really need some advice :(

[Jimmy Page]

I'm just repeating myself so if you've heard it before you close the tab,sorry for the inconvenience
My first bf killed himself nearly two years ago
It still haunts me,all the things I could have done to prevent it,spoken to him about it,noticed the signs,taken the phone when he called...
All these thing have been on my mind since the day it happened,and every day a small piece of me rots away because of it
I'm closing in on.the point where I can not live with myself anymore,I know most of you think that I'll get through it but I can't,I've spent two years trying to process it but I'm still punishing myself over it,I can't anymore,I'm tired,so very tired
All I want is to sleep,finally get some sleep,and never to wake again,to be taken away lightly at night,and if that doesn't happen soon I'm afraid I'll do something about it myself

[Korab]

have you seen a psychotherapist (sorry if I'm using the wrong term) It should help , talk to your parents.Tell yourself that you couldn't do anything more for him.Maybe he had more problems and didn't do it because of you.It wasn't your fault.Go sleep and clear your mind.Maybe some chinese old people they know a lot.Hope I helped you a little bit.

[tubanic]

I agree with the above, get some professional help. Please don't turn to self-harm or suicide, there are people who care about you. Could you inflict the pain you feel now upon people who love you?
Talk to someone close and please don't blame yourself. You aren't the only person who was responsible for the death, and you are far too young to bear the guilt. Don't blame yourself, and know that your friend would want you to be happy.
Keep safe :)

[ackmedsgirl666]

i agree with both people above
you should consider getting some help before you do break down and take your life
i am very sorry about your loss. hope things get better

[Gandalf]

I'm just repeating myself so if you've heard it before you close the tab,sorry for the inconvenience
My first bf killed himself nearly two years ago
It still haunts me,all the things I could have done to prevent it,spoken to him about it,noticed the signs,taken the phone when he called...
All these thing have been on my mind since the day it happened,and every day a small piece of me rots away because of it
I'm closing in on.the point where I can not live with myself anymore,I know most of you think that I'll get through it but I can't,I've spent two years trying to process it but I'm still punishing myself over it,I can't anymore,I'm tired,so very tired
All I want is to sleep,finally get some sleep,and never to wake again,to be taken away lightly at night,and if that doesn't happen soon I'm afraid I'll do something about it myself

Ian, it wasn't your fault and as sorry as I am to say this, knowing it might be too late to help you, but if you see this remember:

Your Boyfriends actions were his own, if he had his head set on suicide then he would of managed it whether you had interviened or not. You were young and wouldn't have fully understood the situation, and thats ok because if you were in the same position today you'd know what to do.

Think of something to stay with us for. Please Ian, we love you, we're shit at showing it sometimes but it's true.

Your ex died, but you don't have too. I'm here. Just talk to me...

[Haydenn3]

i just want to give you a hug *hugs screen* :(

[Trust]

Hi mate i do Counseling as i half job. so what i think you should do is remember if you dident know u could not do much to stop him. Just try to push him?her from the frount of your mind and try to think of the good things that happend.
Hope you feel better
Trust

[jhonsmith3741]

i think dear when we talk to someone close and please don't blame yourself. You aren't the only person who was responsible for the death, and you are far too young to bear the guilt. Don't blame yourself, and know that your friend would want you to be happy...!!! :cool: :yeah: :)

[Abyssal Echo]

Ian, it wasn't your fault and as sorry as I am to say this, knowing it might be too late to help you, but if you see this remember:

Your Boyfriends actions were his own, if he had his head set on suicide then he would of managed it whether you had interviened or not. You were young and wouldn't have fully understood the situation, and thats ok because if you were in the same position today you'd know what to do.

Think of something to stay with us for. Please Ian, we love you, we're shit at showing it sometimes but it's true.

Your ex died, but you don't have too. I'm here. Just talk to me...

Ian I know its sounds lame but I have to agree with Ben your bf actions were totally on him not your fault at all. I dunno what else to say I know you've been thru some really fucked up shit...seriously dude please don't do this. if you want/need someone to talk to I'm here for ya.