Homosexual Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder [Archive]

FreeFall

December 14th, 2012, 11:12 AM

I read this completely wrong. I thought it said HOBO. uhm. Anyways. I don't think it's that common among adults as it is teens, when we're opening and exploring sexualities. I can name 4 of my friends though who have had something like that, if not it. 1 was bi, 2 were gay, and a straight 1.

The bi one was afraid of being "plain" straight or "plain" gay. They wanted to keep in the middle and not swing into one "specific section" of sexuality. So she'd hyper focus on both aspects of men and women and how much she loved both, the same and not how she preferred one over the other. It was a constant thing and she'd constantly say how she'd go out with girls and guys and have a great time on equal measures. She never dated one gender/sex for too long though. Her relationships lasted about a month to three months. She's always alternate. Her ex's are boy, girl, boy, girl, boy, girl and she's currently on boy. After she dumps him, she will go to girls again.

My two gay friends hyper focused on things that were stereotypically gay. Piercing the right ear only, pink shirts, high pitched voices, that "switching" walk, flappy dramatic hand and clutching the pearls. Anything that would, in their minds, scream hey world I'm gay and not changing. I love those boys, and I understand it's not their fault that they have this disorder, but god they could drive you nuts. Whenever we went by a group of girls they'd whisper to each other "I don't have a boner. I'm so gay. Yea, so gay." They were so afraid of being straight they didn't really associate with heterosexual guys, afraid they'd "influence them" so they hung out with heterosexual girls only if they had a boyfriend and frequently, I mean frequently,they talked about penis and sex with men to whomever had a boyfriend before. I don't know if it's a sign of the HOCD, but they'd "pick out" gay guys. They'd point and giggle and say "he so gay. Just like us."

My straight friend was doing stereotypical man things, partly piggish. He'd hack and spit, get himself overly zealous about sports but only the manly kind like football and baseball and basketball. Soccer was too "pansy" for him. Scratch his balls for the world to see, constantly avoid my two gay friends because he wasn't gay and was afraid, like they are of him, that being near them would make him have "the gay". He'd flirt with all girls, even the lesbians which just pissed everyone off, he was real rude. He walked in a gorilla like way. He'd swing his arms, hunch his shoulders and walk like he had to keep his legs 4 feet apart. He was loud and made his voice deeper when strangers were around. He also only interacts willingly with guys if they have a girlfriend. I'm only friends with him through my boyfriend. I think the one thing that sticks out the most is we were discussing jobs and not having money. He said that he'd rather go into the marines than do gay-porn if he was desperate. I don't understand it, still don't, but apparently to him acting in gay porn is worse than being in the marines.

That's my personal experience with it so I think that what I saw, because it's so out of the norm of where I live that you can't even ignore it, counts as signs. Maybe once a person becomes more secure and stable in their sexuality, it goes away? I mean I feel bad for these people. They live their lives convinced that one day they'll realize they're what they don't want to be and be powerless to stop it. I wish they could just take a breath, love themselves no matter what it is they are, and feel that security they're craving. Gay people afraid to not be gay and straight friend afraid of being gay, bi-sexual afraid of being one or the other, I feel sad how difficult their lives must be.