Sudds3
December 10th, 2012, 12:09 AM
We all feel happy all the time, even for just a second when hearing a funny joke or seeing something amazing or beautiful. But when was the last time you were truly happy and content with life where you just sit down and think, nothing could be better than this moment right here.
For me, that was a few months ago over the summer, at the beach at sunset. The most amazing scene ever, the quiet roar of the waves getting closer as they destruct beautifully on the golden sand that seems to have absorbed the sun's beauty and reflects it back out even when the sun isnt shining. The cast ocean that goes on forever making you think about how amazing the world is and how much is out there other than just my minuscule problems. The sand between my toes feeling wet and slightly ticklish on my now sun-kissed skin. The warm temp that makes you sit in your skin and think how nice the world is. And the sun, shining its radiant glow across the earth for all to see and reflecting off of the clouds into amazing shades of red, pink and orange! It was so beautiful that i sat there for 10 minutes, crying because of the beauty.
Now i think about how dark the world is, how shitty everything has to be and how people are ruthless killer taking my happiness and hiding it away making it impossible for me to find in the maze we call life! Why does it have to be so hard and when will it start getting better? I find myself just randomly crying and think how i want to kill myself during class and then quickly wiping away the tears so no one sees.
I bottle everything up so no one notices and then when people catch on i "joke" about being depressed and laugh it off. People see me as a hppy person but on the inside im a soul being trapped and needing escape, crying for help when no one can hear and when one little peep gets out it gets played off like a joke. Like no one guves to shits about my fucking life and if i die they wouldnt fucking care because im just some little shit face that no one cares about enough to even ask sincerely if im ok.
Its so hard and the happiness is becoming few and far between, im afraid that itll simply dry out. And ill be running on absolute empty. Crying. Crying for sweet relief when im the only one who can control when i take that relief. Do i take me relief now or wait it out for years and years until it finally might get better? I dont even think i can handle lasting until christmas break. But ill hold on as long as possible. Hopefully someone finds my cry and answers it.
Beauty can be found anywhere, you just have to look hard sometimes.
-Adam
For me, that was a few months ago over the summer, at the beach at sunset. The most amazing scene ever, the quiet roar of the waves getting closer as they destruct beautifully on the golden sand that seems to have absorbed the sun's beauty and reflects it back out even when the sun isnt shining. The cast ocean that goes on forever making you think about how amazing the world is and how much is out there other than just my minuscule problems. The sand between my toes feeling wet and slightly ticklish on my now sun-kissed skin. The warm temp that makes you sit in your skin and think how nice the world is. And the sun, shining its radiant glow across the earth for all to see and reflecting off of the clouds into amazing shades of red, pink and orange! It was so beautiful that i sat there for 10 minutes, crying because of the beauty.
Now i think about how dark the world is, how shitty everything has to be and how people are ruthless killer taking my happiness and hiding it away making it impossible for me to find in the maze we call life! Why does it have to be so hard and when will it start getting better? I find myself just randomly crying and think how i want to kill myself during class and then quickly wiping away the tears so no one sees.
I bottle everything up so no one notices and then when people catch on i "joke" about being depressed and laugh it off. People see me as a hppy person but on the inside im a soul being trapped and needing escape, crying for help when no one can hear and when one little peep gets out it gets played off like a joke. Like no one guves to shits about my fucking life and if i die they wouldnt fucking care because im just some little shit face that no one cares about enough to even ask sincerely if im ok.
Its so hard and the happiness is becoming few and far between, im afraid that itll simply dry out. And ill be running on absolute empty. Crying. Crying for sweet relief when im the only one who can control when i take that relief. Do i take me relief now or wait it out for years and years until it finally might get better? I dont even think i can handle lasting until christmas break. But ill hold on as long as possible. Hopefully someone finds my cry and answers it.
Beauty can be found anywhere, you just have to look hard sometimes.
-Adam