Hating my friend

[Straight]

I'll start from the beginning...

In the beginning of year 9 computing class, all my friends ditched me and I was left with someone I didn't know. We talked and started to like each other. Everything was good, In fact people were trying to sit next to me instead of ditching me. But I chose my friend over the people who ditched me because he was the only person I could trust.

Then, for some reason he started trying to overpower me. He started trying to make me move to where I was by my self, He was commanding me to do things and always had an angry tone towards me. This happened a few times, but things always resolved.

Until one time when he started punching me. I don't like it when people hit me. However, I kept it to my self never saying anything to him.

Skip to a few weeks back.

He was talking to three other people about something and I heard someone say 'Jamaica' so I jumped in and said 'Jamaican me crazy'. At that point, he decided the best thing to do was to slap me as hard as he could. In fact, he slapped me so hard that my lip started bleeding. His excuse was "I turned away, so I hit his head and not my face". I found out later that he knew I was angry because I turned my back at him and ignored him.

Now just two days ago, Him me and two other friends went to a music room to play instruments. When I walked in the room he told me to "fuck off" straight away. I ignored this and went to grab a guitar, to which he replied "No, your not allowed to play. " Once again, ignored and I went to the other side of the room by my self and played quietly. A few seconds in he said "Shut up tom" even though I could barely hear my self.

Again, yesterday. Him, one of the friends who was there the day before and two other people were in a music room. I went into the room and once again, he said "fuck off, we don't want more people... especially if you cant play an instrument.".... 1)There were two people who cant play any instruments there 2) there was room for loads more people 3) I can play Drums, piano and guitar all at a much higher level than him.

I ignored him once again and went to play the piano. I turned it down to the lowest volume and started playing it must be love by madness. He said "Shut up" in his commanding tone. So, I stopped and grabbed a guitar so I could play along with them. The guitar was out of tune so I asked my friend Leo if I could borrow his tuner. The guy immediately said "No, Your not allowed to play". Ignored him and tuned my guitar.

Anyway, I don't know what he's got wrong with me. He seems to only be like that when other people are around and he's got the attention. I think he fears that I would take it for some reason, but In fact I just want to be with my friends...

[DerBear]

This is what I like to call your typical "When I am with other people I hate you but when I am with you then we are friends"

He is the type of person who when he is with his friends he is all "high and mighty" but when he is with nobody he is just a small little guy who is willing to be friends with anyone.

My advice would be to have it out with him. I mean don't act immature and insult him but talk to him, preferably alone at first then if you cant, Do it when you're with him and his/your friends.

The best thing to do is talk to him because that is really all you can do. Talking to him will give you both a chance to talk out your issues.

However, I have a feeling that he doesn't want to resolve this issue. He wants to act like a "big person". If he doesn't want to sort the issue out then ignore him and be with your other friends and talk to them more often.

Overall this guy sounds like a douche but you can't do anything other than talk to him or ignore him and talk to your other friends.

[FreeFall]

What friend is this? What is your definition of friend because you've described an asshole.

And why do you let him abuse you? You were a victim, but now you're a volunteer. You go around him, you "ignore" him which is as good as saying I'm here for you to beat me and demean however you please. You let him slap you. You let him hit you. You let him be verbally abusive. You let him abuse you. Why? How come? Why do you not respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself and let this asshole know it's not ok to treat you this way anymore!? Why are you letting this guy think it's ok? why aren't you doing anything?

You're wrong. He's not doing it to show he's the, sick and twisted, attention star.
He's doing it because you let him, and that's all society will let him do. If he were to get you alone, let's say a basement, you'll probably be lucky the most he'd give you is a bloody nose.

And what kind of friends have you that sit back and watch you be abused? In any kind, especially the verbal. You need to re-evaluate how and why you let people you call friends, treat you as they do.

[CharlieFinley]

Take him out back, fight him, and never speak to him again. He's a jerk.

EDIT: One side note: It doesn't sound like you're as imposing as he is, physically. If you were, he probably wouldn't have hit you. However, he hit you, unprovoked, with no warning. That means that you should do the same to him. Don't say "we're going to fight, now." Just hit him.

[Gwen]

You don't need to do anything, just ignore him, don't be "friends" with him.
He dosen't really care for you, so why should you care for him?
And ignoring him is better than starting a fight or arguement.

[CharlieFinley]

You don't need to do anything, just ignore him, don't be "friends" with him.
He dosen't really care for you, so why should you care for him?
And ignoring him is better than starting a fight or arguement.
That's a good point. It may be too late at this point. I would have hit him with a brick after he slapped me, so it is what it is, I guess.

[tubanic]

If someone is doing anything to knowingly upset you, they are not your friend. Do they care about you if they do that?!
Don't let a previous friendship stop you reporting bullying, people change, or they gradually get worse and worse.
If he does anything to make you upset or feel unsafe, tell a teacher

[Straight]

As much as I would like to hit him, I like to ask my self if it's the best thing to do. Why fight violence with violence? I try for more civil approaches to arguments; Hitting him would just do worse to both sides.

What would the benefits of me hitting him be? Think about it. I may lose some built in anger temporarily, but I would also be seen upon as one of those children who can't control their anger.

And whilst I do agree that being so attached to him is not an option any more (Which is what I started doing a long time ago), I do believe that peace is a much better approach. If I were in your shoes, I would of suggested something like not helping him when he needs help. Not being for him when he needs someone. Not listening when he needs someone to talk to. Only then will he soon realize that his actions bought that upon him.

Believe me, He is not one to take someone serious. Even with his ex girlfriend, he used her for sex. Its disgusting.

If I were to punch him, I would just go down to his level.

[FreeFall]

Then don't hit him.

Are you unaware you can stand up for yourself and show actually have a shred of self dignity without hitting anyone? You know those things we have, called words? Or take other actions that don't involve hitting him or defaming him? It's not that hard to peacefully make your stance.
You're not even on a level, you're his bag. You let him demean you, verbally assault you, you let him beat you. Don't you guys learn how to stand up for yourselves without violence anymore or is that now synonymous?

Seriously, you'd be doing yourself and future people a favor. You'd be teaching him he's a big asshole and abusive.

He'd finally be learning that people won't let him get away with that anymore, that it's unacceptable. He'll be stunned as hell that things can be done without violence! He'll probably treat people better if someone actually has the balls to teach him he's wrong and this is not how you live.

[CharlieFinley]

Then don't hit him.

Are you unaware you can stand up for yourself and show actually have a shred of self dignity without hitting anyone? You know those things we have, called words? Or take other actions that don't involve hitting him or defaming him? It's not that hard to peacefully make your stance.
You're not even on a level, you're his bag. You let him demean you, verbally assault you, you let him beat you. Don't you guys learn how to stand up for yourselves without violence anymore or is that now synonymous?
Ah, no. I'm sorry for my miscommunication. That's incredibly accurate, and I would never use violence to settle my problems without the provocation of, for example, someone slapping me in the face. I am not a violent man, and I much prefer verbal assault and metaphorical battery to the genre that involves a muscular and sexually frustrated cell-mate named Butch.

[FreeFall]

Ah, no. I'm sorry for my miscommunication. That's incredibly accurate, and I would never use violence to settle my problems without the provocation of, for example, someone slapping me in the face. I am not a violent man, and I much prefer verbal assault and metaphorical battery to the genre that involves a muscular and sexually frustrated cell-mate named Butch.
My apologies, my post was directed towards the OP. But Butch, good old Butch, good laugh too. I'm a violent person though, so it's hard not to suggest he pummel the abuser. I just remember that sticks and stones, but words will never hurt me, is a false saying. Words are potent. Strong and mighty if you know how to use them.

OP just needs to find his words, harness them to get his abuser the quit it and stop being an ass in a way OP sees effective and non-violent, and protect himself and possible future "victims", for lack of a better term.

[aldabanana]

You don't deserve to be treated that way, no one does. Just ignore him.

[Axw_JD]

What friend is this? What is your definition of friend because you've described an asshole.

And why do you let him abuse you? You were a victim, but now you're a volunteer. You go around him, you "ignore" him which is as good as saying I'm here for you to beat me and demean however you please. You let him slap you. You let him hit you. You let him be verbally abusive. You let him abuse you. Why? How come? Why do you not respect yourself enough to stand up for yourself and let this asshole know it's not ok to treat you this way anymore!? Why are you letting this guy think it's ok? why aren't you doing anything?

I'm sorry but I find your comment kind of offensive. I don't know you, but I know exactly what the OP is describing and at least in my case, its always been a matter of not having anyone else... if you don't have any other friends, it isn't as easy to just tell the only person that hangs out with you to fuck off.

I have let my "best friend" slap me, hit me, be verbally abusive and abuse me... I personally don't have any self esteem left, and wouldn't be able to stand up to him even if I wanted to. Sometimes theres a lot more to this than just beating the crap out of someone, or telling them to fuck off.

[FreeFall]

I'm sorry but I find your comment kind of offensive. I don't know you, but I know exactly what the OP is describing and at least in my case, its always been a matter of not having anyone else... if you don't have any other friends, it isn't as easy to just tell the only person that hangs out with you to fuck off.

I have let my "best friend" slap me, hit me, be verbally abusive and abuse me... I personally don't have any self esteem left, and wouldn't be able to stand up to him even if I wanted to. Sometimes theres a lot more to this than just beating the crap out of someone, or telling them to fuck off.
I don't know you either.
But, that is the life you have chosen for yourself. Not me. To cling to someone that doesn't care about you, someone that has more consideration for crap as in not stepping in it, but totally ok with stepping on you. It makes me a bit sad, cold and defeated inside that you have willingly walked and are walking that path.
If you weren't aware of all that and maybe not broadcasting it, I'd have more empathy towards you.

I'm here to try and give advice to people, even if it's not the kind people want to hear.

I am not here to hold their hands. Not advocating for them cling to an abusive person. Not for them to stay with someone that doesn't give a shit about them, their feelings, their deserved respect or their well-being.

Nor did I ever tell OP to beat the living daylights out of the abuser. Why? That wouldn't solve anything and frankly, OP would be no better than his abuser.

You feel alone? Branch out, reach out, don't let abuser pick you.
You have no self-esteem? Find your self worth. Remember you are a human and dammit, you deserve respect, security, recognition, and love.
Naturally if you see your misery, you try to fix it. How can that be done when you're saying, "nah I like my little prison"?

It's not simple, but it's not rocket science either. Ye stranger who thinks I don't know loneliness, about being alone? Don't I sound a bit angry with this all?

If I had to pick being alone in a desert, surrounded by camel spiders, over evolving from abuse victim to volunteer, I'd pick being alone again.