your not at the "love" point yet

[deanbrodi]

Your could've said something like "and I like you very much also." I think he meant it, & he's ready to go out with you, even though you might feel you've rushed into things a bit. Don't forget though, you've been friends for 8 years. So don't worry about it.

[Aidoon123]

I think it was just in the moment. Maybe he does love you and you may even love him back ( thats cute ) but, it might just mean that you really like eachother

[nick]

A few weeks ago, my best friend and I ended up giving bj's to each other and mutual hj's....which was awesome. Last night, it went further and we had full-on sex. In the middle of it, he kissed me and said he loved me. I dont want to be to graphic, but when that is going on, how are you supposed to respond? I felt as though if I didn't say it back, I was going to be the bad guy. I do care for him a great deal, we've been friends for 8 years, but I'm not sure I'm at the "love" point...in the way that he meant it when he said. Could it just have been something in the moment, just because I let him be with me and take my virginity? I'm kinda confused. I don't regret anything, and I enjoyed the whole experience...it was the first time for both of us. I just don't want it to have been said, because we were doing it.

Well we had a talk about the entire situation. I asked to have it outside the bedroom, somewhere in the open, so it wasn't about the sex thing. I asked him what he meant when he said it. He said he couldn't describe the exact meaning...but it wasn't just about the sex. There were actual love feelings, and it was okay if I wasn't there yet. He said take as much time as I needed and that things wouldn't change, friendship wise. If I didn't want to have sex or do anything with him while figuring things out that was cool too. He would be there no matter what the decision. I smiled, grabbed his hand and we just sat and watched people walk by. it was nice
It sounds like your friend loves you. Yes, in the first case he could have said the L word just in the heat of the moment, because it seemed the right thing to say. But even then he had no actual need to say it, he chose to say it. Maybe he had been wanting to say it for some time, you allowing him to get so intimate just freed his inhibition and allowed him to say it.

You say he has given you time to stop and think, you need to use it well. Think what you want, what is your motivation here. Is it just recreational sex, friends with benefits, or is there more to it. Only you can know that. And when you do know you need to be honest with him. Don't let him think it's love if it's not.

Good luck :)