xarvon1412
December 16th, 2012, 12:14 AM
I'm just not sure what to do anymore...my life is a wreck. I never have been a happy person, bullied since first grade. Constantly bruised and hurt, they cut me, punched me, and kicked me. They told me that I would never amount to anything and now I'm pretty sure they're right. The only person that ever made me feel like I was actually a person rather than a punching bag was a girl, we'll call her Angel. Angel and I have been friends since fourth grade, when she first came and talked to me. Ever since then I've just known that she's the one. I know, a stupid teenager that thinks he's in love but he doesn't know what love is, well I think that's bullshit that teenagers don't know what love is, because I love Angel, I love her with everything that I have. Eventually, after fighting through years of distance and an asshole of a boyfriend (hers) we finally were able to start dating. I told her everything. My anorexia, my suicidal thoughts, my insomnia, I never told her about my scars though...She told me about her past, and she told me about her self-harmful behavior. I managed to talk her out of hurting herself because I just couldn't stand watching her be in any pain. Then...after nine months of dating she broke up with me...She gave me a note that said that she wasn't ready for a boyfriend and that she wouldn't date for high school and for a while after that. She told me that she loved me...that she would love me forever. She also wrote that we could be close friends, well I've texted her four times since then and I haven't gotten a reply. She seems a lot happier now, so that's good but what about me? I'm left all alone. Alone. I cut a lot more frequently now, at least four or five cuts everyday. My chest, my wrists, my hands...Many suicide thoughts. As I stand there every night, looking at my depression pills that are supposed to be "helping" I think, why not take more than just one? How about five? Ten? Twenty? I just can't do it though. Not for me, but for my family and friends. They would have never known why...I just...don't know where to go from here. I don't want to be without her, I don't want to be alone anymore...Damn it all...